posted
PSI, I would so stay in a hotel. Maybe that's the message she is trying to send. So know we know the solution to dana's problem- Bob stays at her house but he has to do a lot of chores. Have I got that right?
And since I've got the top of the page, I have heard rumors of church members who felt that if keeping the mind pure while not sinning is good, keeping the mind pure while committing sin must be better. And I do mean sins of the nature we have been talking around. I suspect this is somewhat the mentality of Annie's roommate with the fiance, though not as extreme.
Edit: I added about five things, then saw a typo. But while I was adding stuff no one had replied...
Small town gossip is nothing to sneeze at, though. My poor friends and congregants are kept busy putting down rumors that I’m marrying a guy I met on the internet.
quote: PSI, I would so stay in a hotel. Maybe that's the message she is trying to send.
We offered, but she actually started crying. "But I want to spend time with Little Jesse! Are you trying to keep him away from me? You DO show him pictures of me when I'm talking to him on the phone, right?"
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
AJ, I appreciate that you have always tried to respect their rules. I don't think I would have been willing to be as respectful as you, especially if I were being wrongfully accused all the time! It sounds like a lot of the authority figures in your life have been a bit psycho (I'm thinking of your grandma too).
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
As I've said before I know this tinges my view of the world. How could it not?
The strange thing is that while we disagree, I understand that my parents were just doing what they believed was best, and I'm not actually angry for it.
But they view my disagreement as anger, and won't believe me when I say they are "forgiven" because there really isn't anything to forgive. They were doing the best they could. And I haven't turned out horribly either way. Yet, they make the assumption that if I "forgave" them then I would come back in line with their brand of thinking.
I guess life is long and I am relatively young and it is possible, but I don't view it as terribly probable.
posted
Kama, check out this thread. I guess he just barely got back!
AJ, interesting that they think that you believing differently than them is a result of you not forgiving them. There may not be any way to change their minds on that, especially if they keep doing things that make it hard for you to enjoy their company!
I sympathize with both you and PSI on this. I know for me that not living near my parents helps ensure that we get along as well as we do. Not as many opportunities for conflict. They are such great people, but right now I am happy to have a little bit of distance between our house and theirs. I think a lot of people feel that way about their parents.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I don't know if I talked about it at the time bev, and it was before you were here.
However would you consider it appropriate, to lecture your daughter on her lifestyle choices a day after she's gotten out of surgery and while she is doped up on vicadin, but a captive audience because you are driving her car since she can't?
She said she had to say "her peice" and then she wouldn't bring it up again. And she then got mad at me for laughing.
posted
It's situations like this that make OSC's works like Women of Genesis so powerful -- people honestly trying to do what's right, and yet hurting each other deeply. It's depressing and hope-inspiring at the same time. Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
That's pretty funny, and really sad at the same time. Does she feel that you won't listen to her any other way?
Still, I certainly don't think those are good circumstances under which to communicate. It seems... disrespectful. Like she wanted to make sure you heard her without being able to share your own thoughts. Very one-sided.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Probably she thought it was the only way to pin me down, because she thinks if I acutally listened to what she said I would agree, when it is obvious I don't. I try not to argue with her, because I don't want to damage what relationship we have left.
The laugh wasn't a happy laugh, it was a sad and trying not to be bitter while under the influence of powerful drugs laugh.
I don't think she realizes in her phone conversations how often I take her sage advice with reference to her. "If you can't say anything nice don't say it at all." I wish I had nicer things to say to her, really I do.
posted
i may need to retitle this thread. i'm very much enjoying the discussion, but it isn't at all related to the title.
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
AJ: So, was your mother hoping that your drugs would act like a sort of truth serum so that you wouldn't automatically agree with her? Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I have had the EXACT same experiences as beverly, except it was my dad who was freaked out about propriety.
I wasn't. I'm still not, actually, but I think it's because so many of my guy friends were so harmless. I couldn't imagine why anyone would think sleeping in the same hotel with a guy friend was the slightest bit of a problem - they are just a friend, and they know me! - but I suspect it is because the guys I hang out with are invariably more conservative than I am. When that isn't true, then it's a problem.
I don't know how my mother did it, but she wasn't worried about propriety so much as making sure I knew the possible consequences of my actions. I remember her saying once that she'd hate for me to have something happen that I hadn't planned on.
As for house rules... I agree with the "Their house; their rules" bit, but you have to be consistent. I hate it when the rules change to become MORE restrictive. When I hit sixteen, I didn't have a curfew and was trusted. The summer my mom died (when I was 21!), one of the first things my dad did was institute a midnight curfew for me, and if I was late, there was yelling on a Screwtape Grandma scale.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Wow, Katharina, your Mom sounds like she was pretty cool. I would like to have the wisdom to teach my children wisdom. I don't want to be all about blank, arbitrary rules. I want them to understand and make right decisions based on that understanding.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
She was. It was really cool. Now if only I could remember how she said it...*smacks forehead*
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
For about 6 months I had to get off the phone at midnight every night. I was so good about following that rule that my mom changed it to 11:30. Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm going to officially plug People of the Lie . (I linked to this through Hatrack, that's supposed to be of some benefit to the site)
It's all about how folks can seem to be doing all the "right" things but still give you the creeps. In the LDS religion we believe Satan was the one who didn't want anyone to have choices or free will, but force everyone to fulfill the law so that we wouldn't need a Savior. Or rather, that he would be our Savior, in a sense, but he wouldn't have to suffer. It is so hard as a Mom to not try to "save" your kids, keep them from ever experiencing life.
Another book I really like is Bringing up Moral Children . This author is LDS (unlike M. Scott Peck) but the style is very principle based rather than rule based.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
