Sorry, we weren't ignoring you. The holidays have left so little traffic on hatrack these days. Let's see how an English teacher writes...

First is MC your actual characters name or have you not settled on your Main Characters name yet? A small nit but I am finding it distracting.

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The sound came shrilly into the unending whoosh of the crashing waves.

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You won't find a lot fans of adverbs on here and shrilly is one that makes me cringe. I can't get over that I have no idea what this sound is supposed to be and why it is important. Waiting to find out five sentences later does not advance your hook. into the unending whoosh doesn't help either. I don't know what the sound is, how it sounds, and what it has to do with the crashing waves. I suggest you reexamine that opening sentence.

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>Who in the world?< italicise >MC thought< then cut this >with irritation,< cut regradless if you italise the thought or not, it's telling reaching for her ever-present book bag. does ever-present mean it's permantly attached?

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Couldn’t she just have one more day of peace and quiet?

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Ben knew she was at the beach, taking some down time before school started tomorrow,

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Ben who? Boyfriend? Husband? Boss? Overlord of the Universe?

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and her students never called on Sunday…that was the golden rule.

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Students that actually follow the rules? This must be a fantasy.

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The shrill ring tone continued as she dug through her bag. Finally finding the blasted phone, she pulled it free of the clutter of yarn, pens, pencils, and old grocery store receipts.

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This I liked but it needs to be closer to the start

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MC quickly punched the talk button when she recognized the Tucson number.

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Two things. Lose quickly (the adverb thing). Also, your MC doesn't see whose calling until after she hits the talk button? I don't know anybody that does that.

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“MC, honey, is that you?”
Who else? MC thought sarcastically

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Lose sarcastically, better yet, why not have her be sarcastic when she responds to her mom?

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“MC, honey, is that you?”
"No, Mom, it's the kidnappers and if you ever want to see grandchildren you better send that ransom money

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I suggest you think of a new opening sentence. It is too convoluted. Something that lets the reader know what that sound is...

The irritating old payphone ring tone jarred MC out of her blissful, relaxing last-day-of-summer-vacation afternoon at the beach, trance.

Okay, overwritten, but I think you get the gist of it.

Thanks so much for your feedback. I agree – the first sentence is not right. It’s more difficult than I thought to make the first 13 lines pack enough punch all by themselves! How about this:

Who in the world would be calling me now? MC thought. Can’t I just have one more day of peace and quiet? Ben, her sometimes boyfriend, knew she was at the beach, enjoying her last day of winter break before school started tomorrow, and her students were not supposed to call on Sunday…that was the golden rule. She dug through her book bag, and finally finding the blasted thing, pulled it free of the clutter of yarn, pens, pencils, and old grocery store receipts. After recognizing the Tucson number, MC quickly punched the talk button.
“Hey, Mom! What’s up?”
“MC, honey, is that you?”
”Who else ever answers my phone?” MC retorted, only too late recognizing the odd note of tension in her mom’s voice.

I’m sure that I’ll rework it a few more times, but I think this is better. Thanks for taking the time to look at it!

S.

I think the revision is a big improvement over the original. You took snapper's comments to heart. That leaves me with fewer suggestions:

I might be tempted to let italics carry the first two sentences and forget the "MC thought." You might try it both ways and see which you like better. Just a thought.

Ben, the boyfriend sentence is a little long for my taste, but I could read it. You might try it as two sentences just to see.

Less confusion for me if you said "blasted cellphone" rather than "blasted thing." OR you might make the very first line be something like "Her purse muffled the cellphone ring." then blasted thing would not bother me as much.

I am not sure that "quickly" adds anything to the punched button action.

The first sentence of dialog threw me for a moment, especially when I got to the second line and realized that MC was not the mother. You might try a 'said MC' at the end of the "Hello, Mom" just for clarity.

I also had a little trouble with "Who else ever answers my phone" but that might have been a hangover from my initial confusion in the conversation. Maybe if the conversation were more like:

"Hi, this is MC"
"MC is that you, dear? This is you mother."
"Yes, Mom, I know it's you. Who did you expect to answer my phone?"

I could do without the "only" and "odd" in the last sentence, and "retorted" seemed to be stronger than it needed to be, although I don't know what you have coming next.

Again, I would like to compliment you on you revision. Keep at it.

cordially,

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MC lay on her folding lounge chair with the brim of her hat touching her nose, shielding her eyes as she listened to the sounds of the waves lapping up on the shore; content as the cat that she left sprawled out in the sunlight of her bay window in her apartment. The sharp piercing rings from her bag jolted her from her bliss. When am I going to learn to shut that thing off?

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Same thing when she answered the phone. Show a bit of her personality…

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She groaned when she saw that familiar Tucson number.
“Hi Mom. What do I owe the pleasure of your call?”
“MC, is that you.”
She set the phone down and slapped her forehead. She took in a deep breath and pressed the receiver to her ear.
“Yes, Mother. It’s me your lovely daughter that doesn’t hesitate to take the time out of her day to drop everything to answer your delightful call.”

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