posted
Oh, I'm not going to touch that with a pole of any length. But I've got to admit that it's a shame Lalo no longer posts here; Eddie would be all up in's already.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Altáriël, fishing for dates on the Internet, even on Hatrack, when you’re feeling vulnerable is a BAD idea. You’re asking to get hurt, and you’re likely to hurt any nice guy who is foolish enough to take you up on it. And a boyfriend is not going to magically solve your problems – you need to learn that you’re a whole and healthy person in your own right, not because of your love life.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: And, pairing up with a boyfriend is not really the greatest way to boost your self-esteem. What happens to too many women with low self-esteem is that they rely too much on the men in their lives for validation and a sense of worth. Better to set aside the quest for romance until you are feeling stronger in yourself.
A good relationship has both parties feeling strong. If both are weak and fragile, they lean on each other too much. And if one is strong and the other weak, well, either the strong one gets tired of always having to support the other, or the strong one has some nasty bullying issues and is attracted to someone that he can dominate. Either way, not so good for you, Alt.
My advice is to work on yourself as an independent, strong, terrific person. Cultivate a group of friends, male or female, with whom you feel comfortable. See if you can find a professional counselor with whom to work on your self-esteem issues.
I think that once you feel better about yourself, you will automatically become attractive to the right kind of person.
posted
Altáriël, I'm around your age (a year younger) nd have 4 sisters and no brothers. Therefore, many of my friends growing up and now are girls. As their friend (for some reason girls only seem to be attracted to me as friends) I've talked to girls that feel much the same as you ... lonely, insecure about looks, incredibly shy around guys they are attracted to ... and almost without fail, they eventually find someone. The relationship most definately doesn't always work out, but it does wonders for boosting their self confidence. It's just a matter of finding the right guy, or waiting for the right guy to find you. So while you may be down now, you will eventually find someone who is so attracted to you, he won't leave you alone, no matter how shy or offputting you are. In my personal opinion, this would happen even if you were ugly, which you are not. So while I do advocate talking to someone and getting whatever help you think you need, just realize that there is someone out there just for you.
*Lyrics from John Mayer and Boxcar Racer pop into head* lol
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Yeah, Tante and dkw pretty much said it all. I've been in a somewhat similar relationship just last month and it hasn't lasted. The situation wasn't altogether the same, but there were things like the girl not feeling "beautiful enough", or thinking she's "too thin", etc. that seem similar to your case. I've tried to tell her that wasn't the case, but didn't manage to get to her. Ultimately it's you and you alone who has to realize that you are in fact a normal girl and there's nothing wrong about you. On the other hand, the thing about someone "being out there for you" I think it's pretty much wrong. I say start knowing yourself a little better, stop making judgements like "I'm not good enough" and remember that every relationship means a lot of work from both sides. Then look around; I'm sure you'll find someone with whom you could see yourself, and while it might not seem like "the romance of the century", I think chances are you'd find something beautiful. And it's alright to be shy around people you like; just don't freeze and try to find a little courage to show your interest. That's not "slutty", those are "the rules of the game". How else is a guy supposed to know you're interested in him too?
Posts: 4519 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
I feel great today! I think those chats with Raia have really helped. All of a sudden my life is colored in pink!
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
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