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Author Topic: 13 line [i[cliche[/i] hook challenge
snapper
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This is simple. Write an opening to a story. Make it hook. We vote for which one is best. One week from now is the posting deadline. Now for the catch.

The story must start with the MC waking up. That's correct. The biggest no-no in Feedback and Fragaments. You can either post your own or you can sedn it to me if you prefer a degree of anonymity.

Standard voting practice. Vote for favorite title and top three picks in teh order you liked them. We should get plenty of entries for this one. Prove that you can accomplish what others say is impossible and write a waking up opening that any editor would want to read.

Good luck!


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billawaboy
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length? just first 13? whoops should read the title...

[This message has been edited by billawaboy (edited February 13, 2010).]


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Nathaniel Merrin
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Is this where we put it? (Along with someone waking up, I include the weather, some setting of the scene that includes an "info dump" and descriptive words and phrases, and a word or two of dialogue spelled idiosyncratically.)

Title: Daughter of Affliction (or Hija del aflicción -- based in part on this 2009 9-1-1 call.--> http://www.aztlan.net/minutemen_murders_911_call.htm )

###

A young girl, clutched at her mother's side, awoke with a start. Had it all been a dream, she wondered? "Mamá?!" she innocently pleaded, her words almost drowned by a gust of wind that rustled through the trees outside her family's home, a double-wide trailer in a small town in Arizona the 2000 U.S. census claimed to possess but 98 souls. A pot that had caught leaks from the storm had overturned in a melee the evening before, which soaked the floor, now red with blood from her father's crumpled, inanimate form. "Papi?!----" she called.

"Shh, mi hija!" tensely hushed her young raven-haired mother, alert to noises as might reveal that associates of Papi would return ---- as now Mamá clenched the handgun she had known he had stashed under their bedroom mattress. "Ohh---mye---gawd!"

[This message has been edited by Nathaniel Merrin (edited February 14, 2010).]

[This message has been edited by Nathaniel Merrin (edited February 14, 2010).]

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited February 15, 2010).]


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skadder
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You are well over 13 lines. Normally whoever runs the competition creates one thread for discussions (this one) and another for entries (snapper will no doubt do this next time he is on line).

Bear in mind the point is (usually) to win the competition--in this case everyone is equally handicapped by having to use the waking cliche. You are further handicapping your chances of winning by doing another no-no (the infodump as you point out). I am not making a comment on the quality of your entry--you may wish to leave it as is--or you may wish to re-consider making the difficulty level higher for yourself.

Also if you examine previous competitions, entries are normally limited to the title and the intro only. Explanations, links, etc, are not required--your piece should stand on its own.

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited February 14, 2010).]


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Nathaniel Merrin
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Oops. skadder, I was taking the contest in the spirit of the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. (Whose winning entry in one recent year, by the way, was):

###

"Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.' "

###

It's true that my "info dump" snippet clashed with the rest, some, though.... (For some usage pitfalls perhaps common within such old-style, flowery prose, see here.--> http://www.cwu.edu/~writingcenter/resources/handouts/new_imagery.pdf ) but even a cursory glance should find more wrong with what I'd written as "hookish" introduction than merely the CENSUS stuff; geez! when my [imaginary] "story's intro" contains too many modifiers and too stilted of language? not to mention too wordy of phrasal constructions and maybe even run-on sentences, for the contemporary audience, for the most part? (and no doubt would be considered "hackish" even for "pre-Modern Litt" audiences or those for Contemporary Romance, as well?); plus my use of the weather is rather a cheap, one-shot trick that probably couldn't be sustained through a whole piece, either?----or, perhaps it could be! hmm----THAT'S an idea! < winks >

(In truth, I think I could have handled my "info dump" better. It should have added something to the setting more than the factoid I chose. O well.)

[This message has been edited by Nathaniel Merrin (edited February 14, 2010).]

[This message has been edited by Nathaniel Merrin (edited February 14, 2010).]


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billawaboy
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Uh - snapper...maybe start a separate thread for the entries - (where only you post them). this one's hurting my brain trying to separate entries from small talk...

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snapper
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Sorry everyone. Had a busy weekend. Going to start a new thread and move the one submission here there.


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Nathaniel Merrin
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Having read the entries so far, I am impressed with their writing's being on such an incredibly high plane! My own contribution excluded, of course. What criteria do we shape our preferences by? How inclined to turn the page on and read more? or do we try and evaluate by whether the author succeeded in accomplishing hi/r objectives, etc., as well?

[This message has been edited by Nathaniel Merrin (edited February 15, 2010).]

[This message has been edited by Nathaniel Merrin (edited February 15, 2010).]


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skadder
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We wait until snapper states that the competition is closed and that voting is open.

Then you can give a quick comment on each entry (what worked, what didn't) followed by your 1st, 2nd and 3rd choice. You can also separately vote for the best title (just the best one, NOT 1st, 2nd and 3rd).

Snapper stated the purpose of the competition as being 'write a waking up opening that any editor would want to read'. Unless snapper corrects me, I would assume this is the criteria to measure entries against. So an entry would need to establish a desire to read on despite the use of the cliche.

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited February 15, 2010).]


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snapper
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The end of the competetion will be after Sunday...when I get to closing it.
Then we vote!

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snapper
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This is a 24 hourish notice that the competiton will be closing. I will official announce it tomorrow evening unless you beg me to wait (an hour or two)
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snapper
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Time is up!
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skadder
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So voting can begin.
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billawaboy
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pro'ly should renumber the entries - after deleteing entry 6...
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skadder
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Why? It would be needlessly confusing and time-wasting. Every entry has a number which is the most important thing.
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skadder
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Is there a time limit for voting? Usually we give people a week or they get disqualified....snapper?

Otherwise it could drag on for weeks...


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snapper
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Yes, a week is more than enough time.

You have to the end of the weekend, everybody.


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