posted
Not original but I was inspired by a book with that title.
This is the opening for the book I asked for help with on another forum here. I think the third sentence needs help as does the fifth one. I should say at least those two need help.
"I can see things that most people canÕt. I can see through glimmers and beings who can vanish. ItÕs talent IÕve had all my life. My fiancˇ thinks I should use it to investigate supernatural crimes. I have an underlining bulldog tenacity that would serve me well as an investigator. As I squat down next to the dead girlÕs body, I feel I will need all the tenicty I have to catch her killer.
Even though IÕm even tempered, I can get stubborn and dangerous when I need to. As I begin to study her body, I figured thereÕs a need. She was killed and dumped here in this alley.
It takes a moment to perpare myself to look more closely at her wound. My sister and my best friend believe I have this ability because I was born in the middle of a terrific storm."
posted
Start with this: As I squat down next to the dead girl’s body, I know I’ll need tenacity and talent to catch her killer. I take a moment to prepare myself before I look closely at her wound.
Then, Instead of explaining your character with description, take the reader inside the scene of the crime immediately and show the reader through the character’s actions that he’s tenacious and possesses unusual talents.
I like the present tense. It gives the story momentum. Have your guy do something stubborn and threaten someone in a dangerous way. Don’t tell the reader that he is stubborn and dangerous.
You have a great idea for a character in a popular genre, but you need to show, not tell. Pretend you’re watching him in a movie. Where is he? What does he see? What does he say? What does he do? Who else is there? Think in scenes.
Actually, I debated where to put that line. Originally I had at the end of the 13 lines. I'm still not quite comfortable with the way I wrote it out. But I remembered how some Urban fantasy writers write. I have to find his first book to double check but I believe Jim Butcher describes his character before he gets into the problem, as well as one of two other writers.
Of course that could be just another example of better writers using a technique I'm not capable of .
His stubbornness comes in later as he tries to solve the crime. In the first chapter he's busy being easy going even as someone tries to kill him. It's not face to face and he doesn't know who tries.
Printer-friendly view of this topic
