posted
Shoot! Just heard back from the agent who requested the full after Agents Day.
Nope.
Some excerpted comments:
"The later material didn't quite hold up to the action-packed first chapter (which I loved!), and I just couldn't quite get into it. I feel the story needs some more development."
"The narrative voice read a bit too formal at times."
"For middle grade stories in particular, we also like to see the main action (i.e. the school plot) begin as soon as possible. Rell's time at the school sets up the main conflict of the story, and 1/5 of the way through it still hasn't been mentioned. If you cut down some of Rell's post-storm recuperation/mishaps and began the Trav/school action sooner it would keep young readers better engaged."
posted
Well, Meredith, either you do what they say and change your writing or you keep looking for another agent who likes it as it is.
Posts: 1271 | Registered: May 2007
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The comments mentioned pretty much summarize the issue with the story I have going. I am familiar with needing the main plotline to be developed early on with MG, but it takes about 1/5 of the story to get there. Also, I know my voice is too formal as well, which I'm going to focus on in my revision.
I'd keep shopping and use those comments to focus on crafting your next story. It sounds like that particular agent would look for an entire voice change, plot development and beginning of the story to consider it again. That's basically a complete rewrite.
posted
I think (though I might be tempted to do the opposite) I agree with Wordcaster. Unless you really WANT to rewrite that particular story. Then by all means, do it. But if you have momentum on another project, try shopping that book around a bit more. You never know...
Sorry about your rejection, but good luck with whatever you decide to do with it!
Well I'm in the middle of prepping the next book (SEVEN STARS) for readers, so I'll continue with that.
Voice--are there some things I could change? Yeah, there always will be. But I refuse to write down.
What's bugging me is the comment about what I gather she percieves as the inciting incident, which is really the second try/fail cycle.
At any rate, I'm going to keep on with SEVEN STARS and give this time to sink in before I do anything more about MAGE STORM, except possibly send out more queries.
Just having a request for a full is a major accomplishment, and speaks of your ability.
Middle-grade is tough. I find it a constant balancing act. Worrying about keeping the voice, not writing down, but at the same time writing for the market, which well is middle-grade.
quote:What's bugging me is the comment about what I gather she percieves as the inciting incident, which is really the second try/fail cycle.
What happened in the climax? Did the climax center around defeating the teacher/cult leader, and defeating the mage storm only a peripheral consequence? If so, then she may be right. If the climax was centered around defeating the mage storm, then that is different.
I haven't read it (but I have read your queries and the first short story that started it all) so I wonder if it can be quite fixable without a huge rewrite. I am making a couple of assumptions, so if you have already done these, well...
Introduce the main antagonist and the school scene earlier. (Either in a prologue, or immediately in the second chapter.) The main aim is to tell the audience that the climax is going to involve this person. Also, give a hint that he isn't to be trusted here, but not so much that the protagonist will know that fact. (Which makes a prolog an interesting option, at a different school...) Also, ensure that the school setting is found this early, so the kids can latch on to the fact that it is in their environment. Once this is established, the rest should be fine.
Hmm. Well, yes. Trav is defeated at the climax. And I see your point.
On the other hand, Trav occupies only about a quarter of the book.
While I hate to make these comparisons, I'll liken it here to another MG novel--the first of the RANGER'S APPRENTICE series. The climax is about defeating the Kalkara. But the Kalkara aren't even mentioned until about two-thirds of the way through the book (except in the prologue) and actually occupy much less space than Trav takes up in MAGE STORM. THE RANGER'S APPRENTICE is about Will's choice. He starts out wanting to be a knight and makes the choice to be a ranger instead. Rell starts out wanting to get back to a normal life, whether that means getting rid of his magic or learning to control it, and ends up embracing it and the good he can do.
BTW, the prologue of THE RANGER'S APPRENTICE stinks. I almost stopped reading and that would have been a mistake. I enjoyed the book. (Even if Flannagan does head hop like a psychic grasshopper and despite finding the use of kilometers and centimeters in a medieval setting a little jarring.)
Meredith, took me a while to respond but my first thought was, wow she made what could be helpful comments. She must have seen something there. And unless I'm not thinking it all the way through, what she thinks needs changing does not mean everything has to be changed. Most of sounds solid.
As to your comments about Rangers. I run into that type of thing also. Not with agents or editors so far so you're way ahead of me with that but I see other writers do something so I do it but get told not to. In your case it could depend on the agent or the publisher. I have no idea in Ranger's case but not all novels go through an agent first so I added the publisher part there. So send it out again if you haven't. But make any changes that you think would help... don't feel forced into it. That would probably make it worse. Or is that worst?
posted
Yes, I appreciate the comments. It's just that a couple of them baffle me a little and I'm looking for a little insight.
My first readers have helped me some, there.
I didn't consciously set out to do something similar to RANGER'S APPRENTICE, btw. I only read that last week and I wrote MAGE STORM last year. That comparison just came to me when talking about the climax. When the story is about the MC changing his goals, the climax is likely to involve something more tangible that helps him (or her) to see that.
[This message has been edited by Meredith (edited June 12, 2011).]
posted
Sorry it didn't go through. I haven't ever gone through the formal submission process before, but isn't that the really good kind of rejection letter, where they are making specific suggestions for changes to improve the story rather than "enh, no"?
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posted
OSC would tell you to go with your ideas, for sure. An editor or an agent can make suggestions, but they may not be exactly right for the story you are telling, as you've said.
If you can figure out why they made those particular suggestions, though, you may gain insight into what you can do that will fix any problems YOUR way, and it may involve changing something else entirely.
(This, by the way, is what I gained from an interview OSC gave years ago in response to a question about working with editors.)
posted
I'm surprised that JJA hasn't sent the latest rejection yet.
I spent this afternoon sending out 12 stories... three via snail mail and the others via various online methods. I expected a rejection from him before I finished since it took me a couple of hours but none yet.
Well not even 24 hours later.
[This message has been edited by LDWriter2 (edited July 06, 2011).]
[This message has been edited by LDWriter2 (edited July 06, 2011).]
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