The Demons want to own me and the Fairies want me dead. My name is Althea, and I am a Fairy, Demon Hybrid. Soon, I will be breaking the most fundamental rule Mom had ever taught me; don’t ever do anything that will get you noticed.

Althea has been living alone and continuously running since she was thirteen years old. Now, events are falling into place that will change Althea’s life forever. She must go from just surviving, constantly on the run for her life, to becoming a significant member of the revolution in both realms. With the help of other outcasts and the dreaded Harvester, Tassos, Althea must embrace new, frightening responsibilities and find a way to save her Mother from the Fairy King Rolland’s grasp. A Demon kidnapping, intense, romantic interest, and swarms of magical creatures become hurdles Althea must face to save her Mother and the mortal realm she has come to love.

Please leave feedback on what you think, or if you have any suggestions that might improve upon this query letter.

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What would you do if you had the opportunity to save the only person that ever meant anything to you? Would you face your fears, or continue to hide from those who had hunted you since before you were born? Just how far would you go for your Mother?

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Be advised, many agents HATE queries that start with rhetorical questions.

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These are the questions the Fairy Demon Hybrid Althea must answer in my novel, Lady of the Shadows.

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I'd actually start with the sentence below. Give a little more detail about Althea. Answer the "why should we care" question.

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Althea has been living alone and continuously running since she was thirteen years old. Now, events are falling into place that will change Althea’s life forever. She has gone from just surviving to becoming a guardian of magical artifacts and a member of the revolution in the immortal realm.

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All of this is phrased as back story, yet it's the most active part of the query. In other words, I have a clearer idea of what happened before the story starts than what is happening in the story.

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With the help of other outcasts, her Grandfather Triton, and the dreaded Harvester, Tassos, Althea must face her fears and save her Mother from the Fairy King Rolland’s grasp.

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Too many names. Three tops in a query. One or two is better. In this case, I'd just stick to Althea (and maybe the love interest, if there is one).

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A Demon kidnapping, heavy romantic interest, and swarms of magical creatures become hurdles Althea must face to be successfully reunited with her Mother.

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And this is probably mostly stuff that will happen after the inciting incident, which is as far as most queries need to go.

This needs more of the choice Althea has to make. "Face her fears" is too generic. Almost every protagonist has to do that at some point.

There's also no sense of the stakes. Okay, she's trying to rescue her mom, but she's been doing okay without Mom for some time. What bad thing happens if Althea fails?

Sounds like an interesting story. Is this YA?