My dreams that night were vibrant.
The shadows from the trees above danced with a life not their own. The dirty cotton tunic scratched against my back as I hurried over the ancient gnarled roots, the snap of a branch made me gasp and I lurched forward into a run. The shadows took me and I was suddenly in the garden of my fathers home. I watched in mute terror, knowing what was to come. The silver arches of Rilcor's blade thrusts and slashes sparkled blindingly in my dream-eyes. The beast came from the woods as it had before.
It was larger than life; a beast, truly, of my nightmares. I turned to look over my shoulder, I saw my father run from the house even as the demon tossed Rilcor across the lawn, to land in a crumpled heap.

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I love a little feedback on the hook element of this, but more than that I'd like some folks to take a look a the whole.
In regards to the hook element, I realize that much of the more enlightening information is absent, but it is my hope that there is enough draw in these 13 lines for the reader to continue reading the ~next~ 13 where they may (hopefully) feel there are truly hooked into the rest of the story.

quote:

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I watched in mute terror, knowing what was to come.

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This gives me that feeling, but if it is a recurring dream, I think that needs to be made clear.

quote:

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The silver arches of Rilcor's blade thrusts and slashes sparkled blindingly in my dream-eyes.

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This sentence seems to be off grammatically. Depending on what your going for, I think it needs to be "arch" or "thrusted and slashed" or "sparkles blindingly" or something, but not knowing exactly what your trying to say, I'm not sure which one. Probably a typo sort of thing.

You can send me a chapter or so if you desire.

That said, My take:

quote:

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My dreams that night[What night?] were vibrant<--Can't picture this.].
The shadows from the trees above danced with a life not their own.<--[So, the shadows are alive? How would he know this if he was dreaming? Is it in the dream?] The dirty cotton tunic scratched [against<--[Cut this, if he's/she's wearing it--and I've never had cotton scratch me; wool I have.] my back as I hurried over the ancient gnarled roots, the snap of a branch made me gasp and I lurched forward into a run[Why? Because a branch snapped?] . The shadows took me and I was suddenly in the garden of my father[']s home<--[Any reason you didn't just say "in my father's garden"?]. I watched in mute terror, knowing what was to come.<--[Eh? Is his father's garden frightening? Alive?] The silver arches of Rilcor's[Who?] blade thrusts and slashes [At what?] [sparkled blindingly<--[Sparkles aren't blinding. Two totally different connotations.] in my dream-eyes<--[Are these different from his real eyes?]. The beast[What beast?] came from the woods[,] as it had before[When? Maybe you should let us see it the first time, instead of in this disjointed manor.].
It was [larger than life<--Cliche.][; a beast,<--Redundant.][ truly,<--I suuggest that you cut everything after "It was" until this]-->of my nightmares. I [turned to<--[He'd have to, so you don't need to tell us, IMHO cut it.] look[ed] over my shoulder, I saw my father run from the house[,] even as the demon[What demon?] tossed Rilcor across the lawn [I thought this was in the garden.], to land in a crumpled heap.

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If this is a memory in a dream, I feel you are starting too late. Show us as it happens, let us feel you PoV's emotions. Fill us in on who the cast is and what they are there for (obviously not all in the first thirteen). Your character, his feelings and the element of danger would be enough to carry me through--once you trimmed out the redundancies and statements of the obvious.

I hope this helps.

EDIT: Alright. Some revision.
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I told myself it was a memory, a dream. I told myself to wake up.

The shadows from the trees above danced with a false life. The dirty tunic scratched against my back as my short legs struggled over the ancient gnarled roots, the snap of a branch from my pursuer's passage made me gasp and I lurched forward into a run. The forest spun and shadows took me. I was suddenly standing in my father's garden watching with boyish amazement as Rilcor's shining sword arced through the air as he ran his practice drills. I waited in mute terror, knowing what was to come. The beast came from the woods as it had before.

It was a demon, a terrible sight, larger now than it had eight years before. I looked over my shoulder, I saw my father run from the house, great bow in hand, even as the demon tossed Rilcor across the yard to land in a crumpled heap.

~~~~

BEFORE READING FUTHER: Is it clear, now, that this dream is a memory? That this is not the whole scene, only what he remembers? And, that these fragments are important memories?

That is what I want to know because this is supposed to be a dream/memory of 8 years before. I want to give his history, and a little character basis, without mind-numbing narrative, which is how my first draft ended up. So I chose a dream sequence that would shift from scene to scene, showing the important parts and skipping the mundane. Naturally, these are important pieces of his memory so certain parts are dream-enhanced. The shadows are not ~actually~ alive, and weren't but the memory of fear brings them out. Likewise with the original working of Rilcor's "blinding sparkles".
However, I am gathering from your two comments that I was unclear. And if that is still true I may need to look into yet another change in opening scene.

quote:

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...as Rilcor's shining sword ...

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All in all, not bad. I'd be happy to take a look at the first chapter.