posted
Scifi--feel free to comment on any aspect. Thanks.
“TONIGHT--The dashing and always hospitable Lord du Valant is once again hosting the Royal Science Society at his Belser home! Expected in attendance: Paul Habillard, the owner of the Tritraine Theater and one time favorite of the Lady Zophie; Jerome de Montarte-Lontane, the Lord’s protégé and rumored fiancé of the Lord’s niece, a handsome youth who is quickly gaining the notice of all of the finest clubs; and (our favorite) perennial playboy Michel Crue de Aval-Touce, known to half of the Ladies of court and well-known to the other half, whose writings and exploits have earned him the wrath of many a crowned head. Dinner is Members only (the conversation will be as dry as Frontish cigars, so no loss there), but the reception is open to those with a certified invitation! Our readers can
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited August 14, 2008).]
posted
Okay, don't think that I'm saying this bacause I don't have the benefit of seeing the rest of the story, but, huh? There's no frame of reference here at all. I suggest you put this snippet in once you've introduced the main characters and have gotten the story ball rolling.
Posts: 112 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
I agree somewhat with solarstone. This sounds like a pamphlete of maybe an excerpt from a paper. In and of itself it is not the beginning of a story. It may be something your character is reading, It may even be a prologue to your story, but is not the beginning of the story.
Posts: 303 | Registered: Oct 2007
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posted
Nothing necessarily wrong with opening this way, but it might be nice to have an introductory line or two telling us who is reading this and why...
Posts: 1469 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
It didn't grab me, apart from anything else I have trouble remembering names even once they're introduced as major characters (specially if the names seem similar) and this was basically a list of names with no reason for me to care about them. Obviously it's a snippet from a society column or something... something I wouldn't be reading... but like Solar Stone says, put it in after the reader knows who they are or why you're showing them this.
Or maybe it's one of those quote at the start of each chapter things, which I don't like myself - so I'm biased!
posted
Thanks for the responses--yeah, I don't really have much in way of POV in this intro. I'm posting another intro to the same story today.
Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2008
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