" Failon Fellburne searched the hillside above him and caught a glimpse of the Dendron upon its uppermost ridge, branches thrashing in the rain. His ears detected nothing beyond an occasional blast of thunder and even that sounded distant, but to Tereck—his lone companion—the sound must have been deafening. To Failon, any noise was the music of Angelic voices.

Except, of course, the cry of the creature they sought.

He shifted in his wet boots and wished yet again that he had been more diligent at oiling them that morning. The dark black cloak that he wore about his shoulders was soaked through. It had been a night of ultimate hell, a night that would live in his memory until the day that he gave up the ghost and traveled to the Angels in the northern sky. "

Still have no clue about Tereck. Skip that; it’s worse that there’s this reference to the creature they seek, with an indication that it is worth being scared of, but absolutely nothing more about it. After that reference, I don’t want to hear about his boots (And I’m not sure whether or not the Dendron is the creature.) On the other hand, the details in your last paragraph help to keep your MC in the setting, instead of simply wandering around in his mind thinking about something that isn’t there (to tell us about it). It’s tricky. Maybe the creature should wait until later (if it’s not the Dendron)?

I’m okay with “Dendron” now that I know it’s a tree (or at least has branches), but then I didn’t know it was a word until Hatrack enlightened me.

Still don’t like Dendron, Angelic and Angels being uppercase. Words like elm, oak, elf, dwarf, demon, angel are usually lowercase.

Is it usual to oil boots? I didn’t know that. Also, you don’t need both dark and black—pick one.

“It had been a night of ultimate hell, a night that would live in his memory until the day that he gave up the ghost and traveled to the Angels in the northern sky.” This doesn’t seem to fit with the rest. It pulls me out of his head; I wouldn’t think to myself that an experience was “ultimate hell”. And its kinds long. I’d almost rather see “an awful night”. Or simply “It had been a night that would live…” What was so bad about it, anyway? (I hope not the storm.) Um, can someone else speak to this sentence?

Suffice it to say that there truly *is* a reason for the capitalization, folks. I'm not sure how others go into books--that's why I'm on here, after all, to figure out what people think--but to me, something like capitalizing a certain word, or using a word that is unfamiliar is usually not a turn off; it makes me want to read on and figure out *why* that word is used as it is. Maybe I'm way off here?

hehe... Dark black... oops. That's even a pet peeve of mine.

The confusion as to what the creature is may be an issue... I considered removing the sentence "Except for the cry of the creature they sought" entirely, but then the entire reason for Failon and Tereck being out in the rain would be lost. I *could* start with Failon thinking of the creature, but I want to start with something *happening* instead of just someone thinking about something that is going to happen.

So while I am in complete agreement on the "don't argue with critiquers" idea, I am supportive of the "this is what I'm trying to do, and that's why I'm doing it this way, but if you can suggest something that will work better, I'm willing to consider it" approach to responding to feedback.

I also hope people here on the Hatrack River Writers Workshop forum can feel comfortable with the idea of asking for brainstorming-type discussion to help them with a stumbling point in a story.

I guess, for me, at least, it's all in the attitude (which is a very hard thing to assess online--no tone of voice, no facial expressions), and the person whose attitude may be in question knows what that attitude is even if the rest of us can't tell for certain.

As a reader, I feel bombarded with unfamiliar terms (Dendron, Tereck, Angelic voices, the creature they sought, etc.)

All of these things need to be explained to the reader, and it is easier to introduce them one at a time.

Think about what Failon is doing, seeing, and thinking at the moment, and then show us in the writing. Don't worry about introducing us to his one companion or the Angelic voices, those will come when Failon naturally thinks about them.