posted
Did you hear about the young man that had an improper relationship with a nun named Chloe? She was removed to a distant location and he saw nothing of her for 4 years. He was overjoyed when he moved on to seminary and was told he was to be cloistered.
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I heard about an artist that would use imitation human bones to make his point. For example he once used humerous, ulna, and radius bones in a piece he called "The Arms Race" His latest piece though has me scratching my head. He has a sacra all alone in the middle of a blank tableau. For the life of me I still can't think what the blessed sacra meant.
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A local Catholic church announced it was closing down. Seems that over the past couple of years, attendance at Sunday services has been steadily declining.
After months of denial, they realized they were looking at Mass extinction.
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The chief naval chaplain was furious when he saw the plans for the new ships of the battlefleet. He stormed into the office of the chief naval architect.
"You fool!" yelled the chaplain. "You didn't include chapels in your plans for the new ships!"
In response to the architect's puzzled look, the chaplain cried:
"Just where do you expect the crew to attend warship services!!!???"
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One ice cream parlor in town figured out a new marketing gimmick. The owner knew a lot of families had trouble getting kids to attend church without doing some bribing - a promise of a reward in turn for good behavior (interestingly, when sermons stress the same thing, the term "bribe" isn't used).
Anyway, the ice cream parlor started a special offering after church services on Sunday. It was a huge bowl of three different kinds of ice cream, covered in hot fudge, fruit, nuts, and countless fixins. This huge glob of ice cream heaven became immensely popular.
They call it "The Sundae Mass."
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Atheists accuse those who believe in God of being illogical and irrational, since atheists claim one can't logically prove the existence of a god.
Believers hold atheists in disdain as well.
They think atheists are irrational and that their beliefs deify logic.
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When Henry VIII kicked the Catholics out of England, he did it by de-creed.
Everyone likes to look at Pegasus' beautiful wings and his wavy mane, but he himself is proudest of his long flowing tail. Or as he likes to call it, his flying butt tress.
Some monks used to wear cloth made from burlap bags, but this all but died out once the church leaders started calling them "sack religious."
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In the Catholic faith, priests are considered the intercessors between the parishioners and God. So, in a way, they're the kyrie liaisons.
In his later days, Paul took to writing vituperative letters to the editor about the decline of morality in the world, how unchecked immigration is ruining the country, and how much better things were when he was a kid. Although these letters never made it into scripture, they have been immortalized in the Apostle's Screed.
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There was a hippy named Yun who lived in a commune. He was a Buddhist. After many years, he moved to the city and decided he decided to convert to the Catholic faith. He did, and from that day forward, he was known in the church as Commune Yun.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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A new archeological find here in America found evidence of a previously unknown religion. The news is bearly off the press, but essentially it's this:
A previous culture built its religion around worship of grizzly bears. At least once a year, they'd offer up a sacrifice.
One young man of the tribe would walk naked and unarmed to seek the bear and meet his grizzly faith.
(please forgive me if I repeat a previously stated pun. I am coming late to this game, but I do not want to be Left Behind.)
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Did I hear correctly that Kama got a bad cut? I hope they closed it up with a good Kama Sutra.
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I heard ther was a real insect problem down by the waterside. The exterminator came in, though, and made them Ortho docks.
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I'm glad they fixed that problem. Those are the fishing piers, the lifeblood of our economy. Just remember, in Cod we Trust!
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I have to assume your fishing town is populated by Lutherans. After the Diet of Worms issued the Edict of Worms, Luther became the flounder of the Lutheran Church.
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Jeez, I go to work and everyone shows up and goes crazy. Jihad to wait till I was gone didn't ya? Or this was intentional and I'm being cult from the herd?
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Did you all hear the story about the devout hemp maker? Apparently he was experiencing tough economic times but was loath not to contribute his normal monetary amount to the church. His solution was to donate an equivalent amount of rope. It was thereafter referred to as "The Tithe That Binds"
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