The right side of the boy has more exotic features, and is wearing strange clothing, suitable for a forest dweller, and is carrying a bow and arrows. The background of the right side, however, is a common city street, with cars, buildings, and pedestrians.

Following are the first 13 lines of the story:

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Everyone agrees that saving the world is an amazing accomplishment. To begin with, the world has to be in some kind of terrible peril, with certain destruction as the likely outcome. The hero must be in just the right place, at the right time, with the right training, in order to do the right thing. Needless to say, it doesn't happen very often. Isaac, however, would save three worlds.

Seventh grade had been over for a week now, and he was reading a novel in bed. "Finished!" Isaac said to himself, shut the book and tossed it onto a pile of dirty clothes. He stretched his long skinny body, got up, and went downstairs, where he evicted the family cat from a chair and sat down at the computer. He was reading his messages to see what his few

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I appreciate your feedback! What did you think about when you read this segment? What bits were interesting? What questions did you have? What was the most boring part? Would you want to keep reading?

Thanks! --- Eric Wadsworth

quote:

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Everyone agrees that saving the world is an amazing accomplishment. To begin with, the world has to be in some kind of terrible peril, with certain destruction as the likely outcome.

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Maybe I'm reading this with the wrong voice in my head, but this sounds more like the beginning of a book report on Spider-Man than the beginnings of a novel. I can see where you're going with this, but it might be that, IMWO, you're aiming too high too quick. "Save the world" is a cliche concept (especially after that 'Heroes' catch-line in recent years).

Again, IMWO, I'd like to see a hint of conflict at the beginnings of a novel to catch my attention, not necessarily the a definition of conflict. I'm also reminded of a great line from a terrible movie: "You're trying to save the world. That's impossible. Instead, I'm just trying to save three of them: my wife and daughters."

quote:

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The hero must be in just the right place, at the right time, with the right training, in order to do the right thing.

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However, I am fine with this line. It's a nice use of repetition to make a point.

quote:

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Needless to say, it doesn't happen very often. Isaac, however, would save three worlds.

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I agree with Nathan on this one. It gives too much away. It might even be as simple as adding in a single world: "Isaac, however, would have to save three worlds."

quote:

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Seventh grade had been over for a week now, and he was reading a novel in bed. "Finished!" Isaac said to himself, shut the book and tossed it onto a pile of dirty clothes.

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Maybe it's personal preference, but I like seeing dialogue starting its own line:

"Finished!" Isaac said, tossing his book on top of a pile of dirty clothes. Seventh grade was more than a week gone, now, and reading was one of his ways of combating summer doldrums.

quote:

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He stretched his long skinny body, got up, and went downstairs, where he evicted the family cat from a chair and sat down at the computer. He was reading his messages to see what his few

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No problems here. Maybe too many commas, but it reads just fine.

@nathanpence: Thanks for the feedback! Appreciated!

@Rhaythe: You caught me! I plagarized my son's book-report on Spiderman for that line... Just kidding. By gum, you sure are correct. What I want to do is to put some questions in the readers mind. How could this scrawny kid save ONE world, let alone THREE?

I was toying with another idea, maybe it would be better for the first paragraph to be like this:

Everyone agrees that saving the world is an amazing accomplishment. To begin with, the world has to be in some kind of terrible peril, with certain destruction as the likely outcome. The hero must be in just the right place, at the right time, with the right training, in order to do the right thing. Needless to say, it doesn't happen very often. But sometimes, the hero must also decide whether or not the world is actually worth saving.

Also something struck me as funny about his 'long skinny body'. Reading and in his own room would he picture himself this way? He would know he was long and skinny but would he think that, in his own head? It's pejorative, wouldn't he give it more emotional weight?

If it is important to see him as a tall thin boy maybe note the sort of clothes piled on the floor into which he drops his book. Dropping his book into the pile of dirty clothes, marked by a sad brevity of fabric, even despite his remarakable heighth, he....