Any help is welcome, but I'd especially like if you offered to look at the entire story, which is around 1.5k words.

quote:

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Walking home from a day's hunt in the Endless Forest, Sam couldn't stop humming the tune that the jester had been singing. It was a strange song—something about how the only way to solve a dispute was to be more caring and more loving. Not that Sam had anything against empathy, but empathy didn't get the fields plowed, didn't herd the cattle, or do much of anything at all.

When Sam reached his small house, he was shocked almost out of his wits. Someone had broken down the door. Pulling out a long knife, he hurried in. The first thing he saw was a cluster of gigantic mushrooms. What the…?

One of them turned and looked at Sam with beady green eyes. In fact, it had arms, legs, and a head—it was alive! And it spoke: "Get out, fat human."

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[This message has been edited by Phanto (edited July 07, 2004).]

I think it would've worked better like this:

"As he approached his house, he noticed something wrong with his house. To his astonishment, somebody had broken down the door to his house.
He rushed to see what was wrong and along the way he grabbed a large, rotting tree branch to deal with the intruders.
After crossing the threshold to his house, he say a cluster of gigantic mushrooms."

Or something like that you know.

Just my thought. ( Oh yeah, you can ust that if you want. )

quote:

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He gasped. Someone had broken down the door to his house. Grabbing a large, rotting tree branch lying on the ground, he hurried in. The first thing he saw was a cluster of gigantic mushrooms. What the……?

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First paragraph is pretty good. Third is okay, too. The above transitions rather quickly, but 1.5k is awful short. You can only put so much in that small of a space. You might try messing with the first two sentences. You could add “As he entered his yard,” to the first one. The second one could become “Someone had broken down his door.” I think the word and line count would be about the same.

I don’t know about the rotting tree branch. Might change it to a more sturdy weapon. Maybe a block of firewood or something. The mushrooms sound cool.