posted
Mom is an old-school romantic. I think she probably understands that there are ways to meet people besides the old standards (work, church, introductions from friends...good; bars, tattoo parlors, arraignments...bad).
But I think she probably has the Reader's Digest version of what happens when you date people you met online as her model. I'm concerned that she might think I'm walking into a minefield or that dkw must be the front for an international identity theft ring.
So, how would you go about convinced your parents that this is actually a real thing. That meeting someone through Hatrack isn't like meeting someone through a personal ad in Bikerz Magazine?
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
I think it's exactly the same as meeting a woman through Bikerz magazine, except that she's less likely to be a booze slamming leather wearing harley slut.
And depending on your perspective, that can be a good or bad thing.
Posts: 5383 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Um, describe how you met in person, and downplay the 'internet' bit. That's the only reason my husband's friends haven't locked me uup before WenchCon every year. I was all like, "But I know Andrea and Jamie and Adrian already! and CT saved my bacon back when I had that spinal fluid leakage..."
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Hey, none of the people in my Chumash class think dkw wears black leather. So the technique clearly works. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
You've Got Mail was based on The Shop Around the Corner. IMO (and no one else's) You've Got Mail is much better.
Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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Anyway...I don't think the phone thing will work. My mother is a master of the long silence. Not even meaning to, she has felled giants simply by not saying anything.
Actually, she's a sweet person who is shy around new people, and who does get silent when she's concerned. She doesn't just say what's on her mind. And most of us (me especially) get really worried by the silences. "What is she thinking?"
I wouldn't want Dana to have to go through that. Especially since I think they are going to eventually really like each other as people. Rather start off on a good footing.
Also, I can't lie. If she asks how we met, I've got the choices of "a website" or "she picked me up at my hotel." Either of which sound a lot worse than the innocent reality.
You've got mail being a chick movie and all, I've never seen it or the other one you mentioned. Thus my ignorance.
Posts: 5383 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
How about “introduced by mutual friends online, met in Minnesota when I was there for a conference, and had dinner with her parents.” Sounds very respectable, no?
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
First tell her someone she knows is dead. Then when you tell her that you're actually just dating someone you met over the internet, she'll be relieved. Or enraged. Maybe both. Either way she'll be totally confused.
[ March 03, 2004, 10:11 PM: Message edited by: Book ]
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Dana, have you ever been on Melrose? The weather doesn't seem to stop a whole lot of folks from wearing black leather . . .
Bob, you have NEVER mentioned Hatrack to your mom? Wow! My parents know all about this place -- in fact, I told my mom about you two today. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I took it very very slowly, very very carefully.
Despite the fact that he flew up from his base in Texas, cutting his vacation time with his family (whom he hadn't seen in almost a year) short to come see me, she still doesn't realize I think that we're both actually quite serious about the whole thing.
Actually, come to think of it, I have Hatrack to thank partly for her coming to terms with it at all. Seeing my name in Shadow Puppets, and connecting that to a credible online forum, and the fact that none of you have tried to hunt me down and murder me in my sleep I think really helped. So thank you all for not trying to kill me.
posted
Emphasize that you're the sexual predator/identity thief/ anti-social introvert in the Internet relationship. Dana's your victim, not the other way around.
At least your mother won't worry about your safety...
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Just don't tell her you met over the internet. I don't know where you met, but say it was Des Moines, which seems most likely. "Mom, I met this great woman when I was in Des Moines for work, and we've started dating."
Yea, I told my mom all about Dana and Bob and described the whole thread to her last night when I found out. Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
Ok. Wow. This is the creepest thing to happen to me in a while. I just got back from my mom's house. Can you imagine what I just told her?
Yep.
That I have met someone online (Xavier, for those of you who are a little slow) and that he is coming to Omaha in April and that she needs to make us dinner that weekend.
Her response: *blink blink* "Huh?"
I start to laugh and tried to explain everything in a calm manner (so very hard to do when you are this excited!)
We talked for about a half an hour while I attempted to describe him to her.
MOM: "What does he do for a living?" ME: "He's a computer programmer." MOM: *stare*
(My ex-fiance was a computer guy and she hated him with a passion)
ME: "Mom. Mom. Trust me. He is NOTHING like Jon." MOM: *breath of relief* "Ok. Good. I'll make pot roast." ME: "Well, no, that won't work, he doesn't eat beef." MOM: *approving nod*
This put Phil on my mom's "A" List already, she doesn't care for beef either.
quote: the fact that none of you have tried to hunt me down and murder me in my sleep I think really helped. So thank you all for not trying to kill me.
But Equa, how do you know we haven't *tried and failed* to kill you?
(hatrack really needs a ninja graemlin)
Bob, most of these people (who have not said the words 'hot', 'biker', and 'chick') have good advice. Best of luck! I also have a shy mom. It's tough sometimes.
Posts: 1545 | Registered: May 2002
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posted
Bob, Since you have a short time you can't break mom into this slowly. Basically, what I would do is if she is concerned about online meetings and stuff, tell her its really no different than Pen Pals or dating services in a lot of ways. Also point out that the Net is FULL of good people. More good than bad, just like Real life. Susie (my GF) had the advantage of breaking in her 84 year old mom slowly. But she seems to be quite accepting of me. In some ways, neeting online has advantages that you don't have in RL. You don't form opinions based on looks or 'flaws'. You get to know the REAL person behind the name. And, if you wish, show her Our web page so she can see what can come of online relationships. Note: this is Tripod and currently free so the bandwidth is limited. If we have a lot of hits we go down for about 2 hours. So, if its down due to hitting our bandwidth limit, check back in about 2 hours. Essentially, online isn't any more dangerous than real life if you are smart and careful. The media sensationalizes the bad and thats mostly what people see. I mean, how often do they run 'Good' stories? Emphasize the good that the Net does. Shoot, introduce her to us Hatrackers Or would that put a scare in her
posted
I guess I wrote that poorly. I'm not dating anyone on Hatrack. At least, I'm pretty sure he's not here. We met through Pweb. But the whole "I gave my name to an online forum and it turned out to be a credible place, see they're not ALL crazy psychopaths trying to kill me" thing I think helped my case.
*eyes jexx suspiciously* *goes to lock doors*
Posts: 2849 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
say you started talking at the net, then yall met up IRL and liked each other?
I took months getting my parents used to the idea that I had internet friends. I just talked about my friends until they finally accepted that MAYBE I wasn't going to be stalked by Human, Paul and Anne Kate, although they still don't like the idea of me meeting up with any of them
Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
Why don't you both happen to travel to Santa Barbara on the same weekend, Bob to see his mom and Dana to see her pastor friend, and randomly run into one another somewhere? (And tell me where and when it will be, of course.)
Posts: 6213 | Registered: May 2001
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posted
Show them the pictures of Wenchcon and well when they see Nathan doing his interpretive dance in orange tights they will know that we are fine respectable people and you have nothing to fear from us.
Posts: 5509 | Registered: May 1999
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quote: You've Got Mail was based on The Shop Around the Corner. IMO (and no one else's) You've Got Mail is much better.
What do you mean, no one else's? I saw Shop Around the Corner the other day and not only was the girl vomit-inducing, but even poor old Jimmy Stewart couldn't keep it from being a poorly acted melodrama barely making it as a "comedy."
Incidentally, one could argue that You've Got Mail was based off of In the Good Old Summertime, which was based off of The Shop Around the Corner...it's a much smoother transition between remakes if you think of it like that. In the Good Old Summertime was good old-fashioned mushy gushy sweet stuff
edit: oh, and Bob, don't sweat it. My dad's about as conservative as they come and he didn't seem to have a problem with it -- after he met Greg. There's no way she's going to disapprove after meeting Dana. come on!
posted
Bob, I was absolutely terrified to tell my parents about Jon Boy. I didn't tell them I'd gone to the Hatrack gathering, I didn't tell them about our first two dates, and then the day after our second date, she asks me what I did that weekend. And I'm thinking, "I spent all day Saturday with the most amazing guy I think I've ever met, who I'd love her to meet or at least know about, but if I tell her that, she'll ask how we met . . ."
Next question: "Did you go on a date?" Dang. Totally trapped.
So I told her. About how I really liked Jon Boy and then, of course, she did ask how we'd met, and she took me completely by surprise.
She basically said, "So if you'd never gotten out of your bubble and gone to this meeting thing, you'd never have met him. I'm so proud of you for not being shy."
That's it!
I tell you this because my parents are generally very cautious, traditional-type people. I knew they would disapprove of my meeting people over the Internet, let alone dating one of them. Bob, your mom just might surprise you. She might react just how you think she will, or she might not.
And playing up how wonderful Jon Boy is before dropping the bomb worked wonders for me. Talk about dkw's strengths and all the things you admire about her. Really, you could not be dating someone more moral, lovely, or mother-approval-worthy than dkw.
posted
I have to second Moose's idea of travelling to Santa Barbara to break the news. If they think Dana's strange for originating from the Internet, the rest of us should be there to help Dana seem like a Sunday School teacher.
Which, I guess, she is.
Just show up in CA.
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I think a Santa Barbara trip is a bit premature at this point, but that's a great idea if this whole thing doesn't just end after the first date. (Which it won't...) Also, there's this place in CA called Dana Point. I have this idea for a punny photo...
I actually like the emphasis thing. In consultation with dkw, and reading through the ideas here, the current thought is this:
"Mom, I met someone I really like. We've been part of a large circle of friends for a little over two years, and met in Minneapolis when I was there on business. So now we're dating..."
Is this kind of what people had in mind?
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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What would you think if I hypothetically had a hypothetical boyfriend in Indiana that I met on a nerdy sci fi forum on the internet? Would it help if he was really smart and looked like Ron Weasley? I mean, hypothetically? And what if I were hypothetically going to see him in Portland at a book signing?
posted
My Mom is great. Plus she has impeccable taste. And she highly approves of Hobbes. Everyone needs an AnnieMum!
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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