posted
CT, that's it exactly. The little notes are so disrespectful, and I think they are pansy, too. I'm not her child or hers to command, and we live together under mutual cooperation. Dictating to me while hiding behind a pen is NOT mutual cooperation.
I was awake and in my bedroom with the lights on. There is absolutely no excuse.
Posts: 1753 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
I am a terrible housekeeper. I would seriously resent any implication that I was inferior because of the low priority I place on housekeeping.
I am thankful that I don't have to have a roommate. I can only live with people that I already love. Either dear friends or a romantic partner.
One solution that I have not seen here is to hire an occasional "house elf". I would find it well worth the expense to save the time, stress, and aggravation. As well as the balm it would be to the relationship with whoever I cared enough to have for a roommate.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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It is a matter of priorities and style, not a matter of worth or goodness. So long as nobody is chronically ill from microbial overload, stealing other people's things, or putting small children at immediate risk for having huge boxes of books fall on their heads ( ), it isn't a big deal. And even if it is a big deal, crabby notes aren't the way to address it.
kmboots, my husband and I were housekeepatorially incompatible when we first met. I grew up in a place where we hadn't seen all but a few strips of the floor in years, and I would rather not think about whether it was okay to throw away a given thing -- because I knew (from experience) I'd probably need it a week later. So we made the commitment to live apart for the rest of our lives if need be, maybe in a duplex , so we could both be comfy.
Turns out that we met somewhere in the middle after all, and we live together happily now. But I think the idea of visiting one's love is just marvelous, even if you live next door. (Who were the lovers that lived across the park from one another? Simone de Beauvoir and Sartre? Anyway, totally romantic. Hang a red kerchief in the window when you want company!)
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
(I edited my first post to make it clear that I wasn't implying that Taitiana was being passive-aggressive about this. Totally different situation!)
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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I am so bad and get so stressed about it - and have so little hope of really changing my behavior permanently* - despite the best intentions - that hiring someone to come in once a while seems like heaven for me.
Even if it just for myself sometimes.
*And if he's the messy one, we are a health hazard.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
You know I think virtually every female in the Chicago hatrack clump is the same way. Maybe we should have get togethers rotating from place to place, where everyone pitches in to shovel the place out. It's always soooo much easier with friends who aren't emotionally connected to your clutter (even if they've got plenty of clutter at their own places) you also know you aren't getting judged with friends like that since they are in the same boat!
quote:Originally posted by kmbboots: One solution that I have not seen here is to hire an occasional "house elf". I would find it well worth the expense to save the time, stress, and aggravation.
Absolutely agreed.
quote:Originally posted by Xavier: In perhaps the ultimate in passive/aggressive note leaving, my older brother divorced his ex-wife with a note left on the dining room table.
I assume you actually mean that he left her (and or said he wanted a divorce) with a note. (Even in states with no-fault divorce, the paperwork is a BIT more involved than that. )
And as someone whose ex did the same thing, I actually don't necessarily consider it passive-aggressive. IF AND ONLY IF it is followed up with a conversation. A note can be the best way to clearly state the issues, without it devolving into yelling or tears. However, if the note was just left there and he didn't stick around to talk about it, then I agree with you.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
This makes me so glad I'm finally in a roommate situation that I love. (No offense to former roommates....)
My last roommate situation was with a guy (my boyfriend) and another guy. My boyfriend said that I had promised that the place would be neat, and IT WAS NOT! Meanwhile, he threw all his trash right next to wherever it was he was sitting at the time it became trash. And when he cleaned, he claimed he was the only one who ever, ever, ever cleaned. But when I cleaned, he didn't notice. And if I pointed it out, he said, "Big deal." The other roommate had his girlfriend over every night, and they were extremely loud, and every time she saw me, she was extremely rude to me. The last time, I saw her, she, my ex-boyfriend, and her boyfriend were sitting at a table in a restaurant I'd walked into. I went over to say hi, and said that I was just passing through because I was meeting friends shortly. And she said, "Well, hurry up and pass through already!"
Before that, I had a roommate who routinely left her alarm clock on even when she was sleeping elsewhere. And she was so obsessive about how no one could go into her room that I actually felt guilty creeping into her room at six am to turn off her alarm clock even though I'd already ignored it for thirty minutes, knocked on the door for ten, and checked that her car wasn't there twice.
My current roommate is messy like I am-- we leave things where they don't go, don't do dishes, leave accumulations of things that ought to be thrown out, and then once a week run around and put everything in its place. The other night, we had a party, and it took about thirty minutes of cleaning up the mail, pushing furniture back into place, tossing all the laundry into the washer and the hampers, running the dishwasher and hauling out trash to make for a really respectable apartment. And, like me, he seems to prefer to do it as a joint effort.
In fact, we're both Internet addicts, and we don't have a network or a router-- we share the same Internet line, and even that is going well.
So I'm pretty pleased. =D
Posts: 1751 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
How about "if you share a meal with the person who cooked, it would be nice as a matter of courtesy to be the person who cleaned up."
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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quote: - When you borrow someone's tools, do not leave them outside exposed to the elements for weeks on end.
*cringe* I remember when I left my last job they pretended that my toolbox has been outside for a week even though they put it out there once they saw me come to pick it up. I remember taking it in good fun, but I was irritated nonetheless. Tools are a hot-button issue with me, I pay good money for good tools(Snap-On tools), so I loan them out very cautiously.
Posts: 4229 | Registered: Dec 2002
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