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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Divinations, 5 cents. The wizard is IN.

   
Author Topic: Divinations, 5 cents. The wizard is IN.
Saruman
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Do you need answers to a problem? Are you looking for advice in a time of need? Do you seek forgotten Ring-lore that will give you dominion over all life? Saruman the Wise is here to answer your questions for only five cents.

[ January 17, 2004, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: Saruman ]
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Beren One Hand
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Who will win the Pweb poetry contest ?
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Saruman
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The decision will be difficult, but in the end, Geoffrey Card will stand alone as the most deserving Orson Scott Card fan.

[ January 17, 2004, 04:40 PM: Message edited by: Saruman ]
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sarcasticmuppet
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*slides nickel to Sauruman*

will you really die on that spiky-wheel thing in the RotK EE?
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Beren One Hand
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*spit shines a nickel*

Great, now I don't have to waste time writing a poem!

*note to CalvinMaker, disqualify OSC's family from the contest*
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Saruman
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Die? What nonsense is this? Saruman takes over the world in the extended edition.
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Anthro
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Dude, you get scoured.
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Saruman
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Oh, I'm pretty sure I would remember something like that.
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sarcasticmuppet
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Saruman and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat...
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Julie
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Will Bush get re-elected? [Angst]
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Teshi
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Will I do well on my exams?
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rivka
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*hands over $.25*

Will I ever get a job? When? What job?

Keep the change.
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Saruman
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quote:
Will Bush get re-elected?
No. A mysterious dark horse candidate called Sharkey will steal the vote away and usher in a new era of progress.
quote:
Will I do well on my exams?
No, because you're wasting all your study time by browsing Hatrack.
quote:
Will I ever get a job? When? What job?
You will become part of Sharkey's entourage. Just bide your time and wait until the takeover—er, I mean elections—are over.
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rivka
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*moans in despair* I knew I might have to scrape the bottom of the barrel, but working for a politician? *wails* The shame! The horror!
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Teshi
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quote:
No, because you're wasting all your study time by browsing Hatrack.
I thought you were going to say that. In fact, I was almost going to put a clause in to my question that said that that wasn't an acceptable answer. *sigh* I suppose I asked for it.

Besides, I'm not browsing, I'm quickly reading when Bismarck and Physics and Math gets too much for me.
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Anthro
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quote:
Oh, I'm pretty sure I would remember something like that.
Yeah, well, I remember it. The hobbits use Brillo pads on you. O'course, you die, so maybe you wouldn't remember. . .
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Julie
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quote:
The hobbits use Brillo pads on you.
[ROFL] That's a great out of context!
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Vána
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*plunks a nickle in the jar*

How can I keep my cat from trying to eat my hamster?
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jehovoid
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Is there such a thing as a free lunch?
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Saruman
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quote:
How can I keep my cat from trying to eat my hamster?
You can't. You might as well try to keep your cat from shedding, licking itself, or ignoring you. My advice: feed the hamster to the cat and get it over with.
quote:
Is there such a thing as a free lunch?
Yes. See above.

[ January 21, 2004, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: Saruman ]
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jehovoid
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Well that's certainly worth a nickle.
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Dan_raven
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* drops in nickel *
How can I get a dime for free?
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Saruman
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That's your question? Go scrounge around a parking lot or something.
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Maccabeus
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Jehovoid, many things are worth a nickle, as a nickle is not a piece of currency but a small fish. [Taunt] You are thinking of a nickel.
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Derrell
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Oh wise one, will I ever find true love? I await your reply. [Angst]

[ January 21, 2004, 09:36 PM: Message edited by: Derrell ]
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Saruman
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You will find true love on Flag Day.
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jehovoid
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*drops in a fish*

How can I more easily remember the correct spelling of "nickel?"
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Saruman
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By paying me in nickels instead of in fish.
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Teshi
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How can I stop my fish from swallowing my nickles?
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jehovoid
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Fair enough.

*Gives the man a nickel*
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