Dear Mr. or Ms. Agent,

My 42,492 word novella, Adoption Under Fire, is Christian women’s fiction.

When nineteen-year-old Val Smith, biological mother to baby Justin, changes her mind about the impending adoption, self-professed “good Christian” Lila Snyder feels she has no choice but to run away with her newborn son.

Lila and Daryl Snyder, after suffering from secondary infertility, decide to adopt a baby boy from Val Smith and the biological father, Brian Turner. After only a couple of weeks, Val begins stalking the Snyder family in order to catch a glimpse of her baby whom she cannot seem to forget. After Brian discovers what she’s been doing, Val realizes her mistakes and decides she has no choice but to rescind her adoption offer. Lila, who has grown paranoid about Val and even Daryl through a series of remarkable events, runs with baby Justin to avoid the “kidnapping” of her little boy. While Lila and Justin are missing in action, both Val and Lila learn some important life lessons and make choices that will affect the rest of their lives.

This book is primarily about forgiveness and trusting God in the tough times. It’s an exciting, suspenseful journey with an element of sweetness, which is something many tales today leave to be desired. Adoption Under Fire has been a work-in-progress for about four and a half years. After several critiques from other readers/writers, I believe it is ready for representation and, ultimately, publication.

Although this is my first novella, I have had a nonfiction feature article published in Momsense Magazine, a national publication reaching approximately 120,000 readers.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration of my work. The complete manuscript is available for review upon request. I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

To be honest, I'm a little confused as to what is going on here. It sounds like Lila is running away with her own son, but I'm thinking its Val's son.

I don't think it needs so much detail.

Let me see if I get it right. Here's my version.

Lila and Daryl Synder cannot have children, and are set to adopt nineteen-year-old Val's son. Val soon realises she made a mistake, and stalks the Synder's to catch glmipses of her baby. She wants to have him back but Lila discovers Val's plan to kidnap the baby, and runs away with him. (Here, mention the remarkable events, it would be an idea to say what two or three of them are.) Both Val and Lila learn important lessons, and have to make choices that will affect the rest of thier lives.

This is how I see the story. I haven't mentioned Brian because from the query, it doesn't seem he plays a large part, and he's one less person to clutter the query up with.

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This book is primarily about forgiveness and trusting God in the tough times. It’s an exciting, suspenseful journey with an element of sweetness,....
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This summary tells a tale that your synopsis does not. You've provided a setup but little to support the summary.

As the first critter said, the first paragraph seems to conflict with a later one regarding who has run with the baby. Also, the first paragraph reads like a flashback, which is okay in the story but odd in a query, unless you frame it: when <something happened> <there was this result which led to...>. This should lead smoothly into the next paragraph.

I've read many times that editors don't care who has read the story, unless it was a well-known, relevant person. Also, the editor probably won't care how much time you spent writing the story. I also think you should lose the scare quotes ("good Christian") because they will scare the editor with the impression that the writing will be preachy rather than discerning. You've stated that the tale has an element of sweetness, which is good, but "which is something many tales today leave to be desired" will more likely annoy than convince the editor.

I think I'd lose the first paragraph and invest the space explaining the suspense, the remarkable events (red flag: is this actually written yet?), the lessons learned, and the resolution.

Good luck.

Val begins searching desperately for Justin, and prays every night for Justin's return. In the end, she understands the true depth of a mother's love... etc etc/

Obviously I've assigned emotions and motives to your characters that i have no idea about. And this is running long now. My intent was to show that you can make it clear the book will be in two women's perspectives by showing them to us distinctly, and then showing what will happen when the two are mixed. I also worked God into the synopsis, so the agent knows right away how religion plays a role here. Also, I've read that you shouldn't hold back the ending, so do tell the agent how the book will end: In the end, Val and Lila turn to their faith and learn forgiveness and understanding...

Hope this helps.

Dear Mr. or Ms. Agent,

My 42,492 word novella, Adoption Under Fire, is Christian women’s fiction.I think you can safely round off your word count

When nineteen-year-old Val Smith, biological mother to baby Justin, changes her mind about the impending adoption, self-professed “good Christian” Lila Snyder feels she has no choice but to run away with her newborn son.okay, sounds like Lila's story, even though it sounds like Lila's slightly snooty, so it has me wondering, is the protagonist going to be likable?

Lila and Daryl Snyder, after suffering from secondary infertility, decide to adopt a baby boy from Val Smith and the biological father, Brian Turner.Okay, still sounds like Lila's story After only a couple of weeks, Val begins stalking the Snyder family in order to catch a glimpse of her baby whom she cannot seem to forget.Okay, this is where it seems to switch p.o.v., and suddenly it feels as if we're supposed to feel sympathy for Val, though right now Val just seems like a psycho. I have no idea if we're supposed to like or feel sympathy for Val or her plight. After Brian discovers what she’s been doing, Val realizes her mistakes and decides she has no choice but to rescind her adoption offer.Okay, Val's story again. Lila, who has grown paranoid about Val and even Daryl through a series of remarkable events, runs with baby Justin to avoid the “kidnapping” of her little boy.Back to Lila's story. While Lila and Justin are missing in action, both Val and Lila learn some important life lessons and make choices that will affect the rest of their lives.So then it's both of theirs? And how will these lessons and choices affect their lives? This phrase means nothing to me, since really, all choices affect our lives. Be more specific, tell us why this particular choice or lesson will be so important to these particular women. Otherwise, it seems to me you're glossing over the entire point of the story and robbing the agent of the deeper understanding of your story.

This book is primarily about forgiveness and trusting God in the tough times.Okay, that's good, but no where in the synopsis above have you mentioned God or any body's faith except to say Lila is a self proclaimed good Christian. I think it would be more effective to show how God is going to play a role in this story, and how each woman reconciles her faith, if that is indeed what's going on here. It’s an exciting, suspenseful journey with an element of sweetness, which is something many tales today leave to be desiredOkay, I'd rather these qualities be made evident in the synopsis rather than to be told this here-otherwise, I'm stuck taking your word for it, and obviously, as the author, your view is going to be favorable or you wouldn't be trying to pitch it. I think you've done a good job of showing us the suspense--with the stalking and all. Show us where the sweetness lies. Adoption Under Fire has been a work-in-progress for about four and a half years. After several critiques from other readers/writers, I believe it is ready for representation and, ultimately, publication.Yeah, I think you can cut this. I don't think the agent's going to care who has read it, or how long you've been writing it.

quote:

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This book is primarily about forgiveness and trusting God in the tough times. It’s an exciting, suspenseful journey with an element of sweetness, which is something many tales today leave to be desired. Adoption Under Fire has been a work-in-progress for about four and a half years. After several critiques from other readers/writers, I believe it is ready for representation and, ultimately, publication.

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Instead of telling us the themes of the book, the query letter is supposed to show us those themes are present. Show us how forgiveness occurs in the book ("X learns to forgive Y for running away" or whatever). Show us how it's exciting and suspenseful (though I think you've already got the basic of that in the query) and how it's sweet. Bashing other "books today" (some of which the agent reading this has probably represented and gotten published) isn't a good idea. You don't need to tell them how long it took you to write the story--especially if it took more than a year to write. Obviously you think it's ready for publication or you wouldn't be sending it. That you had a critique group look at it is good, but not significant in terms of including it in a query. So cut out "which is something many tales today....and, ultimately, publication" and use the extra space to show us some of those "series of remarkable events" and "important life lessons" which you gloss over in the query.

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Although this is my first novella, I have had a nonfiction feature article published in Momsense Magazine, a national publication reaching approximately 120,000 readers.

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Go ahead and mention the article in Momsense, but drop the "a national publication reaching approximately 120,000 readers." An editor at a Christian publisher should recognize the name of the magazine, and that's good enough. Adding the circulation makes you sound a bit desperate.

My attempt at straightening out the summary:

Lila and Daryl Snyder tried every infertility treatment that they could afford, then went through the long process of getting on a list at an adoption agency. After agonizing months, they got the call: A young, unwed mother -- Val Smith -- wanted to find a suitable christian family for her baby boy. Lila's prayers had been answered; her house was now a home.

Then Val had second thoughts. She can't go through with it; she wants her baby back.

Too far to turn back now, Lila cannot let go. Even though her husband and the law are against her, she cannot give her son up.

Lila and Val must make some tough life choices that affect not only their lives, but the lives of the child they both think of as their son.

Also,I think the parts in bold are detrimental to the selling of your story:

quote:

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This book is primarily about forgiveness and trusting God in the tough times. It’s an exciting, suspenseful journey with an element of sweetness, which is something many tales today leave to be desired. Adoption Under Fire has been a work-in-progress for about four and a half years. After several critiques from other readers/writers, I believe it is ready for representation and, ultimately, publication.

[Deleted] This is my first novella[.] I have had a nonfiction feature article published in Momsense Magazine, a national publication reaching approximately 120,000 readers.<--I don't think this is bad, as an agent might not know the publication.

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I hope this has been of some help.

Third, my thoughts . .

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My 42,492 Round off to 42,500. word novella, Adoption Under Fire, is Christian women’s fiction.

When nineteen-year-old Val Smith, biological mother to baby Justin, changes her mind about the impending adoption, self-professed “good Christian” Lila Snyder feels she has no choice but to run away with her newborn son. Nice hook

Lila and Daryl Snyder, after suffering from secondary infertility from what? You are losing me. , decide to adopt a baby boy from Val Smith and the biological father, Brian Turner. this whole sentance can be dropped. We assume that the baby was adopted and Lila was the adopted mom from the hook. Drop the men out completely as they don't play any role in the query

After only a couple of weeks, Val begins stalking the Snyder family in order to catch a glimpse of her baby whom she cannot seem to forget. Who is the main character? Val or Lila?

After Brian discovers what she’s been doing, Val realizes her mistakes and decides she has no choice but to rescind her adoption offer She didn't realize this before she started stalking the adoptive family? . Lila, who has grown paranoid No, they actually are out to get her about Val and even Daryl through a series of remarkable events, runs with baby Justin to avoid the “kidnapping” of her little boy. While Lila and Justin are missing in action, both Val and Lila learn some important life lessons and make choices that will affect the rest of their lives. what are these lessons and choices? How does this end? Where is the role of religion?

This book is primarily about forgiveness and trusting God in the tough times. It’s an exciting, suspenseful journey with an element of sweetness, which is something many tales today leave to be desired. Adoption Under Fire has been a work-in-progress for about four and a half years. After several critiques from other readers/writers, I believe it is ready for representation and, ultimately, publication. Lose this entire paragraph and tell me about the story

Although this is my first novella <-- delete this. Keep this -->, I have had a nonfiction feature article published in Momsense Magazine, a national publication delete this --> reaching approximately 120,000 readers.

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What makes your story Christian fiction? This is missing from your query. What happens in the end? Who gets the baby?