It also helps to pretend that no one will ever read it but you.

quote:

---

It's probably due to some abuse from my childhood...

---

Is it probably - or it is? It's a difficult (sometimes very painful) thing to even think about and approach - but it might be something you want to come to terms with. Sometimes sharing with other victims and hearing their thoughts and witnessing how they live their daily lives successfully may help. Even a few sessions with a therapist can work wonders. Sharing works wonders - it's a way of standing as who you are and knowing someone accepts you as is.

In terms of benefits to writing, I have no idea if therapy might help in that area. Can it hurt? Maybe writing specifically about your abuse might help. But love scenes won't be the only thing that will be affected. Any relationship between a child and adult may be affected also. This is not necessarily a bad thing - just something to be aware of.

For right now, probably the questions to ask are what parts of the love scene don't seem real to you? Try identifying lines that make you stop reading on. Is it the dialogue? The description of the physical act? The age differences? Does it have to do with sexual orientation? Is it the idea that love may not be real and the whole thing seems fake? Can be many reasons...

On a broader sense of story, you can ask what's the purpose of the love scene? How does it serve the story? How does it change you characters and how does that affect your characters down the line? Not just the vague idea of "being in love" but a real specific interpretation. How would that modify your characters actions given their past history? Usually, you see stuff like the bitter selfish character ending up sacrificing their life for their beloved, or a miser signing over their entire fortune, or a good person killing someone in cold blood when they wouldn't have harmed someone. Yeah, cliches. But it's happened enough times.

Also ask if the love scene is really needed in the story. Do you need it as an emotional event or a just a plot point that can be reworked as something else?

I decided to get a book of short story romances... ok, ok, so my wife had one that she ordered off Amazon, and I read it. But the moral of the story is that I read it looking for what made those types of stories effective, so I could incorporate stuff. In the end, it boils down to the same advice that often pops up when trying to improve my writing: find out what others have done and try emulating what I like about it.

For what it is worth, I found that many of the stories had very strong male and female leads, the types of characters who outwardly are independent, confident, arrogant, assertive, etc. The kind of people that don't "need" another to fulfill themselves. But that was only their outward appearance. In reality, they had some flaw that was complementary to a strong quality in the companion. Thus, while there was initial antagonism between the two, there was vast realms of compatibility.

They often fought at the beginning, getting on each other's nerves, undermining their authority, etc.

Many stories also had characters meet who initially both were attracted to the other, were kept apart by societal conventions (arranged marriages, different social status, etc...)

On a practical level, many of the stories would move back and forth between the two romantic character's points of view, showing how they reacted to the other character, what their emotions were, and what they wanted from the other. This was most effective when we could see that the impressions one had were directly opposite what the other was thinking. I found that very interesting.

Anyways, hope that helps...

You, Posie, have an advantage here over the average writer. You have an extra helping of fear. Use it. Make your characters feel the same way you do. If you think the moment is awkward, I advise you to make the character think it is awkward.

Love scenes don't work when they don't ring true. Add your own truth to them, and then, no matter what it sounds like, it will work.

I have been to counseling and most of my "issues" have been resolved (how can they ever be truly gone-erased). I've confronted, forgiven all that stuff. I don't have anger associated with it anymore, just some left-overs (I guess you could call it). I've actually thought about writing about my experiences, but that might be too difficult?

I have a great relationship with husband and kids, but I've never been terribly "romantic". I hug and give kisses and show love, but some forms of intimacy are mildly difficult (husband has no problems ) But WRITING it... I also have difficulty writing about feelings (which could be why I narrate-info dump so much)

Good advice on just kind of writing as if I'm someone else, I have gotten some written.

Meredith - the romantic scene(s) is about my MC falling in love with the guy she originally thought was a murderer/rich jerk. I wanted to show the process and feelings from when she dis-likes him to love. I don't do sex scenes, so it would just be kiss perhaps, mostly describing feelings. Romantic feelings are hard for me to put into words due to my discomfort/vulnerability maybe?

Bent Tree - I might just taken you up on that offer! ;D

Map - and yes, no one can EVER read it! I can "pretend that".

BenM - That's kind of what I'm trying to do...give the effect of a love scene without the "details". that's the tough part for me.

Focusing on emotions rather than physical actions is a good thing to keep in mind, but the effects of physical actions on emotions can be both illuminating to the readers and keep the story moving. A handful of examples paraphrased from bits I've put together (I'm not looking at the stories right this second...)

• A 30ish female MC, on a "spy" mission has her (male) partner unexpectedly pull her aside and start making out with her, which he explains is more or less to blend in. She's annoyed at first, then even more annoyed... Dammit, am I actually starting to enjoy this? Just because it's the first time in, oh gods, how long since I've gotten any action. I'm still definitely going to kill him when we get out of here.
• A 20-y.o. bookish virgin, the first time he gets laid: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod... this is it! And... wait, that's it? Isn't it supposed to be more... I dunno, something?
• Hailey awoke to the sound of the sink turning on. Damn. She hated waking up second. Malloy came out of the bathroom, fully dressed, rubbing aftershave into his cheeks. Damn again. It was even worse when the guy was fully dressed while she was still starkers under the sheets.
  

I enjoy writing romantic scenes - they're great fun! When I need to write one, I let my fantasies run wild for a while, then rein them in to a more reasonable (less embarrassing!) state. I'm kind of a "fade to black" kind of writer, but I also love writing the intense feelings involved. It's fun to portray them meeting, the girl deciding the guy's a creep, no wait, he's actually rather sweet, but she's not interested, no wait, maybe she is. . . .

Love scenes should be playful and fun, at least here and there. Think about books and movies you've read and seen that had romances that captured your imagination. Perhaps you like things like "Romancing the Stone" - girl meets boy, girl can't stand boy, girl is intrigued by boy (who is cute and funny and sexy as heck), they get together, they're torn apart, they reunite, all amid lots of action and strife and humor. That's my kind of book or movie! Perhaps you like the ones with a slower, more subtle buildup, ending in a rather chaste kiss. Whatever your taste, immerse yourself in the kind of romantic story, book or film that appeals to you and figure out what it is that you like about them. Then change your name to something completely different, just for this exercise (I'm serious! - using a fake name can really free your mind from its internal censor), and write the scene as if nobody you know will ever read it. Let your imagination fly! And have FUN with it!