Mack - I'm sorry things are rough right now. Though this sounds generic, I hope they work out for you. You've got the Ralphie Lovin' in your corner, toots.

Big thanks to all of you. I had a rough spot last night. The CAT scan results came back negative. That's good and bad. Good because I'm not going to die of any nasty disease. Bad because the doc still doesn't know wtf is wrong with me. The doctor then said she thinks that a major component of it maybe be psychological.

I then burst into tears.

Now, for those of you who know me, that doesn't happen. I rarely cry. My poor doc.

She then says "I don't think it's in your head, I think it's a very real pain, but that at least PART of it is due to stress and anxiety."

Me. "How do I FIX it?!"

She wanted to try some valium to see if it would lessen the anxiety and stress. She also told me I am not to work until Monday...and only then if I feel up to it.

So.

I take the Valium when I get home. I didn't sleep the night before, so I crash an hour later.After three hours of fitful sleep, I get up and make myself something to eat (something I haven't done in weeks because of work).

Two hours later, I'm doubled over in pain and crying. I don't cry! That's at the pointed that I talked to Ralphie, 'cause I couldn't get control of myself enough to use my phone. Everything just smacked me at once with work and the mood stuff and the pain and how am I supposed to do ANYTHING when it hurts this much? How can I live like this until I see the GI specialist on MARCH 17th, more than a month away? How can I deal with crap at work? If I can't exercise, how can I keep control of my moods?

Why is it that I've done everything right and everything has gone so horribly wrong?

At the moment, I do feel better. I stopped the valium and took the vicodin and that's masked most of the pain. Has at least made it so I can do normal things. I'm going to see if I make my workouts just 3x a week and lower impact (ditching the running component for awhile and not playing racquetball unless I'm cooling down) if I can get through them.

Also, even though I've lost 3 sizes, I've only lost 9 lbs total since December 17,so sayeth the doc's office. That's a little confusing. o_O

So, yeah. I need to clean my apartment. 'Tis a mess.

Mack puts up with all my unbearable name jokes, such as *sMACK* and "Big Mack Attack!", so aside from all her other great qualities she's A-list in my book

Even when life's kicking her in the slats, she's still tougher than I am-I'd be wussing out like the stereotypical little girl who fell off her bicycle, but Mack grits it out and pushes on.

We're sorry about all the crap that you've been goin' through, but Rak is right-you're tougher than most people.

We love you over here...especially for all the help.

Get well soon.

Muscle weighs more than fat and takes up less space. So you are losing the fat in the right places and gaining muscle in other places

Take care, mack, and I hope you feel better soon.

I know you are under extra stress with your job. Maybe a little while off would be a good thing. I wish there was something I could do to lessen your pain.

How you feeling?