The beach was empty save for a single figure standing still with his head tilted back at a slight angle, as if drinking in the cool autumn breeze. Gentle waves broke onto the shore, pushing almost to his feet, then sliding back into the gray sea. He stood with his hands thrust into his faded jeans, shoulders hunched against the biting wind. His sandy brown hair swept back from a clear brow.

A particularly strong wave reached out of the sea to kiss the toe of his worn sneakers and again slid back into the waiting ocean. He glanced down and inspected his shoe as if he didn't understand how it had become wet, and took a tentative step back.

Bobby Sanderson stood on the shore of Yurrel Beach in a small town that most people would never hear of, nor care to know about. The sky above him was concrete gray, and solid, an impenetrable ceiling. The wind broke off the water in gusts and sent spirals of sand dancing up the shore towards Deer Island Light, which stood guarding the harbor. Bobby sniffed the air and caught a sent of fall, the smell of the crisp chill in the air, and pulled his faded jacked a little closer around his slender shoulders.

Note from Kathleen:
I cut it down to just over 13 lines (to complete a sentence) which is our limit for postings of your work.

[This message has been edited by Gizzmo0411 (edited February 25, 2004).]

[This message has been edited by Gizzmo0411 (edited February 25, 2004).]

I think if you structured it so your environmental descriptions were separate from your character descriptions, this would be a lot tighter. After that is established, then character/environmental interaction can be addressed without a disjointed read.

What about this (the first paragraph is environmental, the second begins to address Bobby):

"The beach was empty save for a single figure standing still, head tilted back at a slight angle. The sky above him was concrete gray and solid; an impenetrable ceiling. Gentle waves broke on the sand, pushed almost to his feet, then finally slid back into the sea.

Bobby stood with his hands thrust into his faded jeans, shoulders hunched against the biting wind. (I think the idea of the wind biting conflicts with your statement about him enjoying the day. Biting is unpleasant and I find the image of this skinny guy standing with tilted-back head and hunched shoulders to be fairly incongrous, even painful, and unrelated to anything resembling a good time.)

I hope this helps some.

-F

Either they must assume that Bobby is the previously described figure on the beach...or they must assume that this is another character.

Your descriptive language is nice, flavorful...and completely devoid of anything like a coherent POV or well defined narrator. I'm a POV freak because I think any writer that hasn't mastered POV writing (which is easier and more common today) shouldn't be trying for narrative writing (which is more difficult and mostly found in much older works, ones that everyone 'should' read but few actually do).