posted
Dh's AM calls Saturday wants him to come into work. They have calenders galore and the management insists in a 24 hour turn around, so they need extra people. He says no, it's the kids' Christmas play. So she asks him to come in Sunday (the day he does laundry), and he says, "OK for the morning". He does not take a lunch. So the kids and I get home he's not there, I rush aorund doing laundry while feeding the kids. I call him at 1;30 and ask if he'd like us to bring hima lunch. He says no, the hungrier he is the meaner he will be, the sooner they will send him home. So he gets home at FOUR and tells me they want to change him to a Tues -Sat schedule. I flip out; this is not OK with me. He asks if he should just quit and I say YES, I am tired of this job. So yesterday he comes home and says his new schedule for the week, maybe longer, is 6AM-4:30 PM. So we can't do things we need to do together, like go to the bank, plus he's working at least 9 hour days ( I DO NOT trust he will be off at 4:30 either).Damn, I know this sounds mean but I just wish his store would go bankrupt and shut down because that is the ONLY way he will look for something better.
Posts: 1021 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
I suspect he can't just quit, because he feels (rightly in my opinion) an obligation to provide for the family.
Take an active hand in him finding a new job. Write his resume for him. Use the newspaper, online job searches. Show him the other job opportunities. Help him write his cover letters.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but I have a difficult time feeling too bad for women who hate their husbands' dead end jobs that the husbands don't even want to be in, but do nothing about it but complain to their husband. My husband has never, ever gotten another job without at least a little bit of my own involvement, even if that is just writing a resume. When he got layed off, I spent more time than he did in the process of finding another job. Not because he did nothing, he looked, but I put together the portfolio, wrote the resume, and wrote every cover letter. Why? Because this was my talent, and definately not his.
But even if that isn't exactly your talent, it may not be your husband's at all. He may still need help. And if he is working, he may need something to go to rather than simply quitting and hoping he finds something good enough before you run out of money. Because he won't be able to collect unemployment if he quits. And it is tiring to and perhaps feels disloyal to his coworkers for him to look for a different job when he comes home from work.
The process of us working together about this got me to believing that employment or household income was the responsibility of both of us, no matter who is gaining it. We should approach it as a partnership, using our talents and time towards the best opportunity for our family, not just the one employed.
posted
Here's something my husband could have written:
I hate where my wife works. Last year, they cut her pay twice, then didn't pay her at all for an entire month. I was praying that the damn company would just go under, but somehow they survived. So then they started making her travel. At first it was just one week out of every two months, which was okay. Then it was one week a month. Then it was two weeks a month. Then it was every week, with her home only on the weekends. They put her pay back up to the full amount she was making in 2000, whoopee. But the only time the kids and I see her is on the weekends, and then she's so dog tired she might as well not be here. And it has gone on for 8 months straight of her gone every week to who-knows-where. I wish they'd just go under.
****
He didn't write that, and wouldn't. Though all of that is true. If I hadn't had his full support and encouragement, I wouldn't have made it through that very awful season in my job, which thankfully, looks like is passed. I've been home for 6 weeks. I'm working from home again, and get to spend my days with the kids as well as do the work I love.
I sympathize with where you're at...it must be very aggravating. I just hope you can also see how incredibly important it may be to him to have your full support and encouragement through a time that is likely very stressful and difficult for him.
I hope this post isn't inappropriate... I really do sympathize. Honestly, I don't know how my husband made it through this past year. He's quite the hero, and no doubt, you are too. Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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I suppose it is difficult if you don't think things will ever change. That doesn't give any light at the end of the tunnel for you. But it does sound like maybe he is communicating with the manager (the new schedule doesn't mention weekends?) Maybe it will work out after the rush season.
And I don't want to sound unsympathetic either, but I have to agree with Amka. My ex was worse -- it wasn't that he couldn't find another job, he couldn't KEEP a job. He wouldn't get up and GO to work on a consistent basis. In our 6 or 7 years or marriage, he went through at least 15 jobs, and many more months of that were unemployed.
I always twinge a little bit when I hear a friend complain about her workaholic husband, because I know what it is like to be married to the exact opposite type of person, with creditors hounding at the door every second. I would take a man who works hard, long hours any day over one who will not work.
But hopefully there is a happy middle ground somewhere -- a good stable job that pays your bills, but still allows time for family and spouse. (Has he tried at a bank? I work for a bank, and this one is very family-centered, and we get most weekends off).
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