Den.Dotson, hello again! Same comment as your short: Can’t commit to whole thing. You can see why: please don’t hate me Impressions:
There’s not a strong hook yet, but you have more time in a novel. What you have here is good, it just needs some tweaking.
I like talking animals, I do. I prefer it to be more seamless though. This hits me between the eyes with “Hey, this horse can Talk!”
You could pare that down; you have an interesting take on the use of language, but maybe sprinkle it in more naturally as you go?
I am intrigued by the role of the horse as the wise one.
It’s interesting to have “reds” and others (“whites”?) working together, so I’m thinking early-America. The word Paladin Ranger makes me think of a medieval-fantasy world. Paladins and reds don’t quite go together in my mind. I think it would help to establish the setting a little more, to feel grounded in a place first, and then unfold the particulars of some individuals in this group, before bringing in the politics.
Nits:
I liked the possible implication of an inciting incident in the first line: “Betty, some folks have left something dead lying around out here.” But then it fell flat when you revealed that it’s commonplace, to be expected for this group. I formed an expectation that wasn't delivered.
Three references to “language”, two to “also” and “converse/conversation” and “private/privacy” in the first paragraph: watch out for repetition. The “horse language” doesn’t quite work for me, but I can’t explain why or give any suggestions *shrug*
The reference to “unfriendly ears” could be explained; how much danger is there? Should I worry for Betty and Joe? That could wait (but not too long).
“death is what usually draws us to our task” This doesn’t sound particularly pithy for a common soldier. So what is Joe’s role? What task?
Have you been introduced to beats? (for example: Betty tossed her head. “Go easy on the reins.”)
General advice around here is, avoid words that replace “said” (said is invisible; don't be afraid to use it).
I do not know if Joe is a Paladin, and if his companions consist of one medicine-walker and horse, or a larger group. Suggest being more specific: Harry, a Medicine Walker of the Woawahnokt tribe, paced along on his roan mare Fred. (Note: I removed the hyphens; they seem contrived.)
Suggestion: The Paladin Ranger Corps was established to impose peace between the native Pangaean “reds” and the non-red Terragaean. The Corps stayed busy enforcing the uneasy truce. Alternate: The Paladin Ranger Corps enforced an uneasy truce between the native Pangaean “reds” and the non-red Terragaean.
[This message has been edited by MrsBrown (edited November 20, 2008).]