When the TV series Dead Like ME ended, I found hundreds of fan fictions that acted like new episodes, and I loved them.

So I decided to write my own fan fiction for Criminal Minds. I’m not going to go into details on the fan fiction itself, it got good reviews from the others on the site I posted it at, but it was rather stupid. Two good things dawned form it. Original characters. Alec Morton and Agent Chace Verble. I loved Alec Morton; he was my pet character, a vicious killer that had, supposedly, killed nearly sixty people in eight years until he was finally caught at the age of 17.

So I started a new story. One that takes palce both before and after Alec Morton’s capture. Agent Chace Verble was assigned to interview Alec, learn about his past.

So here is my 13 lines, they take place after the introduction, which is a third person limited form Chace Verble, after the interview starts, I change to first person for Alec. Its my first time writing in first person, So I am a little rusty.

One would have to look hard to discern the black bruises on my upper torso from a black starless night sky. The bruises came form yet another night of my foster father’s drunken anger being unleashed onto my body with a wooden oar that usually hung above the fireplace. It had been the third time that month, so I had to spend my morning trying to come up with yet another story to explain the dark splotches on my chest and upper back to my third grade teacher, Mrs. Brown.
I am sure, in hindsight, she knew what my father was doing to my foster mother and me, or at least suspected it. How could she not? A nine year old boy who was kind and polite and by no means a trouble maker was ending up with bruises on his chest in ways that never matched falling down the stairs or cycling

Note from Kathleen Dalton Woodbury:

Am I correct in understanding that there is no overlap with CRIMINAL MINDS (which is copyrighted and therefore against the rules here) in this story? Stories can be inspired by material that is copyrighted, but stories may not use any of the copyrighted material.

I also feel the need to outline the plot to at least the halfway poitn. This is a rough outline missing details, but I am tying to not take up too much space.

His birth parents are dead, died wen he was four. They owneed a very sucessful chain of Ice Cream parlors, and left in their will, all thier saved money to Alec.

He plans to kill his father, and on the same day learns that his mother has been killed. He assumes his father did it, and kills his fatherand dumps him in the GUlf of Mexico (they live on the water in Louisiana)

He gets transferred to a new foster home, and is adopted shortly after that by a single mother. He stays with the mother until his is fifteen. THe money his parents left him is about to be put in the hands of his adoptive mother, who has become a drug addict after the death of her daughter. Alec moves to court and is emancipated, to live on his own in Washington DC (more specificly, Alrington and Pentagon City) where he attends a private school

I'm debating the course of action after that. It does become a "romance" after meeting an English girl on a vacation in Venice, and that romance end when he kills her. That sets him off, and he starts killing recklessly, and that leads to his arrest, and trial. He gets life in maxmum secruity prison, despite having confessed to killing fifty plus people.

The prosecution can only prove two of the murders.

He escapes prison before ever really going, because when they transfer him, he finds a way to escape, and ends there.

Remember he kills several people thoughout the entire course of the plot.

A kid being beat like this is not likely to be "kind and polite" - this is hard to believe. It would be more believeable if he were sullen, depressed, angry or mean - which would also add more tension to the story and make it more interesting.

Dave was kind and polite as an abused child, but got into trouble as a teen after being rescued from a horrible home.

Yes, Alec is sullen, and cold hearted. That comes out later more than during the actual beating. His politeness and kindness may be forced, but it is still there.

Alec's foster father seems strong to Alec, but in reality is rather small and weak. I change his job from door to door salesman to a banker. Adults always seem strong to children.

Also, to Pawn, the abused child part goes away fairly quickly after Alec murders his father. Murder is like a drug to Alec, he becomes addicted. Then he gets adopted since both his foster parents are dead (and one child doesnt stay in one foster home for that long anyways) and has sort of a double life, one one side he is a polite, fairly witty teen that is liked, but never noticed and on the other he is a killer of the worst kind.

[This message has been edited by RyanJohnson (edited August 10, 2007).]

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Am I correct in understanding that there is no overlap with CRIMINAL MINDS (which is copyrighted and therefore against the rules here) in this story? Stories can be inspired by material that is copyrighted, but stories may not use any of the copyrighted material.

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I was, before this story, writing a fanfiction using Criminal Minds characters interacting with my original characters Chace Verble and Alec Morton before this story. In the fanfiction, Alec Morton is captured.

I am not writing this as a fanfiction and no Criminal Minds characters will be mentioned or appear. Also, the plot of the fanfiction i wrote before will not be used. The only connection between my original story and the fanfiction are the characters I came up with, orignally, for that fiction. And most things about those characters have been changed to fit my original sotry better.

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One would have to look hard to discern the black bruises on my upper torso from a black starless night sky. (I don't know, something about the allusion to black starless night skies is fun, but my mind is having a hard time making the mental image work.) The bruises came from) yet another night of my foster father’s drunken anger being unleashed onto my body with a wooden oar, usually placed above the fireplace.

It had been the third time that month. I had to spend my morning trying to come up with yet another story to explain the dark splotches on my chest and upper back to my third grade teacher, Mrs. Brown.
I'm sure in hindsight she knew what my father was doing to my foster mother and I, or at least suspected it. How could she not? A nine year old boy who was kind and polite and by no means a trouble maker was ending up with bruises on his chest in ways that never matched falling down the stairs or cycling

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I agree, the oar against a nine year old does seem like a bit much. Wouldn't most drunken father's just hit their children the old fashioned way? Why take the time to remove an oar from above the fireplace when his fist or any other easy to wield/throw object would do just as good? If you'd like the father to use a unique instrument of pain why not give him a good luck charm or something he carries around that leaves unique marks on the child's body?

Further, the fact that the child tells us that he is a kind and polite kid kind of takes away from the truthfullness of that statement. I'd rather see the kid act kind, polite and meek than have him telling me he is.

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This story came form a fan fiction. Pathetic, I know how many authors hold fan fictions in bad regards, but I like them.

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Try inventing a character for a Star Wars/Star Trek crossover online role-play game that in practice was little more than awkward and bad fanfiction, then make said character an unnecessarily attractive, Mary Sue, make it that she's clone so that there are worlds populated with characters like her, give her anime-style cat-ears, then try and write a book around her, then come back and tell me which one's the pathetic one between us :P

What I'm trying to say is, it's not the most bizarre, crazy, or pathetic genesis of a story ever....

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One would have to look hard to discern the black bruises on my upper torso from a black starless night sky. The bruises came form yet another night of my foster father’s drunken anger being unleashed onto my body with a wooden oar that usually hung above the fireplace.<-I would consider revising that last part, to me it sounds awkward It had been the third time that month, so I had to spend my morning trying to come up with yet another story to explain the dark splotches on my chest and upper back to my third grade teacher, Mrs. Brown.Once again, I would consider revising, maybe taking out the "my third grade teacher," we can infer within reason what Mrs. Brown's position is later, especially deeper into the story
I am sure, in hindsight, she knew what my father was doing to my foster mother and me, or at least suspected it. How could she not? A nine year old boy who was kind and polite and by no means a trouble maker was ending up with bruises on his chest in ways that never matched falling down the stairs or cycling

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Other than the comments I wrote, it's got me hooked.

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Note from Kathleen Dalton Woodbury:

Am I correct in understanding that there is no overlap with CRIMINAL MINDS (which is copyrighted and therefore against the rules here) in this story? Stories can be inspired by material that is copyrighted, but stories may not use any of the copyrighted material.

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I never watch Criminal Minds so I unfortunately wouldn't know (the only detective shows I watch are Law & Order, the "dramedy" ones on USA, and the old-school ones the latter are homages to, like Dragnet and Colombo, and CSI occasionally).

That said, from what I can tell there's nothing in the "hook" that can pin it to Criminal Minds more so than any other criminal drama.

I have a close friend who was eaten with a metal wrench when he was seven until he was 11, he broke a rib once or twice, but never (obviously) was killed and never had any serious injury.

Also, it isnt the 9 year old Alec Morton telling you he is polite, it is the 17 year old Alec Morton telling you so. At 9 he doesnt realize that he is polite, but loking back he does.

And he would be kind and Polite, again, read a Child Called It.

My story does not spend much time in the abused child setting, that ends fairly quickly.

I'm having a real plausibility problem with the first 13.

Ryan, as for your friendm, he's VERY VERY lucky. The vast majority of the beatings do serious physical damage. We do Guardian At Litem ("GAL") work (ie when the court appoints a lawyer to represent a child in court - usually arises in the abuse and neglect petitions to terminate parental rights but not just then). Horrible physical damage is generally the rule not the exception.

On the being hit with an oar. It does a huge amount of damage even when swung with mostly good intent. When I was a teen one of my friends hit me with a plastic oar across the back of the thighs (I forget why). Anyway, even without a lot of force and plastic not wood, the brusing was pretty significant. That same blow with a wood oar to the chest would have at least cracked ribs. Even a 90 lbs weakling sloppy drunk gets the occassional hit just right to break bone. Especially when his weapon of choice is an oar. It is a plausibility problem for me.

The other plausibility problem for me is that foster parents are watched by the GALs and Child Services. While on occassion the abuse is not caught, abuse this obvious would be.

Story Arc plausibility issues:

Also, many children do stay with the same foster parents for years. That's sort of the goal. To provide them with a stable enviornment. The days of yanking kids back and forth aren't over but are greatly diminished. You will see the back and forth when the parents are still involved (before thier parental rights are severed) which is not the case you are talking about. They will also have ONE GAL for the entire time they are in the system. If they go out of the system (sucessful re-integration with the family) and come back in, the Court does its best to get the original GAL back on the case.

Back to the 13:

I also need a sense of how old Alec is NOW when he's narrating. I thought until your comment, he was telling it as it was happening not 8 years later.

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My story does not spend much time in the abused child setting, that ends fairly quickly

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Then IMHO don't start there. For first person, you have to know why your MC is telling this story and to whom is he telling it. I don't get a sense of either from the first 13. If he's talking to a psych about his past, than show me that. Why is he going through this painful introspection at 17?

I know the swapping foster parents is pretty much over, but these are really his second foster parents, and both of them die. So he HAS to move. I dont think the government, flawed as it may be, would let dead foster parents raise a child.

He gets adopted soon after his foster parents die.