posted
Curse you, Pearce. Now I have to invent a way of using "for erotic services" somewhere not too incriminating. *shakes angry fist*
Posts: 2762 | Registered: Sep 1999
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posted
If it was clear that he did the inviting and he was going to pay (and that can be implied rather than explicitly stated) then I don't think you're overreacting at all.
Being pissed only hurts you, though. You learned something about your friend. Now it's up to you to decide whether you can live with it or whether you want to end the friendship. It's not exactly a friendship ending sort of thing, but it may very well be a sign of the end.
But to offer a wild suggestion of what might really be up based on my own experiences...
I used to be friends with a guy who always had money. A small group of us would often get together Saturday night, and we would get goodies at the grocery store. I think he paid more than his fair share and eventually got tired of it. The rest of us would pitch in, of course, and I don't remember the specifics of every time we went out, but my memory tells me that he paid more. (I also remember footing a big bill myself for our group a few times...just not as much.) Anyway, if your friend is always the one who pays for group things, he might have taken it out on you. Just a thought...
Posts: 2880 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
I agree with ElJay (I think that's it, I read it last night), that you should never expect to be payed for. Even if it is your birthday and you feel like a princess, you still shouldn't expect much, it makes the good things feel better. When you post these threads (and trust me, there are a few out there about me), you have to expect some will agree with you and many will think you're acting like a brat. You're a good kid (I can say this, I'm a year older than you ) but I think you have overreacted from time to time, I have too, it's normal. Just so you know, when you were talking about the "intricate details" that reads as "I made out with him, and he owes me."
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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What you told us was that he invited you to one place, and then when that fell through, you suggested "Why don't you take me to [alternate place]?"
quote:The situation demanded he pay for it.
No, it did not.
If he didn't explicitly offer to pay for it, there was no onus on him to finance your ice cream. From what you've said ("he made it seem like it was his treat"), he didn't do this. Miscommunication? Sure. Something to be angry about? Nope. Annoyed, okay, but anger -- especially to the extent you've said you're angry in this thread -- is definitely an overreaction.
quote: I'm not going to go intricate on details, but you guys have to trust me on this one, I have every right to be as pissed off as I am at him.
I don't think you do. If this is how you react when someone doesn't buy you ice cream, how will you react when someone actually wrongs you? Or even hurts you inadvertently? Basically, you're saying that you're just going to just ignore all of the people who are saying things you don't like. It seems to me, then, that you started this thread looking for everyone to say "OMG that jerk" and so forth. Instead, when people actually made reasonable suggestions, you said "I'm right, trust me." That's not very constructive.
A lot of people have offered you a lot of good advice in this thread. You should read it over and think about it. Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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quote:It seems to me, then, that you started this thread looking for everyone to say "OMG that jerk" and so forth. Instead, when people actually made reasonable suggestions, you said "I'm right, trust me." That's not very constructive.
Perhaps. But Altįriėl also has a right to trust her own judgement. And certain people are outright second-guessing the only perspective on the events we've been given, and that's anything but "constructive".
It's possible that the guy in question was socially unaware. It's also possible that he was simply absent-minded. (<humming> "Yes, it's nice to be here with my friend, even if we're just standing in line buying a few odds and ends...") Or, it's possible that the guy's a jerk. I dunno.
To be hurt at being snubbed on your birthday? That's perfectly understandable, and deserving of sympathy, whatever you might think of the events that brought about that hurt. Perhaps the anger for that hurt is excessive or misdirected, but start with compassion.
Now, among my circle of friends, it's pretty well understood that the person whose birthday we're going to celebrate simply isn't going to be allowed to pick up the check. Fortunately we aren't exactly Ruth's Chris kind of people.
As I've said, I don't know how the guy got to where he didn't pay for your ice cream, Altįriėl. It could have been mean, or it could have been absent minded. If you value this friendship, and this hurt you enough that you don't think you're going to be able to "let it slide", you need to talk to him. Try to be non-condemning when you broach it, and stay open to the possibility that it was just a mistake on his part. If he's a good guy, he'll probably at least offer an apology for how you felt about it, even if he didn't intend to make you feel that way. And that will help.
posted
I think it depends on the situation, naturally, but on her birthday? Of COURSE her friend should pay for her if he takes her out.
Of course, I might think this because my friends and I regularly pick up the check for one another if say, we wanted to see a movie, and someone didn't have the cash, or we wanted to go to dinner, or whatever. So to me, it's sort of...why WOULDN'T he pay for her? It baffles me.
posted
Because they're both in school (I'm assuming) and neither is making enough money to the point where they can take the other person out. I'm in college too, and when I go out with my friends (yes, including birthdays) we always pay for ourselves. It can especially be a hassle at sit down restaurants and we get one bill, but we deal with it.
I still haven't heard from her that he said explicitly that he would pay, and until she does I'm assuming that it is very possible she misunderstood.
Posts: 155 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
You're right, that was rather flippant of me. What I should have taken the time to say was, Altariel, I really do hope that you had a wonderful birthday overall and that the ice cream incident was a minor blip in an otherwise great day. Hey, a friend wanted to spend your birthday with you. Hope that's what you remember ten years down the road rather than who paid. Lots of folks have no one to even acknowledge their birthdays.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Unless he came right out and said, "hey let's get ice cream, it's on me" or some equivilant of precisely saying it's his treat, then the implication of him being responsible for paying for it is just your interpretation of his words.
Whenever I invite my best friend (a female) to do something with me, I assume, as does she usually, that we're each going to pay for ourselves. Sometimes I'll offer to pay, and once in a great while she will, but there's no assumption of payment, even on birthdays.
I don't think women should ever EXPECT a man to pay for them, regardless of what the societal norm is, they are setting themselves up for disappointment. Personally, I won't go on a date unless I know for a fact I can afford to pay for the meal. But if it's just friends going out, it's probably dutch, unless I have some extra cash and it's a special occasion.
Quite frankly, I think I'd be pissed if someone was pissed at me because I didn't pay for them. It'd strike me as selfish and bratty. If they thought I'd said I'd pay, well, I'd call it a misunderstanding and forget it.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
We're poor. We rarely go out to eat, and when we do it'd take a miracle to actually treat someone.
Posts: 155 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by jh: We're poor. We rarely go out to eat, and when we do it'd take a miracle to actually treat someone.
That really depends on how you define "poor."
As for women expecting people to pay: If I go out on a date with someone, I'm always prepared to pay unless he says, "I want to take you out to dinner." But at the same time, if a guy offers to take a girl out...if ANYONE offers to take someone out...(and uses those words, such as, "I want to take you out for ice cream") he/she should be prepared to pay for them both, whether or not that's actually what happens and whether or not it's considered a "date."
posted
Unless and until I hear otherwise, I'd be inclined to accept
quote:So, I tell him, why don't you take me to Longs instead and just buy me some candy and ice cream?
as a common understanding, unless he's really unaware, that he's taking his friend somewhere where he will pay for her.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Originally posted by jh: I don't see how anything depends on how I define poor. Poor is poor.
ALL college students say that they're "poor."
I say that I'm "poor."
How you define "poor" makes a huge difference. For example, someone who has $5 a day to spend on food is very different from someone who has $100 a week to spend on food, but both may claim that they are poor.
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) but I think you have overreacted from time to time, I have too, it's normal. Just so you know, when you were talking about the "intricate details" that reads as "I made out with him, and he owes me."
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