The casual pace of the noonday crowd quickened to near panic from the sudden noisy ruckus of running soldiers and blaring trumpets and horns.

Two warriors bolted up the wide staircase, one a tall muscular woman clad entirely in black, the other bearing only the semblance of a man. He was clad in wilderness garb, rough and worn and made to cover his skin entirely. The binding at his throat had loosed during their dash through the enormous estate allowing his deep hood to slip back. His face was still mostly hidden. Luck would be merciful this day however, all eyes were on the woman leading him. Her name, the only word of their odd tongue he understood echoed in their wake in excited whispers.

“Rashi Ola`in!”

Comments:

A scaly non-human finally gets vengeance. There is some good imagination and worldbuilding here which was fun to read. Unfortunately, the revelation that Dolin is a non-human came too late for me, seeming a little like a cheap gimmick rather than a genuine part of the story. I also didn't see why Dolin needs to be non-human to make this story work. Various elements in the prose were a little unclear, such as whether Dolin is one of the two warriors in the opening scene; this left the piece a little confusing. Overall interesting, but didn't quite resonate.

###

Good story. There were some disconnects in the description that caught me up. In the first case, we are told there is a battle raging, but we also read:
A troop of Royal soldiers was scattered around, decimated to the man, most of them headless.
If the troops were “decimated to a man” no one would be left to fight. Also the use of decimated is somewhat odd here since decimated implies a reduction in number, not complete annihilation.

There were also a couple of size disconnects. The Giant is large enough to grasp the invaders in his mouth, but in the description of him, his arms are the same size as the POV character’s legs. Now the rest of the story leads me to believe the attackers were of a similar species to the POV character. Something with arms the size of my legs is unlikely to seize me in his mouth and sling me around. Add to this he fits into smaller rooms and there are some perspective issues for me. Now one way around this is for the Giant’s anger to make him actually grow, which is something that can be done in this type of fiction.

I didn’t get a good feel for how the alien viewed the world differently than the humans, other than the limited ability to understand the languages.

These are minor quibbles, however, in a generally enjoyable story.

###

Nice story. I liked the way you refer to Peli Koth'don as "dragon, red-born butcher" and then refer to Dolin as "white-born", which lets us know he is another sort of dragon. Subtly done, but so much so that if I hadn't been looking for the non-human POV I probably would have missed it. Also, in the opening I assumed the POV character was watching two figures run up the stairs; I didn't realise at all that the POV character was one of them. At various points in the action I was often confused as to who was present and what side they were fighting on.

I enjoyed the description of Dolin's spinning attack, and the way that memories of his slain family played into it. I also liked that Dolin could not understand the human language. All too often humans and non-humans can communicate way too easily in fiction.

You have some rich language in this piece and for that I commend you, but at times the usage of certain words seems not-quite-right.

###

This story looked like a scene from a Conan novel. The story was really just one big blood soaked battle. The 3rd person narrative was way too distant, in my opinion, for the spirit of this contest. We really know little about Dolin. The story just follows him as some super amazon warrior hacks everything that come close to her. I had no idea what the war was about or why anyone would be willing to take on the trio in the story. In short, Dolin was a bloodbath without a cause. Murder and mayhem and nothing else.

###

Over all not bad at all. There are some confusing sections though, for me at least. The first two sentences aren’t bad but I really think they could be broken up. In fact the writer seems to like long sentences. Most could be broken up. The “It was crushed hope” seemed to come out of no where. It deserves at least it’s own paragraph. This is the confusion part. Were they in a city, an estate or castle? Well, the castle and estate could be the same thing but parts of the description made it sound like a city surrounded the castle. I was also a slightly confused by the ending. Was the dead red born female a leader? The top leader?

###

Confusing, but beautiful prose. I'm not sure what happened or why, or who was on what side, who was the enemy. Lots of death, lots of tortured bodies, but not enough meaning, or comprehension to take the yuck factor out of it. I would suggest clearly diliniating who is on what side, and showing clearly early on that Dolin is a dragon, and make the dragon think of the humans and the giants as different species from him.

"Welcome aboard Senator, mind your antennae. Here it is. "

"I see its cryo chamber worked. Do you think it can understand us, Colonel?"

"It doesn't seem to be reacting to the translator."

"Is it dead?"

"I can't be sure. I don't know the first thing about its anatomy. But look closely here."

"Ew. It's moving."

"Yes. Where the thorax should be, it just goes up, down, up, down, over and over. And hold a claw just... here."

"Weird. It's cycling the atmosphere."

"I have yet to determine why."

"Do you think it uses the atmosphere somehow, maybe

Comments:

Good take. I was impressed that so much information was conveyed in a short period of time. Good job of incorporating the alien point of view. I didn’t find a lot to quibble with here.

###

A story consisting entirely of non-human dialogue and well written with no words wasted. Cool. Aliens that consider a human and it's ship and wonder which is sentient is a bit of a cliche, but this was well-executed and an enjoyable read.

###

Aliens find a human ship with a cyro frozen member. Intriguing, an alien encounter from the other side. Nicely done but it’s a theme I have seen before. Nevertheless I liked it and it fit the non-human requirement well. I did like the alien perspective of a species it didn’t understand. Solid entry, one that should be able to find a home somewhere.

###

This story was clever and well written. I did not bump on any grammar issues which means the author has equivalent or better grammar usage than I do (with a hard lean toward better). The conversation has a smooth delivery and ‘stays on scene’ so to speak. Overall enjoyable read.

I guess my main critique has to do with the delivery of the idea, which is an individual preference point rather than a technique issue. The delivery of the scene seemed very human in nature, as if the CH’s were just wearing alien masks. All that really did to me was kind of reverse which one was alien to me as the reader, and it very quickly became the human subject on the table. Interestingly, this did not detract from the story. Sum-up; The aliens did not seem all that alien, even though I pictured them as bug-like creatures, because the conversation was normal for human banter.

###

Again not bad over all. Short and to the point so it’s about the right length. The only thing I can suggest is more action during the dialogue. Probably including more description of the beings. I don’t think it has to be a complete description but maybe a couple of more hints.

The one sentence I wasn’t sure about is “"Yes, of course. This." “. The “this” seems incomplete like there should be more to it.

###

I liked this story, lots of humor while still having a smart point. I would suggest making this look more like a transcript of a conversation, in absence of description, but I found it still worked.

He didn't look much like the humans I knew—their eyes squinting out of wind-burnt faces from the backs of their rude horses—this one had a face like butter, not a wrinkle to be seen. And he didn't arrive on a horse, rude or otherwise, just popped out of thin air and started talking to me. Not at me. To me.

"Slow down," I said flicking a fly off my broad backside. "Your name is Wilfred, and you are responsible for the fence posts?"

"Yeah, sure," said Wilfred. "Now listen to me. I just need a thirty second vignette of your life situation when I say 'action'. Can you do that for me?

"Sure," I said. I love to talk about myself.

Comments:

A cow gets her comeuppance on exploitation and solves a little paradox while she's at it. I had very little to complain about in this story as it seemed well edited apart from a couple of typos. My main issue was that the diagrams are introduced prematurely for my liking, as they are a significant distraction – should Wilfred have announced that his device was picking up diagrams before the first diagram appeared, it would have made more sense. Instead they got me to stop reading and ponder what their purpose was, which threw me out of the story. Overall though a lot of fun, a cute ending, and a great take on the story prompt.

###

Great story. I got caught up in this and the trip down physics alley was great. There is a math error in equation 5 of diagram 1, however. I loved the POV from the inhuman.

###

Now this is what the contest was about! A tale of a very bright cow and an alien reality show director from the future. I loved Bess’s perspective and her character in general. The strange director was equally as delightful. This story was one of the funniest stories I read in a year. What really sold me was the diagrams. Never mind Bess couldn’t have drawn them in the first place, or how she was able to get a hold of paper and a pencil in a pasture. Loved, loved, LOVED, this story.

###

This was a well written piece. The story, dialogue, characterization, grammar, etc. were all very well done. The only thing I had to get over was personal preference where the story is concerned. I was feeling involved until I realized the MC was a cow, then everything seemed very Disney to me. I had difficulty caring about the outcome so never really felt connected to MC. The comment by Wilfred that Bess was ‘pre-sentient’ seems to fly in the face of the whole piece, when she is obviously carrying on a conversation with him.

The final section was confusing but readable. However, going from pasture to gunfight… with fireballs, lost me. The second heavy twist at the close was pretty cool, but again filled my head with cartoons. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

###

The opening wasn’t bad but it was a tad confusing. Or at least to me. I had to think about the back of the horses thing for half a second. Could be because it wasn’t what I expected. Of course heard isn’t the right herd but that’s an easy mistake to make. Not much more I can say. Maybe have Bessie think something about the term asinine.

###

I didn't think I would like a story about a cow talking about not being food, but I found this story absolutely hilarious. Way to think outside the font, graph builder. I loved the handwritten word, "expletive" in the middle of all that math. It really felt like a story written by someone who loves writing, and loves breaking rules, which I dig. Well done.

Perrin Dumonde, as he called himself, woke at the edge of the King’s Forest feeling cold and a bit thinner than usual. And he was without his man.

He searched for his brave swordsman high and low around their deserted camp but found no trace of him in this dark forest. A man does not usually leave without his own shadow in tow but apparently, this one did.
An odd sound coming from the forest road caught his attention. It was a thick, sloppy sound that put him on edge. A slow sh-h-lop, sh-h-tump, sh-h-lop, sh-h-tump. He could see it clinging low to the deepest shadows where the trees meet the road. It was a Dark shadow, darker than the forest shadows and spread over a large hut-sized area, pulling itself along with a cruel

Comments:

A shadow is tricked into an eternity of unwilling servitude. The issue of a shadow normally being shortlived was very unclear at first, which made the whole 'three days' thing seem very confusing. Choice of pronouns was also a little confusing, from the non-capitalization of 'shadow' to the choice to call the shadow Perrin (To Perrin's great relief) which made it unclear just what was going on at the beginning. Apart from a couple of confusing POV issues there was also a few typos here which tended to trip me up (protocals?) Overall a complete story, but one that didn't quite seem convincing: If there's no requirement in the handbook that he tell the truth, why can't he just lie his way out of the contract immediately?

###

Interesting take. It seemed like I was in a weird version of “Meet Joe Black” and a twilight zone episode. Good ingenuity in the story, and a nice little twist or two along the way. I found a few comma faults and some spelling and syntax errors. By in large it was a fun story to read.

###

A creative idea for a non-human POV, with interesting twists. The fact that the shadow had a name and expected to be attached to his man at all times made me assume right off the hop that it was as long-lived as its human counterpart, a lifelong companion. The short-lived-ness of shadows could have been expressed more clearly up front. The Shadow of Death was a neat concept, and the way that shadows of inanimate objects didn't tend to speak was a neat detail too. The writing itself could use some tightening up and I'd like a clearer idea of why the MC is so driven to stay alive when other shadows seem to welcome their fate. Oh yeah, why was Rew's last name "chiropractic" spelled backwards?

###

A shadow who wants a second chance. This was a nice story. A shifting perspective deep into the story is my only complaint. I liked the rules of the shadows needing to stay out of the light and how they are able to talk to other shadows. Nice story.

###

This piece was very interesting. I found very few grammar issues to comment on, just word choices and such. Initially I thought we were in a dark forest so I pictured night time, then the MC was worried about crossing the full daylight between forest and castle, easy fix. I had a hard time figuring out what the ‘sound’ was. The paragraph reads like the ‘sound’ is the thing coming toward him. I did not see a description of any ‘thing’, just sound.

Granted, 2500 words doesn’t allow for a lot of drawn out exposition, but the scene where the MC was jumping from shadow to shadow felt very clipped. When The Shadow of Death caught up with the MC may have been a pretty good spot to start the story. From that point on it was great. Very cool concept that seemed original to me. It seemed to me that SoD had never considered tricking another shadow into taking his place, then it (almost) seems like he’d planned it all along. I noticed a bit of POV shift @ “The Shadow was about to reject…”

The ending could have been much stronger but was a great ending. The staff leading him away was an outstanding final picture. Good story.

###

Not bad over all. This one might be able to be done better in places even though I’m not sure what to do to improve it. The second paragraph is one example. I can’t really see how but my first thought after reading it was it could be better. The “Darker than” sentence almost seems like a partial sentence because of the first word. A few more examples of the five senses could help. But would a shadow be able to smell or taste but than again it can see and hear. And a bit more descriptive phrasing might help too. What color outfits did the burly swordsmen wear? Nice scene with the sailor’s shadow. Not much else to say with this one.

###

Great title. I enjoyed this one, but it seemed to have no real weight, emotionally. I didn't actually care very much for Perrin, and there wasn't any clue or explanation that showed why Perrin was different from all the other shadows. Why didn't Perrin want to return home? It felt like the plot of the story only moved forward because Perrin was an idiot, and didn't notice how happy the Shadow of death was for him to take his place, he didn't consider what he was signing up for, and he wasn't even paying attention when he signed his life away. And then when he found his man there wasn't a pay off, he got a little ticked to be replaced so quickly, but he didn't seem to have any emotional tie to his man, except that he was his.

“What are you doing way out here?”

Tonid gazed at the star field before he turned to the newcomer. With a frown he took in the other before he responded. Even though it had been years since they had they had seen each other, the newcomer was as Tonid remembered; seven feet tall, with broad shoulders and shiny hair that hung down to his shoulders. Like Tonid’s his wings were extended to their fullest.

After a moment he said, “I’m exploring creation.”

“This is very far from HQ-I was calling for you.”

“I know but this star nebular is interesting. I have never seen those colors before.

The newcomer looked around studying what looked like a thunder cloud in space. The inside moved, as if colored oil boiled

Comments:

A concise, colourful Christmas story. A few things had me scratching my head here, such as when we find reference to an archangel; if the beings can refer to themselves as such, why not have the story confess as much at the beginning? The main character was a little confusing for me as well, as I couldn’t see specifically why he was chosen for this particular duty (or why he goes on to say more than three words at the end). I also felt this story suffered from a problem common to works on this subject matter, which was that it felt somehow a little glib and/or saccharine. Overall a cute idea but it didn't get me really engaged.

###

I liked the story, but then I’m a sucker for a Christmas story, particularly one woven into a Sci Fi mold. Interesting take and definitely see through the eyes of a different being. I did have a couple of quibbles.
This line confused me:
“This is very far from HQ-I was calling for you.”
Probably a different form of punctuation would help, such as:
“This is very far from HQ; I was calling for you.”
or even a period.
This sentence read a little odd also:
It’s going to happen and someone needs to ward the humans.
Did you mean, “Someone needs to warn the humans.”
One other problem you face with this kind of story, some of the views and takes are at odds with some readers beliefs so need to tread lightly here.

###

A cute story perhaps best aimed at a younger Christian audience. In my opinion it would make more sense if Michael was referred to by his name right from the start, rather than calling him "the other," since Tonid clearly knows his name. There is much allusion to events in the past where Tonid spoke to humans and lost his sword. Were these supposed to be a reference to an Old Testament story? If so, I wasn't able to make the connection.

###

An angel delivers a message. I love these types of behind the scene’s tale. I liked Tonid as I did the ending. Another nice story.

###

This piece came very close to being truly great. I loved the concept and most of the writing. However, in the construction of the MC you have made him as close to human as possible. All of his thoughts are based upon the frailties typically found in people. From the MC’s personailty traits my mind projected a very Disney-like Angel, the cute but clumsy underdog that nobody understands. This only after a very nice opening that made me initially think the MC was going to be strong and wise. Finding out that the MC is insecure and a little bit dull caused a hard strain on my ability to forgo ‘disbelief’ and buy into the story. He is an Angel after all.

###

Interesting. I liked the form of the story, and I liked the allusion to the past, with the lost sword, and the fall when he didn't unfurl his wings correctly. He seemed very human, and I didn't really get what the differences, other than the wings, between humans and Angels. Also could human's hurt Angels? I think a clearer view of the angel world, with clear rules, would strengthen the story.

Dr. Guton snarled at his assistant then turned his attention back to the sedated creature lying on the table. It was the ugliest thing he ever seen - all pale and pasty with five spindly appendages, one that was grossly under grown.

“This makes the fifth tracker we wasted on this thing,” he said.

“They’re not cheap and in case you haven’t noticed, were not exactly in the neighborhood of an alien tracker supply depot to get more.”

The wounded field tech withdrew from the doctor’s barrage. As far as Guton was concerned, he was getting off lightly.
Guton sliced into the outer layer of the creature’s oversized head, fighting an urge to vomit while he parted its strange

Comments:

Aliens keep trying to track their human specimen, who removes their trackers by popping pimples. The first scene was a little confusing to me as I tried to place just what was what and who was who; by comparison the second scene was clear and moved nicely. Perhaps lacking references, the opening seemed to be a little too like a dissection at first, and it wasn't apparent until the reread that they were just planting something in his skin and not chopping his brain in half. The alien characters also seemed a little sketchy; the cues for identifying a human character seem much easier and consequently I had no problem with them. Overall nicely done, though I have to wonder if the switch to a human PoV is fully in the spirit of the competition.

###

Ok, I think we have too much information here. Nice take, if only I’d known back when I was a teenager. I like the inventiveness of this one. Good pace and nice twist at the end.

###

Aliens examining a human that they consider inferior is a bit of a cliché, nevertheless it was a fun read. I liked the interplay between the know-it-all doctor and his observant underling. One thing though. If they are examining humans on earth, where they can see them build houses, roads, bridges, etc, why would they assume the humans lack reason and would be unable to notice the trackers? I could see this being the case if the aliens are extremely different than the humans, for example noncorporeal or completely egalitarian, but these aliens act much like humans except that they growl and find the human disgusting.

###

This is another very well written piece, grammatically speaking. My comments are more about the fullfillment of the contest guidelines. I was not able to identify any physical aspect of the two MC’s, inhuman or otherwise. From the description they could have been anything… cause there is no description. The conversation is typical of hundreds of Forensics labs in hundreds of TV shows or torture rooms or evil scientists… I got nothing ‘inhuman’ from it beyond a couple of references to ‘less-than-noteworthy’ appendages on the subject. I appreciate the stab at humor at the end, but it got more of a let-down head shake than a chuckle… waited a long time for a simple zit-pop.

###

Interesting and somewhat fun. I would like to know how the assistant got hurt if the “creature” was already out. Nice info dumps built into the story. Again some more of the five senses or however many the researchers have could be good. And there’s an assistants head that should be assistant’s head.

###

I laughed out loud at the ending. The zit joke, felt very adolescent to me, but putting it in line with the unlikable doctor, and the whole alien abduction thing, made it feel a lot smarter. It walks the line of immaturity that all of us have, but does so in a smart way. I liked it.

Many objects passed through the space around the gas giant each turn. Some fell into its gravity well and lit a fiery path through the upper atmosphere until they were quenched in the sea of gasses. These Karzac chased, but only to fill her belly with any heavy elements they might contain.

Others passed by on their way to die in the heart of the sun, or, having traversed the solar system, returned to the oblivion of deep space. Karzac ignored them completely.

Few were on such a trajectory that they would one day reach another star system. Fewer still would ever reach Karzac's home star. When she noticed the Wanderer approaching on just such a path, Karzac had been growing fat on plutonium and uranium for 1071 turns. She paid her respects to the gas giant as

MOVEMENT

WRRRR>>>>

CLICK

VISUAL: Same seven trees. Blue sky, sun at about eleven o’ clock, movement to the left. Bunny, it’s a bunny. Hello Bunny!

AUDIAL: Nothing from the bunny. You’d think with ears that big he would hear me. Crunch of leaves. And there he goes.
Silence.

CLICK

BLACK

#

MOVEMENT

WRRRR>>>>>

CLICK

Comments:

A vignette about a sentient camera. For me, this piece suffered from a number of mechanical issues which interfered with my ability to understand what was really going on, not least of which was the scene-break cues (if it's capable of seeing movement, why does it click?). Lacking apostrophes, the separation between the pov character's dialog, the dialog of other characters, and the pov character's thoughts was very unclear and confusing, leaving me with little idea of what was really going on. In the end I wasn't sure whether the blue hand was that of an alien, or bigfoot, or if I'd missed the point altogether. This read like what should have been somehow a funny joke, but which I've sadly missed entirely.

###

Probably did the best job of putting you in the inhuman thought process. Nice twist and pretty interesting. I got a little confused with the back and forth as to who was talking to who, but then the thought process in not human so why should I.

###

Great non-human POV! It was at times a little hard to follow and at the end I wondered whether the entity that was talking to the camera was bigfoot, or was just making conversation (a bit of a joke). FYI, I decided on the latter when I was reading. I liked the "damn birds" bit, made me laugh.

###

A camera that thinks, and a clever one at that. I like the narrative of this piece. A little disappointed of the identity of the subject but hey, it worked. Liked this one too.

###

I am honestly unsure what to do with this. I read it several times but could not really make a story out of it. I can see what you are trying to do and am pretty sure that I don’t have the writing chops to do it.
I don’t know who Audial is supposed to be representing. I assume Visual is the camera, either lost and still running or it is some type of mounted, motion actuated device. I feel the need for more actual information to get a better sense of story here. Wish I could offer more.

###

I am honestly unsure what to do with this. I read it several times but could not really make a story out of it. I can see what you are trying to do and am pretty sure that I don’t have the writing chops to do it.
I don’t know who Audial is supposed to be representing. I assume Visual is the camera, either lost and still running or it is some type of mounted, motion actuated device. I feel the need for more actual information to get a better sense of story here. Wish I could offer more.

###

Even though over all not bad I think there could be more action. especially at the beginning. And one question are there rabbits in the forests where bigfoots like to hang out? I don’t recall seeing any. Squirrels yes and even a chipmunk that last time we headed for the mountains but no bunnies. Obviously can’t have all five senses in this one even though scent might be included with a futuristic camera. A bit more different statements could help I think. It does get a tad boring. That’s it for this one.

The spacecraft screamed across the bright blue sky like a meteor, spreading bright shards of light and trailing a plume of white smoke.

Inside the craft Frank Weed struggled to control his damaged vehicle. The small transit craft had encountered an unexpected Gamma Ray burst from the nearby Red Dwarf and most of the electronics had been fried. Frank was lucky the chart noted a class I planet nearby, PX275, which meant a survivable atmosphere. The red warning denoting a quarantined planet was a drawback, but the fact that this was the only way he was going to survive the event made that point moot.

The little craft was sturdy, but the descent was outside the normal limits for a safe descent into the heavy atmosphere.

Comments:

Frank Weed crashes on quarantine planet, turns into dog-alien. I started out without much idea of who Frank Weed was, why he thinks of his mother (only once?) and why I'm particularly expected to care about his story. There was also a little redundant showing-then-telling which as a reader felt like I was being bludgeoned with a paragraph's point after getting it already (redundancies also extended to a few distracting word-repetitions, like 'jugs of water, a … pump to purify water. If he could find a source of water…'). The prose in this piece had a very journal-like feel to it which seemed to distance me from what was going on; I felt that I was being told about some events rather than really experiencing them a number of times. Overall I think there
is a nice idea here, and it would be nice to see this go through some editing to really allow this reader to experience the gradual alien-ising of the pov character.

###

Missed on all counts.

###

Interesting concept, having the POV gradually shift from human to non-human.

One grammatically nit up front: you do have a tendency to overuse verb constructions that end in "-ing". I'm not saying to get rid of this construction entirely (it is a useful one), but I believe reducing its use would instantly improve how your story reads. There are also some instances where this tense shouldn't be used, because the actions described are not simultaneous:

" Pulling himself over to the command consul he pulled out the data book on the system"

If the data book is in the command consul, then these two actions can't occur simultaneously as the wording implies.

Frank doesn't show much reaction to being marooned, apart from near the beginning where he considers killing himself, but rejects the idea. He doesn't grieve for any lost relationships, or show signs of repressing that grief. He also doesn't really react to finding the town. Would he not be disappointed to find it uninhabited, or wonder what happened to the previous inhabitants?

I do really like this story. It could just use some polishing up.

###

Man experiences a transformation after a crashlanding. This one could have used some trimming. Did we really have to know Franks every move? Passages like…

“Crash Survivors on this Planet WILL NOT BE RETRIEVED”. Maybe it would be better if he had not survived the crash. It was obvious he couldn’t just wait for a rescue that would never come.

… are redundant. We can see for yourselves a rescue was not forthcoming. Nice story but needs scissors.

###

Great story. Nice job. One of my own stuggles with writing a short story has to do with pacing. My comments are about the pacing/exposition of this piece. I would suggest that if you were to re-write this that you get through the crash with less detail and get on to the ‘inhuman’ aspect of the story sooner. It had the feeling that you ‘stretched your legs’ on the first half and had to hurry up with the second half in order to come in under 2500 words. A tremendous amount of effort went into the descent and crash, while some of the cooler aspects of the MC’s change were brushed over. Possibly consider starting the story after the crash, after he comes to (so you don’t start with a wakey, wakey scene). The opening was very well written so it doesn’t really detract from the story, it just seems to rush the core of the story. My #1 pick… BTW.

###

Hmm, this one was a little harder to crit. The first sentence is too long for my tastes but I’m not sure if that matters as much as once did. In fact the writer seemed to like long sentences. “Franks arms felt” should be Frank’s. Not sure if his hands being soaked is quite right. It describes what is happening but some readers may get drawn out of the story by that phrase. A bit too many was-s. The impact scene could be a little stronger I think. And I not sure about him “wobbled” to the survival. It fits but it might be kinda humorous. The “make the best of a bad situation” seems like too much telling and a bit cliche-ish. That’s it for this one.

###

I really liked Frank, and liked the vividness of the world, even the ship seemed clear in my mind. This worked for me, the transition between human and inhuman, felt gradual and natural. I was left wondering what happened to the rest of the dog like things, and why he was the last. But still it felt like a happy satisfying ending well done.

1st: Entry 3: Food for Thought
2nd: Entry 2: Thawed
3rd: Entry 6: Tagged

Dolin - DRaney

Thawed - BenM

Food for Thought - Ethereon

A Passing Shadow - Smiley

The Messenger - LDWiter2

Tagged - Snapper

CLICK - Shimiqua

Maroon on PX275 - Utahute72

Thanks for your entries everyone. This was lots of fun and I'm completely impressed by your imaginations!

Big time congrats, Etherton. You beat a Writers of the Future Winner. Thanks for joining in the fun BenM.

I think 5 of the ones I read should be published the way they are and the other two could be with a few changes.

Honestly this may be the best patch of stories yet.

What I wanted to know was 4 grand what? Matchsticks? Pennies? Four Grand Ballrooms? Four Grand Opera Singers? Boy that last would be a lot of weight and if the took turns singing you would know everything you started would end very quickly.

Maybe the winer is Grand Grand Grand Grand ?

quote:

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So Snapper which one shouldn't be published?

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Oh that's easy. Mine.

That's the one I didn't mention, since you were counting the entry numbers. Not going to stop from me trying though. It's currently sitting in the Brain Harvest slush pile.

Almost like to do this again since I have another non human story but as I said on another note it's longer than the rules for this contest. But we could change that rule.

for example... the funniest oddity; One comment had to do with the giant holding someone in his mouth... far as I can tell he never held anybody in his mouth.

And a couple of the comments were offering advice about specific things I was attempting to do... that I could have done better... 'If I only had a brain.'

I could use your collective help with something myself. I'd like to submit Food for Thought and I need to decide what to do about the diagrams. Some people quite enjoyed them, others found them, or at least the way they were placed, distracting.

Do you think they need to be redrawn? Would it help if they were simplified? Ex. bigger pictures, smaller math (and less messy)?

Do you think the story would be auto-deleted by electronic submissions systems because of the size of the file? I suppose I could mention that in my cover letter...

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“Unfortunately, the revelation that Dolin is a non-human came too late for me, seeming a little like a cheap gimmick rather than a genuine part of the story. I also didn't see why Dolin needs to be non-human to make this story work.”

“I would suggest clearly diliniating who is on what side, and showing clearly early on that Dolin is a dragon, and make the dragon think of the humans and the giants as different species from him.”

Very informative comments. I was trying to hold Dolin’s description to when it naturally occurred, based upon his thoughts of the difference between him and the red-born. It made no sense to list his descriptive elements to himself nearer the beginning.
The reference to one of the warriors, ‘bearing only the semblance of a man.’, was not strong enough to trigger an ‘inhuman’ note ringing in the chord of what was happening. This would make the next few sentences confusing; ‘…luck would be merciful…’ etc.
Suggestions on how to hold story elements back without holding back?

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“decimated to the man” no one left to fight – They were fighting the giant, he was holding them at the doorway leading into the long anteroom.

This ties well with a later statement about the thing being too bloody and violent. Thanks for stating this so bluntly. I was fairly concerned with this. I tried to stay out of the actual fight but for the brief encounter and I tried to be less detailed about the graphic nature of the yucky stuff.
Suggestions on how to strike a good balance there?

My question for the reviewers that it appears most comments were that I should shorten the story, but my feeling was that I should have spend more time exploring the time spent surviving and in the transition to the alien species.

D Raney.
I don't mind grim or gross details if they are necessary to the emotional growth or experience of the characters. I suggest focusing on how the character perceives the muck, and how the grimness changes him. For me reading about blood and guts has a cost factor, and if there isn't a pay off, then it's gross. Make sure it's worth it and not just set dressing.

I should hear something on it in the next couple of weeks.

a) Food for Thought
b) The Miraculous Mental Might of Bessie Broadside

You have an idea on where you're going to send it? It should sell, if you send it to the right place. Avoid WotF. KDW warns humor is an extreme longshot. Humorous stories, that I have sold later, were uncermoniously rejected by the contest.

And congrats Snapper