posted
This is a snippet of something I have been struggling with for quite some time. I think it has merit, but I am missing how to string the various parts of it together in a way that makes sense.
I'm including just the opening - if interested or have any feedback - please let me know. I'd love to hear from you. I'd like to get this wrapped up and free myself to move on.
Thanks! Hope
_____________________________________________Perchance, To Pray
Spring 1999 Spiritual searches be damned. For once in my life, I just want to fit in. If a convent could guarantee community, I would ram the door down. Special communities promise nothing, however. If I have learned anything after a mere three decades, let it be this: community is a dream and a lie and a hoax fostered upon others. I have belonged to many communities, given up much for many communities, been forced to give up . . . the human condition is one of aloneness. Matsuo Basho knew whereof he spoke; even Thomas Merton left the sanctuary to renew his pact with solitude. To survive requires an inner strength that is at once elastic and brittle, contradictory though that may sound.
I am alone in my aloneness a single tear hidden in spring rain.
Note from Kathleen:
Please do not post more than the first 13 lines of a story on the Hatrack Writers Forum. We ask this in order to help you reserve your electronic publication rights.
[Note: This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury]
posted
I'm hooked. I'll read any of this you send me. Though I may not be much help with critique... I don't think it should be changed, not one iota. It's absolutely beautiful.
Well, this kind of poetic prose seems so easy to screw up that I wouldn't have thought anything would be presented here among the ranks of we non-yet-professionally-published-writers-of-fiction. Certainly I wouldn't have been brave enough to try it yet--but so far, your piece works really well for me. I'd love to read more, and respond to it as a piece. I have to say that with a lesser subject or a less forthcoming narrator the language would be too much for me, but for this particular story it seems to fit very well.
My son was in intensive care for ten days when he was born; I certainly will be sure to complain loudly if anything starts ringing false in my ear. But then, was one of your children, too? You've already managed to get to that point of having me wonder whether you have personal experience of the story or are just writing really well.
posted
I just recieved an email with an attatchment and no subject from someone whose name I don't recognize. Could you please tell me the name it was sent under, if it is yours, or when you send it, make sure that the subject line is something that will clearly let me know it's you? I'm sorry, but I'm paranoid of viruses.
posted
I agree with almost every line of this! Although I don't know the people you used as examples (sorry about that history teachers), I agree with your thesis. I think Thoreau had the right idea.
The only critique I could make is your use of the word ram. I'm sure your essay, being of such high caliber, would be much better suited with a less adolescent word in it's place.
I would enjoy reading whatever you have put to paper.
Printer-friendly view of this topic
