Garrison hated doing business in the North; once you crossed over the river the whole place seemed to smell of barnyard, which, unfortunately, including the woman. Garrison sighed as he thought about what he left behind in Antle.

Here's My take:

quote:

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The ride to Ravenspur had been a long one and Garrison was ready to sit down, have a warm meal and glass of wine. Preferably, it would be a chardonnay from one of the Malis vineyards in the Midlands, though that was probably to much to ask from [the<--Suggest replacing with: this] swill hole[.] [he was now standing in called the<--IMHO, cut this. It destroys the rhythm and is cleaner without it.] Golden Griffon[, i]t was a ridiculous name. [Garrison<--just he, the Garrison gets redundant to the point of distraction] had seen a griffon once[,] and it [seemed<--PoV seems more convinced than this. I suggest: was] unconscionable to [put<--[suggest: have or display] its name and likeness on a sign that should have read “the Horse’s Hind [Inn<--The point is more poignant without this.]”.

Garrison hated doing business in the North[. O]nce you crossed over the river[,] the whole place seemed to smell of barnyard[.][, which,<--IMHO - cut. Unfortunately, [that] includ[ed] the woman. Garrison sighed as he thought about what he left behind in Antle.

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The word "my" is in bold at the top, because this could be only my opinion.

1) Too many "Garrison"s. There is no one else to confuse him with, so he or [/i]him[/i] will do.

2) Great job of letting me know what time and genre this is, right off.

3) Great job of characterization, though it could be honed a little.

4) I would give it a page more, which is good, but I'd expect to see more than snobishness for my time. (He's not a very sympathetic character).

The hook could be stronger--was he forced to leave Antle? If so, why?

Good luck on this. I hope this helps.

At first I thought your main character (MC) was riding a horse. Then he's suddenly inside, but thinking about the sign on the outside. IB's suggestions leave him on the horse looking at the sign; its much smoother.

Its very removed--all in his head and not in the moment. I find this unengaging.

I think a stronger way to establish a begining is to have him doing something while thinking some of these thoughts. Then he can be reacting to the situation therefore prompting the thoughts naturally.

The way you currently have it he stands in the tavern just thinking stuff, which is a conveniently disguised infodump about his whereabouts.

Why not have him interacting with the barman--arguing or something that shows us a little about his character and allows pertinent info to be woven in naturally.

Garrison frowned and spat the ale back into the tankard. It was rancid, with a fishy after taste.
He turned to the Golden Griffon's barkeep.
"I asked for your best ale and this--" He tipped the ale across the wooden bar top. "--is not the best."
He pulled his dagger from his belt with one hand and grabbed the barkeep's collar with the other. He pulled the white-faced man close.
"Now, I make it a rule not to kill men for minor slights, but I should point out that I have spent three days in the saddle crossing the Plain of Skulls and--" He jerked the man's face nearer, until their noses touched. "--I am willing to make an exception on this occassion."
He touched the tip of his dagger to the man's throat.

(--sorry got carried away)

blah,blah...

Involve me in your story, create a situation that draws me while allowing you dispense information as required. A small argument with a barmn should allow you put in stuff about his long ride (I just want a decent drink after three days in the saddle), the tavern etc.

Try it or something similar, but start creating a situation not just an environment.