Hey everyone. Here's something I'm pretty happy with, so all comments welcome. Apologies for the length, I realise it's a little over the 13-line limit, so I hope nobody minds - I just didn't want to cut it off any sooner.

* * *

The speakerphone rang; Ingrid looked at it suspiciously, then reached out and pressed the connect button.

‘Ingrid Silver, Theatrical Agent,’ she said, ‘how can I help? No, no you want Demonology and Mercenary Hire, I’ll patch you through.’ She sighed, and with practiced ease hit the transfer button on her speakerphone. With a click, the call was gone, and Ingrid pressed one on the speed-dial. ‘Silvia, get onto Sentient Resources - someone keeps sending me these goddamn defence contracts.’

‘Yes, Ms. Silver,’ came the crackling reply.

Sodding S.R., she thought fondly.

Ingrid leaned back into her gorgeous, leather-upholstered swivel chair, and took another moment to admire her new corner . . .

* * *

Hope you liked, thanks for reading . There's more after this, so give me a shout if you'd like to read what comes next.

[This message has been edited by bluephoenix (edited December 24, 2007).]

It seems a little odd that theatrical agents and military recruiters would be under the same roof, but as this is a red-tailed modern fantasy, it wouldn't keep me from reading on.

quote:

---

The speakerphone rang; Ingrid looked at it suspiciously, then reached out and pressed the connect button.
‘Ingrid Silver, Theatrical Agent,’ she said, ‘how can I help? No, no you want Demonology and Mercenary Hire, I’ll patch you through.’ She sighed, and with practiced ease hit the transfer button on her speakerphone. With a click, the call was gone, and Ingrid pressed one on the speed-dial. ‘Silvia, get onto Sentient Resources - someone keeps sending me these goddamn defence contracts.’
‘Yes, Ms. Silver,’ came the crackling reply.
Sodding S.R., she thought fondly.
Ingrid leaned back into her gorgeous, leather-upholstered swivel chair, and took another moment to admire her new corner office. The sun shone through her glorious new windows, glinting off her

---

Hopefully She Who Must Be Obeyed will let me off this time as a newbie, but I won't be offended if I come back to find this rather shorter than it was .

Are you Brit or Canadian? I noticed the way defense was spelled.

In my opinion, this is exactly what the first 13 is about. It is not about laying out the entire backstory, or projected plot; it is about introducing me to an intriguing character and whetting my appetite to learn more.

Good job!

The only bump that pulled me out of the story for a moment was the use of the abbreviation "S.R.", which made me stop and say "What is that?" It caused me to have to stop and re-read the previous paragraph to double-check the reference to Sentient Resources. I don't like being pulled out of a story within the first 13. However, it is a minor issue when compared to the clarity of the rest of your writing.

I would read more.

Someone else pointed at S.R. too, but on the whole it doesn't seem to have caused problems, and I must admit that I like it too much to delete it, lol.

The posting requirements are in the "Please Read Here" section. The "trick" to getting the 13 lines right is to convert to courier 12 point and then past them in the box. Any lines that fall out of the box need to be cut. If you skip a line for spacing like Bluephoenix did, you don't count that line. I tend to cut out all the spaces when I'm trying to figure out how much text gets in the box and then put them back in once I am sure.