posted
This is a copy of the query letter I was thinking of sending out for my next round of submissions, with a particular view to soliciting US agents.
Feedback, comments, criticisms would be very welcome:
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[agent's name],
I would like to offer for your consideration the full manuscript of my mediaeval/ fantasy novel.
It has the working title of "Enter the City" and is intended to be the first in an epic series named "Chronicles of Empire".
This is primarily a character-driven work focusing upon realism. All aspects of the Mediaeval Period of Northern Europe have been thoroughly researched to provide a complexly constructed and believable world.
This is not a mainstream fantasy/sci-fi piece - it strives to be an unique and original literary epic. I am soliciting for an agent who has a sense of vision, and is not afraid to challenge stagnating markets to create new ones.
Feel free to request more information by replying to this e-mail.
posted
I warn you now that I'm not the voice of the expert. But I will share my impressions with you. First, you mispelt medieval. Twice. Secondly, the last paragraph seems like a job offer. As if you'll take the agent if you decide if he or she is suitable or not. This may be true, but the agent is taking on your manuscript at risk of his/her job. On that note, I'm not sure, but I personally would be wary of taking on a manuscript that's first in an 'epic' series. After all, if it turns out to be unpopular with the public, my job's at risk selling the rest of the series. Just the thoughts of a novice. JK
Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Darn, you Americans just don't know how to spell! LOL! But it is an important point - when trying to cross the pond I should keep an eye on variant spellings.
I've decided to go for it and just push Chronicles as an unique epic series. It's simply aiming highest.
And if I fall I crash down in flames in style.
If I can't sell the work on it's own Unique Selling Points then I'll just have to tone down, and engage in another round of approaches a few months later.
posted
I'm English. We alone appear to know how to spell our own language. No problem, Chronicles, hope you succeed. Revolutionise publishing for us all, my brother! Ahem... JK
Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Falken224
unregistered
posted
Well, y'all may know how to spell English!
But we here 'mericans don't speak English. Therefore we don't spell English. We speak & spell American!
Give it another decade or so . . . they'll be completely different languages. Look where we are already!
I mean, Americans can't fit their luggage in a boot. (and how could you POSSIBLY walk if you could?)
In America, a jumper is someone you scrape off the sidewalk. (if it's in the winter, he MIGHT have been wearing a "sweater")
And we only go throwing random 'A's in the first volume of our encyclopedias.
As proud as y'all are of your language, well, I haven't ever heard of an English second-person plural pronoun.
IMHO, however, the greatest service we Americans have done for our language was to popularize the letter 'z'.
-Nate
[This message has been edited by Falken224 (edited June 20, 2002).]
I've reviewed the first portion of your chapter, and while I know you're not submitting a novel right now, thought I'd give you my impression of your query letter. I am woefully not the best person to ask, so please take with a big grain of salt. I myself have not finished a novel so have never written a query letter, though have received plenty of rejections off of short stories! LOL.
Anyway, couple of quick points before I offer substantive feedback. * mediaeval/ fantasy novel - Very aware that's the British spelling, which is NOT an issue for me-- I love you Yanks if for no other reason than the invention of scones. But this might be detracting if sent to an American agent for American publication. They may fear that the rest of the novel will heavily rely on British spellings (which may or may not throw off an American audience).
* This is not a mainstream fantasy/sci-fi piece - This WILL throw off both agents and editors. Mainstream equals dollars, and no one wants to sign a first time novelist who doesn't scream "I will make you money." In all honesty, they really don't care about your work or your vision, only about what $$ you'll make for them. So while you absolutely want to be unique and distinctive-- how else will you get off the slush pile-- you really do want to be mainstream your first time out of the gate. Literary epics are mainstream... They're just not fluff.
* stagnating markets to create new ones - As a new author, no one is going to create a new market for you. You've got to fit in to what's hot now, or what's becomming hot. Fortunately, I truly believe that the market is ripe for epic fantasies, and the proof is in the pudding-- Look at the resurgence of Tolkien, Sean Russell, George RR Martin, Robert Jordan, etc.
* Feel free to request more information by replying to this e-mail. - Regrettably, not everyone is as tech savvy as we are, so while including an email address is good, I wouldn't say that it's the best way to reach you.
* I think it is absolutely AWESOME that you have a website to promote your book and think that that is a fabulous marketing tool. I wouldn't rely on it to get your book noticed by an agent or editor, but I do think it's a definite plus... You might even think of posting a map for your world. Just a thought. Anyway, nice touch.
Now for more substantive feedback that's not critical. Your goal in a query, I would think, is to excite the agent/editor. You want something that has umpf! enough to make them want more... I also think that your query is supposed to include a synopsis and like 3 chapters, but you'd have to research that. Anyway, if you've included that additional stuff, your query letter has to make them want to read what you've sent. "It has the working title of 'Enter the City' and is intended to be the first in an epic series named 'Chronicles of Empire.' This is primarily a character-driven work focusing upon realism." This tells me about your story, but isn't very engaging. Similarly, the title... This is very shallow, and I apologize, but that title isn't catching. Unless it had an awesome cover, I wouldn't pick it up off the shelf. Just a thought (although the series title is fine). I'm also not sure if admitting that this is the first in a series will be off-putting or not; again, because you're new.
"All aspects of the Mediaeval Period of Northern Europe have been thoroughly researched..." I think this is good information, and I'd include it. But probably not right here. I'd open with a punchier beginning that's perhaps more "show" about the novel than "tell," and put this info in the "technical details" paragraph about the novel.
My suggestion for an alternate format:
<Salutation>
Enclosed is the synopsis and first three chapters of my novel, Destiny's Sword. <Then write a very succinct, grabby intro to your book, like what you would find on the jacket copy. Build excitement for this world.>
Destiny's Sword is a 140,000 word epic fantasy, reminiscent of such literary epics as ___(fill in the blanks)___. This character-driven work is firmly ground in the gritty, often exciting realism of the medieval period of northern Europe, circa __(fill in)__. I have meticulously researched the era, relying heavily on ___(fill in the blank of one or two relevant texts)___ for my facts concerning herbology, weapons, and politics <or whatever>.
I very much appreciate your time in considering this work, and would be more than happy to send you the complete manuscript upon request. For more information about the novel and its world, please visit my website at http://www.chroniclesofempire.com/. It's exciting to note that since its launch, I've received more than __(fill in)___ hits-- proving a definite market interest in Destiny's Sword.
I look forward to hearing from you.
<Closing>
Anyway, that's my quarter's worth of opinion. I am way sorry for the length of the post...
[This message has been edited by SiliGurl (edited June 21, 2002).]
posted
I'm afraid I have nothing new to add here, Chronicles (though I have seen your website, which is amazingly proffessional-looking; nice one). I just have things to say to Falken. Mate, if you've not hear an English second-person plural pronoun, you must be having a lot of difficulties. Exactly how are you coping? And putting a 'z' into a word where there should be an 's' isn't good. It's called 'mispelling'. Nor do we throw random 'a's around. They are part and parcel of the word, largely because they're derived from Latin and Greek heritage. So there! JK
Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
All I can say (and it might be an American thing) is this sentence doesn't flow right to my ears.... All aspects of the Mediaeval Period of Northern Europe have been thoroughly researched to provide a complexly constructed and believable world.
Perhaps, All aspects of the Mediaevel Period of Northern Europe have been thoroughly researched to provide a complex construction of a believable world.
(In my own ears complexly doesn't sound right.)
Of course, if you take this with a grain of salt, just remember to throw it over your shoulder.
posted
I realize that I am late out of the gate on this one, but the main problem I see with the query is you don’t tell the agent why your story is unique. You say it is researched ect, but you give nothing about the book itself. Also, you do not need to say working title---sorry all titles made up by the author are working titles. I use an alternate query similar to a pitch letter. I can e-mail you that if you’d like, but here are some basic query letter do’s and don’ts.
query letter do's and don'ts and facts—
All query letters need a hook–something to make the reader move on. Example: John grew up in a small town, it wasn't until he was a teenager that he discover he was actually a girl. As an editor, I will read on.
A short paragraph about your novel, compare it to other works—not “it is just like”, but look up something the agent represents and say I noted that you---then say my book would appeal to the same audience.
Why you are contacting this person. Did someone recommend them? Have you met them?
Your publications and credentials if you have any. Don't pad here folks they will check.
Word count, title, genre and intended audience. Youth, adult, over fifty.
Always include a SASE–self-addressed stamped envelope.
Do include if it is a simultaneous submission.
Don't let on if it is your first attempt at publication or if you have never been published.
Don't oversell yourself. If it's not relevant to the novel, skip it.
If it's unfinished let them know, also let them know that it is finished.
Don't scatter copyright symbols all over the place. It's insulting to their professionalism.
Don't staple together your package, a paper clip is ok.
Basic formatting:
Standard font–Times New Roman is good, though I have found many asking for Courier New.
At least one inch margins on all sides. Address it to a specific person.
One page only or two if you include the author bio as part of the letter.
Single space in the text, double between paragraphs.
Catalog all enclosures.
Use letterhead or put all information on the front page in the upper right-hand corner. Name, address, telephone, fax (if you have one, cell also) and include an e-mail.
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