posted
It took all night, but Rupert made it back to Westhaven before sunset. He stood now at the door of his niece, Cosette, trying to think of what to tell her. Walking through the woods all night to get here had given him plenty of time, but he still didn’t know what to say. He looked down at his hands and could see blood and dirt there. He had wanted to bring her parents back home, but was simply unable. So he buried them there at the site of their murder. The task had been difficult, he had to stop several times as his body shook from sobs summoned by the death of his brother, Lionel, and sister-in-law, Nicolette. He almost started to cry again, but he knew he had to remain strong for Cosette.
Matt
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited February 02, 2007).]
posted
I really do think this is a better place to start, but I have a question. I know you said that Cosette is the MC, not Rupert. Who is the main POV character? Is it going to be Cosette, too, or Rupert? If Cosette, then I'd start with her POV. If Rupert, I'd be curious about why (just because usually the main POV character and the MC are the same; but they certainly don't have to be), but in any case, it makes sense to start with his POV if you're going to be sticking with it.
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posted
The POV will mainly be Cosette. It will sometimes need to change (because of plotlines later). But the POV changes aren't jumpy and never within one section of text, it changes either with a new chapter or at a break.
posted
Okay, so I commented on the last version/ thread. Sigh. Anyway . . .
quote: It took all night, but Rupert made it back to Westhaven before sunset. He stood now at the door of his niece, Cosette, trying to think of what to tell her. Walking through the woods all night to get here had given him plenty of time, but he still didn’t know what to say. He looked down at his hands and could see blood and dirt there.
You repeat the "walking all night" idea twice and you don't need to. You might want to drop the first line. The second one pulls me in to the story better.
quote: He had wanted to bring her parents back home, but was simply unable. So he buried them there at the site of their murder.
This might be stronger if you dropped the "He had wanted . ." focus on what he did and what it cost him. ex: He'd buried her parents at the site of thier murder.
quote: The task had been difficult, he had to stop several times as his body shook from sobs summoned by the death of his brother, Lionel, and sister-in-law, Nicolette. He almost started to cry again, but he knew he had to remain strong for Cosette.
He's probably not going to dwell on the thought of buring his brother and sister-in-law too long. Since you just told me that he'd buried them you could let the thought wring a sob from him and show me that he tamps down his grief to be there for his neice.
NIT = "knocked loudly" - people don't generally knock softly.
I'm not sure he's going to focus on her size right now. If you want to describe her, I would think he'd see the reflections of Lionel and Nicolette in her rather than the contrasts.
"By its light he could tell that she already knew what had happened." -
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