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Umm Ok yeah I meant A Lot as a pun. Actually I saw it later. It was one of those unintentional ones. Is Arty ok? I'm concerned, don't want him to end up a vegetable.
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No, he is OK, not a vegetable at all. He is a pillar of the community. Ever since he was a-salted, he has worked hard to right wrongs. No one walking on the streets ever has to give a backwards glance.
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Zsolt, the Hungarian religious scholar, travelled east to study under the Buddha. The legendary holy man rejected this western interloper. But Zsolt persisted. Buddha tried simply avoiding the guy, hiding for long periods in a cave deep in a trackless mountain pass. But still Zsolt persisted. Finally, when he could take no more, the gentle soul turned to Zsolt and asked, "What do you want of Buddha, pest?"
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A friend of mine belongs to a church that takes its prayers very seriously.
Recently, the church set up a bank of volunteers to come in at scheduled times and pray for parishioners who were ill or otherwise facing troubled times. As usually happens, there was some conflict and accusations about some people not meeting their commitments. A few people were accused of skipping their scheduled times and shrugging off their obligations.
So the pastor stepped in, saying he would check over the sign-in sheets and other documentation.
The following Sunday, he shocked everyone by alluding to the controversy from the pulpit. However, his purpose soon became clear.
After having gone over all the documentation, the minister said, he could now say with complete confidence that everyone was prayed in full.
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Zaccheaus was at one time considered to be the shortest man in the Bible. However, further research turned up Ne-Hi-miah.
Even further research revealed that even he was not the shortest, when they discovered Bildad, the Shuhite.
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Would a dissertation on the influence of Calvinistic theology in the Lord of the Rings be called "Calvin and Hobbits"?
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The young nun at the convent didn't like the look of her worn-out habit. She also didn't like wasting money or material, so she was loathe to throw it out and get a new one.
Instead, she decided to restore the faded color of her gown and bought some dye. After following all the directions, she was unhappy to find that after all that trouble, the gown was only a little darker than before. She tried again. Same results. The third time an older nun found her distressing over the results. After asking what the problem was, the elderly nun nodded and said:
"Yes. I learned a long time ago. Old habits dye slowly."
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As you may know, Galileo was tried by the Inquisition for his advocacy of Copernican theories. What you may not know is how he was rendered incapable of giving a real defense.
Each piece of evidence Galileo offered was ruled as inadmissable, being in some way tied to a concept or theory previously condemned by the church.
In the end, he was convicted because the Inquisition refused to admit heresy evidence.
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I love those McDonald's sundaes, which come in three flavors. Now, in the Age of Atkins, they even come in Caramel Light.
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Ha! I knew you would come into this thread a second time, Bob. I did not want you to leave us behind.
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If Jesus were to visit modern day Paris would he take the popular Parisees tour and would that tour make him Sadducee the failing of tradition in favor of the quick buck?
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Nah, he would just Rome around some more. He figures you can't, er, bury things in the past. Things change.
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Recently, I joined a group of fellow agnostics for weekly meetings. As discussions ensued, we decided it might be interesting to get reports on how different congregations were engaging in worship.
So we broke up into teams of two people. Each week, a team visits a local congregation and reports to the group with its diagnostic evaluation.
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Everyone in town knew Abe was an atheist. Mostly they didn't bug him about it. Mostly, that is, except old Widow Jones. She felt it was her Christian duty to seek him out, and pray over him for the sake of his soul.
So poor Abe would keep a constant eye out for Widow Jones when he was in town. If he was very lucky, he'd see her first and hide in safety somewhere until she passed by.
Abe was a pretty laidback guy, but he was really fearful of being prayed upon.
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The assistant to the bishop knew his boss didn't much care for the deacon they were visiting. He was still surprised, though, when the bishop insisted on rushing home after the meeting with the distasteful person. After they got in the door of the bishop's home, he rushed upstairs and the sounds of slammed doors and running water were soon heard. The assistant was left alone with the housekeeper.
"What gives?" he asked.
"Oh," she said. "that's just him undergoing his deacontamination procedure."
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