posted
This is an idea I keep reworking. I've gotten several different beginnings to this book as it stands now. I'm trying to decide if I want to write it from the perspective of first-person omniscient, as someone looking back and recounting the tale for future generations, or as plain ol' third person, with several different POVs. So I'll post two potential beginnings here and see what you folks think of them.
First-person: In order to understand, we must say first that the world was not always as you know it today. Even now children have begun to forget the days when the world was not one, when instead we had eight Worlds, divided by that fell mist known as the Deep. But this you must understand: the Misty Deep, that ancient creation of a jealous god, sought our destruction with only one obstacle – the Temple of the Wordpriesthood. The great irony was this: that Temple which stood in its way was dedicated to its worship. Back in the folds of time beyond what even the Wordpriests could recall, they had been deceived – tricked into believing that this creation of evil was somehow holy, and that they as Wordpriests ought to protect it from the stain of human corruption.
Info dump, yes, I'm aware. Here's the second possibility.
The wind swept hot and dry over Rogel. He wrapped the turban more tightly around his face and squinted into the sun, straining to make out the approaching figures on the horizon as they waved and shimmered, shadows in the desert heat. The chieftan next to him stirred, reaching instinctively for his spear. With a gentle touch, Rogel motioned him to remain as he was. “Your people need water, Koshe,” he reminded softly. Koshe met his eyes, nodded, and let his hand fall to his side once more. The figures grew sharper and more defined as they approached, until Rogel could make out the difference between sandhorse and rider; then they were before him and Koshe, and
posted
The second one is defiantly the one you should go with and work in your first 13 line posting throughout the story.
Posts: 27 | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
I agree with Hinton. The first 13 are an interesting idea but the way they are presented, not all together entertaining. At least with the second 13 I would read on just because of the character interaction. I want to know why the people need water and who the characters are. It left me wondering ss Koshe the leader and who is Rogel to him?
posted
While both are excellent, I must agree with the two before me to say simply... the second one is far superior to the first. The characters interest the reader and the first sounds like too much of an info-dump. You save those for later in the story, when you already have the reader by the throat and they are so interested that they care about the information that they are getting.
Posts: 99 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
Hmmm...I personally like the first one more, but I'm more into imagery and poetic prose than most people, and I'm making that decision with my heart and my gut rather than by applying any type of logic to it. I was thinking you could use the first paragraph as a separate, italicized mini-prologue, like the ones before Conan stories, and then the second paragraph would initialize the actual story. Maybe you could have the best of both worlds that way. Just a random thought from an amateur, though. Good stuff, either way. Best regards,
posted
I agree with Brant, you could use it similar to, for example, the wheel of time series, although the wheel of time doesnt go into as much detail. or you could use it as an extended prologue and begin the novel with the second thirteen, lord of the rings style. its old school but i dont see why you cant do it. dont know the intended audience, but i think kids would go for a fantasy info dump if its new and interesting
Posts: 7 | Registered: May 2008
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