In short, we only have one computer (no laptop) and it is in the basement. In the evenings, I like to go down there to write. My husband, rather than sit upstairs alone, comes down to work on his med school homework. Trouble is, the way the room is situated (and its a small basement, so we simply cannot rearrange) the couch faces the computer screen, and my husband can at any time, glance up and read the screen as I write.
This makes me really squeamish. I can't stand writing, knowing that he could read over my shoulder. He promises that he doesn't and whatnot, and is annoyed because he believes I just am making up an excuse to not be around him.
I explained that, while I want him to read my work, there is something very exposing and awkward about him having the ability to read while I am in the process. He thinks I am being silly, but I assured him that probably many writers would agree with me. Thus, I am here at Hatrack to gather proof. Or, be proven wrong once and for all.

It's also very bad feng shui to attempt any activity with an unnecessary person behind you. Particularly someone that you can't readily ignore totally. Your husband is actually arguing out of both sides of his mouth on this one, without realizing it. He's there because he wants you to be paying attention to him, if you were capable of completely ignoring him and writing as though he wasn't there, he'd be very hurt and offended (which would be extremely bad, because he'd have no "legitimate" reason for this feeling and thus wouldn't be able to discuss it with you).

At home I can write just fine with my wife in the room, as long as her back is towards me.

But you can't kick your husband out of the room, either. Men are more needy than most would ever admit (I miss my wife terribly when she's at work and I'm not). So, you need to find a way to have him in the room but not looking at the screen. Even if his back is turned to you. There has to be a way to slightly rearrange or move the computer to another room.

My wife knows not to read my stuff until I let her. I'm self-conscious about it.

Okay, enough with the fantasy.

The story that I'm working on is one my wife read 20 years ago. Even so, I am not comfortable with her reading it until I am done writing it. However, I am comfortable if my daughter is looking over my shoulder. It has something to do with the relationship of my wife and I that makes it uncomfortable to the point that I could not be writing if she was looking over my shoulder.

The thought of someone reading anything I've written without its being PERFECT TO THE LAST (capitalized/italicized to emphasize just how freakin' perfect it has to be) makes me all kinds of nervous, which is why I either don't have stories on the family computer (for some casual explorer to find), or I put passwords on them.

I recently took my laptop to a Starbuck's and put it on a table that faced the wall. Behind me, about 10 feet away, two women sat talking in club chairs. It was a creepy feeling, knowing they could look and see what I was doing; like I was on stage and being judged. It was hard to focus and get into my character. After an hour or so I left knowing I had not done my best. The experience was not fulfilling. If I had to write under those conditions every day I would not be a writer at all. I don't know how you get any writing done.

This brings to mind my college days when I thought I wanted to be a journalist. All the computers were in one big room; a press room of sorts, where everyone could work on their stories for the different sections of the college newspaper. I preferred to write mine at home with no one around rather than have people stop by and look at what I was doing. It was just too hard to think with people coming and going with their various projects and talking, etc.

The very worst though, was when I had to fill in on many occasions for the person who had neglected to write the editorial. I had to sit in the editor's office and literally bang out an editorial in an intelligent manner in 45-60 minutes in time to send to the printer with the rest of the paper. Every 5 minutes the editor would be asking if I was done yet, or how many inches I had; did I sum up yet? And people coming and going. Aargh! It actually was good practice to finish pieces under pressure and was probably why I was able to work at Starbuck's like I did several years later. But at the same time, that experience with people around looking over my shoulder and withstanding the pressure was the reason I opted not to be a journalist. I wanted peace and my own pace in which to write.

As for fiction, none of my writer friends write with people in the room, especially behind them. In the best of relationships, it's an unsettling feeling having those pair of eyes behind you capable of looking right through your head and into your psyche. At the worst, it's creepy, like a Steven King novel brewing at your backside.

On a more scientific level, I think it's difficult to break the connection with the live person in the room in order to connect personally with your story and the characters in it. Your story is a whole other world and a writer who does a good job must mentally disconnect completely in order to hear and interpret what their characters are doing and saying. A writer has to be there and how can we do that with a live reminder of the present hovering at our backs?

When I had to write with people in the room, I found it helpful to put on a pair of noise reduction headphones and play instrumental music I liked.

When my hubby comes into my office and putters around (he has a desk in here too that he rarely uses - he uses his laptop in the living room via the wireless network), I have to stop working and see what he's doing. It creeps me out to have someone behind me.

I have to have easy-listening music playing softly to be able to write well. When I'm sculpting, I listen to Enya, Josh Groban, Il Divo, some classical stuff, some John Denver, Air Supply, America, Basia, etc., The same music soothes my creative muse when I'm writing.

When we're traveling by vehicle, I can write all day and into the night while my hubby drives. Both of us are happy this way, since he's a quiet man and doesn't miss the conversation. The only other way I can work with him around is if I'm on my laptop at the kitchen counter or on the couch, and he's on his laptop as well, fully involved in what he's doing. But I nearly always use such time to edit and revise, not do original writing.

Set something up so he's not BEHIND you. I think even if you had that filter screen on your monitor, it would still bother you that he's behind you, even if, like my hubby, he has no interest in what you're writing. You don't need that kind of distraction.

But I ran across the quote by Virginia Woolf about "a room of one's own" and all I could think about that was "way to restrict fiction writing to the effete upper class." I guess Nanowrimo trained me to write no matter what is going on about me. Of course, I'm not published or anything, so what do I know.

Incidentally one evening I invited a few friends back to my place after a night of boozing and had stupidly left a print of a first draft lying around, one of them proceeded to read the first paragraph out loud in a mocking voice before I managed to wrestle it away from him.

I'm still having nightmares

I can't see writing as analogous to sports---the circumstances of sports just about require an audience, but writing, when you get down to it, doesn't. (It may get one later, but writing-as-writing doesn't need it.) The training that makes an athlete is similar, though.