posted
This is a short summary of a possible novel. (Not sure if I'm supposed to post only the first thirteen of a summary or not)
I want to know if this sounds intriguing, or absolutely stupid.
The kingdom of Tielyarid is in turmoil. Someone has broken into the eyrie and killed its golden falcon, the demi-ghal who gives the kingdom its strength in battle. Suspicions fall immediately on the Telyassars, Tielyard’s bitter enemies to the south. A plan is hatched, and King Wesvarren sends his greatest spy, Kasaro, to murder the Telyassars own demi-ghal: a sabre-tooth rabbit. But things quickly go wrong and Kasaro is sent back to his king in seven silver boxes, along with a note from the Telyassarrian king, Misthodus. The note reads: “My dear King Wesvarren, My rabbit thanks you for the sport your thief most graciously provided it. Next time, you would be wise not to assume Telyassarrian involvement in the death of your beloved demi-ghal, at least not without pondering the evidence as well as the consequences. Most sincerely, your friend in the south.” King Wesvarren is at a loss on what to do next. Without the golden falcon, his kingdom is powerless against its enemies. And with war brewing on two fronts against both the Telyassars and the savage Behemotots from the east, time is quickly running out. He must find a new demi-ghal, or else Tielyarid is doomed. And so, a decree is sent out through all the realm, promising a handsome reward to the man who brings back a golden falcon egg. But golden falcons nest in the treacherous Hemnar Heights, and the quest is an exceeding perilous one. So much so that only one man in all the realm rises to the challenge - Helmur Half-wit, the king’s fool.
posted
on the Telyassars, Tielyard’s bitter Having two factions both starting with T may make it hard for some readers to easily differentiate between them initially.
own demi-ghal: a sabre-tooth rabbit Begins to sound like a comedy, bringing up an image of Monty Python's ferocious rabbit in the holy grail.
But is comedy a part of what you're after? It's hard to tell for sure, but I'm guessing so, upon reaching Helmur Half-wit.
As a concept I don't have any problem with it. To me this reads more as the setup to the story proper, and it's that that I'd be more intrigued in knowing. Who is Helmur, what's does he have to lose, what does he have to gain? I'd almost wonder if the demi-ghal is a McGuffin by comparison.
And as for summaries/queries I'm pretty sure there's no 13 line limit.
posted
I completely agree with Ben. It sounds like your story is about Helmur and his quest. The stuff that comes before is important, but is not the main plot.
Sounds like an interesting premise, definately write it up.
posted
I would call this a pitch: a short paragraph that goes in a query letter meant to hook your readers. I like to imagine my pitches as what would be on the back of my novel once published for those who pick it up off the shelf.
That said, is most of what you wrote back-story/setup? If so, you may want to concentrate more on the main story arch for your main character and do less backstory. If this is the first part of a longer synopsis to your novel, then it works fine as long as you proceed to go on with the main character story.
That said, it is intriguing. I definitely think you have a good story here: political intrigue, spies, mystical quest, etc... Let me read more if you have it.
posted
Summaries, synopses, query letters, and outlines do not fall under the 13-line rule because they are not being submitted for publication.
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posted
Thanks all or the comments! As I said above, this is more a blurb than a summary. Mainly I just wanted to see if this hair-brained idea was worth moving forward with. I haven't written this yet, but as soon as I finish the first chapter I'll post the 1st 13 here.
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