It's science fiction.

The title is a working one combining two of the major motifs of the novel -the package and the chief protagonist's main special talent (he does not appear directly in the opener I'm afraid). I'm open to better ideas.

I'm also open to readers for the first 20 pages...

1ST EDIT!

I have a million better things to do than preside over this -waiting. Dr. Ryan Janson thought sarcasticly unraveling the remains of his patience.
Ryan studied the reason for the interruption to his otherwise busy day while the Corps loadmaster reread the transit receipt. The box was slightly over 2 meters long and lozenge-shaped. Sleek black and cold, it was fabricated out of a carbon ceramic. Based on appearances alone, Ryan surmised the cargo must be something precious.
I wonder if it's the drug synthesizer I requested? If only they would be more responsive to my requests for staff...
"May I see that manifest, again please?" Ryan asked in a probably futile attempt to get things moving.

Original version:

I have a million better things to do than preside over this -waiting, Dr. Ryan Janson thought.
Ryan studied the reason for the interruption to his otherwise busy day while the Corps Loadmaster reread the transit receipt. The box was slightly over 2 meters long and lozenge-shaped. Sleek black and cold, it was fabricated out of a high tech carbon ceramic. Based on appearances alone, Dr. Janson surmised the cargo must be something precious.
I wonder if it's the drug synthesizer I requested? If only they would be more responsive to my requests for staff...
"May I see that manifest, again please?" Ryan asked in a probably futile attempt to get things moving.
"It's addressed to you," Cho said peering upwards at a privacy reader held by a less than bemused Corpsman.

Note from Kathleen: I didn't cut it, but I did try to fix the unicode thingies.

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited December 15, 2008).]

[This message has been edited by Lyrajean (edited December 16, 2008).]

[This message has been edited by Lyrajean (edited December 16, 2008).]

[This message has been edited by Lyrajean (edited December 16, 2008).]

Anyway, I'm a little thrown by knowing I'm not supposed to identify with the character. Maybe you could refer to him by his job instead of name the first time we see him, so we have a clue that he's not important. Also, start with the box rather than his thoughts, since the box is presumably what's supposed to hook the reader. Something like,

'The box was slightly over two meters long and lozenge-shaped. Sleek black and cold, it was fabricated out of a high tech carbon ceramic.
"I have a million better things to do than preside over this," muttered the doctor who was peering down at it while the Corps Loadmaster reread the transit receipt.
"It's addressed to you, Dr. Janson," the Loadmaster said.'

How can Ryan “preside over this waiting”? What is a waiting? That first sentence is too vague to start there. I agree with moving it down. But even so, it bugs me.
He has this high-tech, expensive thing on his desk and all he cares about is getting it gone so he can get back to work? It doesn’t quite ring true, unless he’s got a specific deadline he’s racing to meet. If its something he requested, figuring out what it is and where to route it would simply be part of his busy day.
If his impatience is all about waiting while someone reads a piece of paper–that makes more sense, but I had to work for it. It slows the movement down to focus on that.
(I’m not sure you need “high tech” since the description indicates that; would Ryan use those words to describe such an object, if he’s around things like this a lot?)

I thought at first that Dr. Janson was another person. If he thinks of himself as Ryan, I think its better to stick with that in his thoughts. Let others (the Corpsman?) call him Dr. Janson.

Who is Cho? Personal preference would be to see him first (sitting in a chair?), or include more about him with the dialog (Ryan’s colleague Cho peered up at… “It's addressed to you.”).

How can someone be “less than bemused”? Is it significant that Cho knows who it’s addressed to when the other guy is using a “privacy reader”? That could be a bit clearer.

You really are close. I’d like to see a revision and get hooked by that box (and maybe Cho’s sneaky reading?).

I took some of all of your comments to heart and made some small changes.