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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Books » 1st 13: Flight of the Gods

   
Author Topic: 1st 13: Flight of the Gods
Jed Anderson
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Stories of Orion Samson, the Godslayer, and his Arcs were always being told by the traders and travelers who came through our little town. Growing up, I would always be one of the first to gather around whoever was telling the newest exploit of his. Tales of his battles would spark a note of imagination in me. Myself and the other children would play games based on what we would hear about him, and we would make up new stories and battles, too.

There were three of us in my town that were of the same heritage as him, children of the Castaways. We would talk and dream of one day leaving home, joining the Honliona, and become an Arc. We dreamed of some day fighting in battles at Orion's side. Thora, a girl who was two years older than I, dreamed more of meeting

[ June 18, 2013, 09:02 PM: Message edited by: Kathleen Dalton Woodbury ]

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Melanie Vera
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I think that you have a good story here. It really sets up the characters that will come across in the story. It will be interesting to find out more of what the Arc is and what each of these different groups purpose is in their society.

Why was this Orion such a hero in these peoples mind would be good to know as well. Why is this girl Thora mentioned in the story would be good to know. I like the use of POV 1st person used because it brings me into the story.

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InarticulateBabbler
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The first line is a decent hook, but the second descends into backstory (which doesn't progress the actual story, but stops to explain). The next paragraph becomes more telling than showing. I suggest showing the protagonist and his friends interact. To know they have powers by seeing them strikes a deeper cord than the main character telling us like we're sitting around a campfire.

Are they inside? Outside? Is there a danger headed toward the village? Who is the stronger of the characters--in personality, not abilities--and who the most rash? No, I don't expect all of this in 13 lines, but hints at who they are and why I want to read about their stories is what I need.

I hope this helps.

[ June 18, 2013, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: InarticulateBabbler ]

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Jed Anderson
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Flight of the Gods is a sequel to The Return of the Gods, so most of these questions you have have already been answered.

The problem I'm having most with this story is the advance in time, and figuring out how best to move into the transition. What's the best way to tell a reader three months, or two years, has passed between chapters?

Any takers?

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extrinsic
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One of the many ways to signal a time transition, one that I favor, is to set it up before making the jump: prepositioning and in some cases perhaps foreshadowing are the writing principles for this kind of transition writing mode.

Say Basil lives in Bristol and plans a trans-Atlantic trip to New York via ship. The end of a scene in Bristol might portray Basil deciding to go, making plans and preparing, talking about his plans, or visiting a passenger agent ticket office, for example. Unless he encounters plot-related complications aboard ship, the next scene can skip over the voyage and open with Basil's first perceptions of New York, so long as the scene relates to the central dramatic complication and moves the plot. This kind of transition is labeled a jump transition, with the jump being a passage of time and space.

Signal jump transitions with an empty line space for a minor jump, three centered asterisks on a line by themselves for a stronger jump (subsection or subchapter), or a chapter break for a major jump.

[ June 19, 2013, 08:37 PM: Message edited by: extrinsic ]

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Jed Anderson
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So, just make sure I give the set up for the time-transition. Christ, that makes what I've been trying to do a helluva lot easier. Thanks.
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