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The angel and demon made love beneath the purple starlit skies. Now their exile became real, their true freedom attained, in the consummation of their forbidden love. Virginity lost, Lyssa could never return to her people, would never be accepted as an angel again, as Cavyn had likewise desecrated himself in the eyes of his demon race. They would have to flee, to journey far away, to distant planes in the Infiniverse where they could live their lives in peace. They knew that they would be pursued. Lyssa's goodness, Cavyn's evil, the very things which separted them and their races and had forbidden them from one another's embrace, now seemed to melt together. They surrendered their innocence at the same moment. It was a moment
Posts: 176 | Registered: Jul 2008
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I've read both versions. This version is much more restrained and better written, but it is basically an info-dump. It's a good premise, butyou're telling us backstory that should get to us in some other way. If it's a novel, you've got a lot of room to gradually let the reader know what's happening.
Maybe you could start immediately after they've been caught? That allows you to start with a dramatic scene that gets across the danger of what they've been doing without dropping readers straight into a sex scene (which was making a few people uneasy in the initial review).
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