Pantroth moved through the city of Woodsedge upon the moonlit rooftops, just another nocturnal predator tracking its prey through the shadows. His eyes swept over the cramped metropolis with disdain. Cities surrounded by such high walls caged him in. Pantroth's gaze returned to the trader--the man he'd been paid to kill--whose brisk walk proved him unaware that death looked upon him from above. Dermit Alhmet had crossed the King of Mephise and he could not be allowed to live.

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Pantroth's gaze returned to the trader

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Returned from where? Maybe "was locked on"?

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--the man he'd been paid to kill--

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:-) With "and he could not be allowed to live," this feels a little blunt to me, but take it with the appropriately-sized grain of salt...

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... Dermit Alhmet had crossed the King of Mephise and he could not be allowed to live.

...

His insult to King Stonefire was probably long forgotten

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<irony>Now, I am a little confused that I don't know these people and places.</irony> It took me a bit of re-tracing to figure out that Stonefire is the King of Mephise, which is -- presumably -- the kingdom of Woodsedge...? With this detail included, I wanted to know what/who Stonefire and Mephise are. Two cents and all that...I got a bit lost with what felt like a bunch of people/places being mentioned too fast. Even as I write, I wonder if this will be a consensus view, but all I needed to know here was "The self-important trader had crossed the King, and could not be allowed to live." Dermit's name doesn't add anything at this point, but something to reveal the nature of his cross with the King might... Same with the king (maybe "The King"?)

Offered in cheerful helpfulness, and hopeful lack of controversy ;-)

Also I think your general writing style tends to be a bit heavy on descriptive words.

'moonlit' 'nocturnal' 'shadows' all give the same impression to me of it being at night. Maybe I'm wrong about this but I just find that if I'm reading word after word describing roughly the same thing I start to skip words.

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just another nocturnal predator tracking its prey through the shadows

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This version loses that feel entirely, making me feel disconnected from Pantroth, which makes the entire thing less interesting.

Also, you keep calling people by different names. Pantroth should always be Pantroth, not the assassin. Alhmet should be Alhmet or the trader, but don't switch back and forth (it's okay to say ". . . the trader, Dermit Alhmet, . . ." but after that pick one or the other).

It also is starting to feel a bit choppy and info-dumpish: a couple of sentences about Pantroth, then one which tries to connect him to the merchant, but is a bit confusing ("Over" originally gets read as meaning "More than"). Then "the assassin" and "had waited": when? Is this once Alhmet reached Woodsedge? Or just allowing lots of time for him to think that his insult has been forgotten? Finally, the explanatory line--which, since we're clearly NOT in Pantroth's POV, comes across as just stuck in there, rather than as something Pantroth might possibly be thinking. That is, infodump.

Okay, the above isn't advice exactly. Let me ask this: How much of this novel have you actually written? (You may have said this somewhere previously, but if so I don't recall it and I didn't want to go searching for it.) If you're working on just this part and you haven't gotten much further, then put this part away and go on. You'll learn more, faster, from working on the rest than on beating this into the ground.

If you're all finished with it, on the other hand, then put this part away and go work on something else for awhile. You need a fresh perspective, and you can't get that without taking a break from it.

Granted, I do believe in perfection, but if we demand it in every single passage before reading the next, we'll never get anywhere.

I'll go ahead and give you a detailed rundown of what I would change in this last version, but just as a sample. I'm already open to reading a chapter or so of this story.

First line, I would change "moved" to a more descriptive verb and shorten the rest to "across the moonlit rooftops of Woodsedge." This gives us a more detailed picture of what Pantros is actually doing...is he running, hopping, floating, scrambling, clambering, or what? It also cuts the clauses down and improves readability, we get his action (not picked yet), then the visual (moonlit) and setting (rooftops) and finally the background information (Woodsedge). I would change "metropolis" to a more derisive term, and say "cramped inside its high walls", since this applies the descriptor and other object together in a sensible relation. Naturally, whatever noun you use to replace "metropolis" should still make "city" redundant.

The next sentance needs to be in past perfect, and probably should be reordered. You have a couple of options. The most straightforward is to say "Pantroth had followed that money-grubbing peddler over two-thousand leagues, through two countries." You can leave his name for later, or you can mention it. Leaving it for later helps give the impression that Pantroth doesn't really care about his name so much, but could risk confusion later when you do mention it. The straightforward approach doesn't connect the city to Dermit or the distance in any way, which may be a lost opportunity. Perhaps Pantroth is delivering a message about the reach of King Stonefire's revenge as well as giving Dermit time to relax, perhaps Woodsedge is Dermit's home-town, or maybe some important persons in Woodsedge need a message short of being dead themselves. These are all things that could be hinted at, but aren't.

As I already indicated, following someone this far and killing him in another city has to be motivated by more than just waiting for him to let down his guard. However much he might let down his guard in a city, killing him there and getting away is much harder than if Pantroth had done the job somewhere on the road or closer to friendly territory. I think that the "just wait till you get home" revenge is an interesting and plausible method of inspiring fear without discouraging trade or diplomatic contacts. Sending an indirect message to a third party also makes sense. But you do need to mention if either of those is a real consideration here.

You don't really need to tell us that Pantroth is in King Stonefire's employ, mentioning that Dermit had insulted King Stonefire and thus couldn't be allowed to live lets us know that.

The last paragraph is okay...I would say "his imminent death" rather than "danger", because Pantroth doesn't think of the merchant's situation as one of risk. It's odd that the bodyguards "reek" of perfume, though I think that you're indicating that only from Pantroth's perspective as someone who prizes stealth as the primary martial virtue and has very keen senses. You could clarify that, or not. It fits in fine with the notion of their overly pretty armor and Dermit's flashy pimp-wear.