I decided that I would try to write up some simple summaries to help me focus since I'll need those for queries eventually anyway. I've got two paragraphs I wrote on my lunch break today, each done in a different style. The problem is that they sound so terribly cliche. I can't imagine that anyone would want to read the story based on them. I tried several different versions, but nothing helped. How can you summarize a novel at this high level without making it sound so boring?

I'll post them here and I think you'll get the idea of what the story is about at least. I'd like some advice on how to make them sound less formulaic.

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The cities are empty. Everyone that Madeline Dupont knows is dead. One of few survivors, she makes her way to a safe haven. Away from the dangers that infest her world she comes to terms with the terror and desolation. The world has changed and the survivors rebuild. Coming from the chaos outside, Cormorant Island is a utopia. Electricity has been restored. Food and water are easily obtained. The more Madeline learns about the island though, the more convinced she becomes that there is no such thing as paradise anymore.

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(This one is the sort of movie trailer version. I think it sounds less professional, but to me it seems more compelling than the first one.)

Welcome!!

The problem with your summary, IMO, is that it is vague. Anytime something is too vague it ends up feeling cliche. It is the specific details that separate your story from a hundred other post-apocalyptic novels out there.

Here's a better idea of what I mean.

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The cities are empty. Everyone that Madeline Dupont knows is dead. One of few survivors, she makes her way to a safe haven. Away from the dangers (vague, what dangers? zombies, aliens, nuclear fall out? that infest her world she comes to terms with the terror (vague again. What is the terror? What caused it? and desolation. The world has changed and the survivors rebuild (This whole sentence is meaningless. You already told us the world changed, and it is obvious the survivors need to rebuild. Your wasting valuable space here). Coming from the chaos outside (vague), Cormorant Island is a utopia. Electricity has been restored. Food and water are easily obtained. The more Madeline learns about the island though, the more convinced she becomes that there is no such thing as paradise anymore (This whole last statement is so vague. You leave me with no idea where the story is going. There are so many possible reasons to why the island is not a paradise. I think you need to be specific here.

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I actually think the second one is better. I don't know why you think that one is unprofessional.

You compared your summary to a movie trailer, and I think that may be the problem here. You don't want your summary to read like a movie trailers. They can afford to be vague in their scripts because the visuals fill in the details. In writing a novel you don't have visuals, everything has to come from your words. Specific details help the reader see the story. You need them in this summary and in your novel.

You may want to read the back blurbs on books to see how published novels are summarized.

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The end of civilization can be summed up in one word: rabies. Most of the world’s human population is wiped out by a mutation of unknown origin. Unfortunately not all of the infected die. Packs of enraged survivors rove the otherwise desolate cities in search of something to appease their ravenous appetites. One of few uninfected survivors, Dr. Madeline Dupont makes her way to an isolated island that is far from the paradise it first seems. Cormorant Island is led by a group of individuals who assert their control with military force. Obsessed with the fact that humans are now a critically endangered species, they design misguided policies to direct the rebuilding effort. Clinging to her sense of dignity Madeline finds herself opposing the most powerful people left alive.

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Lessons learned this week: I'm bad at summary.

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No, no! It is not a judgment about your ability.

Lessons learned this week: Summary is different to blurb.

Getting a reader interested enough to read seems to be what you were attempting first up. That is a blurb, like what you see on the back cover (or on the slip). A blurb is usually a short setup, a teaser, but little past the first two or three chapters. As a blurb, I quite liked the first one that you wrote.

There are many types of summary, each for different purposes. But the purpose of the types of summary that you seem to want is to summarize everything that happened, and/or to summarize just the important things. As your purpose was to cut the number of words down, then the detailed summary should reflect what you actually wrote, so that you can see what you can cut out without destroying the story. So a chapter by chapter summary, maybe in dotpoint form, seems what you need. In addition, a "just the important story" summary can help. Then you can compare the two and see great swathes that can be cut out.

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I think I was a afraid to give too many specifics for fear that I would send people running away at the thought of another zombie story when it really doesn't have much at all to do with zombies.

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I wouldn't worry about the zombie element too much - if its a key part of the story then it meets a market niche and that is a plus to the publisher (albeit he might have several thousand of the same, which is a minus). If it is only part of the background, as it seems, then using other terms for the zombified people would prevent it getting put into that niche, and help the publisher identify the niche of readers that would enjoy the story. By the way, it sounds a bit like "28 Days Later".

It's not really at all like 28 Days Later, though I can see where you're drawing that parallel based on what I wrote above. You do see the zombies occasionally, but they aren't the villains here. They are more scenery than characters I'd say.

Trying to make what I wrote sound different and interesting in a couple of hundred words when it took me thousands to do it the first time is really tough. If you want the cutsie description that I gave my husband when he asked what I was doing with all my time: It's a science thriller set during a zombiepocalypse.