posted
I'm writing furiously to finish this SF short by tomorrow. I do not want readers at this point. What I want is to know what promises I'm making, and impressions of mileau and character.
(And in answer to the questions I know you have. Boot Camp is great, and my brain is very full.)
Thanks! Mary
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Salt of the Earth
Melia adjusted Dora's salt-suit, even though it was futile, because the two-year old would have the sweatband off her head the instant Melia's back was turned. She caught her daughter's hand reaching for the soft, green mesh. "No. You have to leave that on."
Dora's face crumpled into a frown. "No."
Out of the corner of her eye, Melia watched Elias to make sure he didn't start doing the same thing. Even though he was six, he sometimes took his cues from his little sister. His light mesh suit still covered him from chin to toe, ready to retain any salt if he sweated in the warm Gaien sun. His sweatband was askew over his eyes, but he seemed oblivious as he rocked in place, staring at the wall.
Dora twisted away from Melia and pulled the sweatband off. "No." She threw it on the ground and reached for the high turtleneck that caught the sweat from her face.
[Edited to change the name from Medea to Melia. Thanks for tuning into that. I knew the myth, but didn't realize it was such a heavily weighted name in folks minds.]
[This message has been edited by MaryRobinette (edited June 22, 2005).]
posted
Impressions. It seems like Medea is waiting for something or someone, like a husband or partner. Something profoundly domestic is occurring. But it strikes me as taking place on a world devoid of resources, particularly salt, which probably means devoid of water too.
How can the two mix? Perhaps this is the family of someone who is on this planet as part of their job, a specialist of some kind.
Because you start with the family and the salt, at this point I would expect that these two things will be significant in the wider story.
2ยข
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited June 22, 2005).]
They're on another planet, and though it does have some hazards, it's not an overtly hostile place, and they seem to be living there more or less normally, with some accommodations that they pretty much take for granted.
I'm expecting the children to be in jeopardy from the salt issue.
Because of her name, and because you are telegraphing kids-in-jeopardy, I'm expecting this to be a retelling, but whether Medea's the one who puts them in jeopardy, or the one who rescues them, depends on just how much you're reinterpreting the original. (uh, if you are in fact reinterpreting it. If not, maybe that is not the best choice of name for the woman.)
I am assuming that Medea is their mother, not a caretaker, although you didn't specify. She seems to be very patient and concerned (so far).
posted
Elias shows some of the symptoms of a child who was not mothered in the early years of his life. The absorption and rocking are self-stimulating behavior. So, to me, you are promising to explain what has happened to him.
The salt-capturing suits suggest that they are off-earth and have a salt-poor diet. To me that means that they live on the edge and any small thing at just the wrong time can push them over into peril.
So, in essence you are promising to deliver on that. You will show me that it does happen and that they will struggle to survive.
Wow, that's an awful lot to read into just a few sentences, isn't it?
posted
The only thing that didn't work for me were the names Melia and Elias...the repetition of "lia" in their names caused me to clunk to a stop when they were close together.
This story might be set on Earth...isn't Giaen another more mythical name for our home?...and may suggest that the story is in a futuristic past. In any case, even if it is on another planet, the Earth and salt have to figure in somewhere.
I'm intrigued and jealous that you are having so much fun
[This message has been edited by M_LaVerne (edited June 22, 2005).]
posted
My first thought was this was similar to Dune. The salt-suit reminded me of the stillsuits and I wasn't surprised that they were on a hot planet. Other than that, you are setting up your characters well. It's too soon to know what situation you are putting them in.
Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I instantly thought of Dune, too. The salt-suits seemed identical in concept. I foresee a mom frazzled with trying to keep up with active kids in a hostile environment.
Posts: 2026 | Registered: Mar 2005
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The planet, like in Dune, to be very harsh and a major player in the story.
That Elias is autistic, schizophrenic, or something to explain his behavior. Watching someone trying to cope with raising a kid with perceptive and behavioral issues on a planet like you described could be a fascinating subplot if it is not the primary thrust of your story.
Anyways, the difficulty in raising children -- one challenged, and one very young and stubborn/independent -- under alien and difficult conditions, seems to be a major focus.
[This message has been edited twice for spelling and phrasing by Lanius (edited June 23, 2005).]
[This message has been edited by Lanius (edited June 23, 2005).]
I'm...a little ambivalent about this use of salt, from a technical perspective. These people need to eat and so forth, after all. But it's just initial wariness of the concept, I'm sure you can justify it.
Naming the mom "Medea", that's a good one. We'll rib you more about that sometime
Thus far, it seems the main idea is that salt is very precious here, and the story is going to revolve around Melia's attempt to deal with her children's inability to understand that simple fact.
posted
Spaceman--you didn't think of it because you weren't as frightened as I was. Everyone (except me) knows what a sub is like. No one knows what a salt-suit is.
M_Laverne: After you said that, it started buggin me too, so Elias became Nikolas.
Hoptoad, I've just sent you the story.
If anyone else wants to read it for fun, I'm happy to send it--but I don't want any feedback unless it's something that continues to baffle you at the end of the story. I've got eighteen critiques sitting next to me, one of them by OSC, another would overwhelm me.
And you should ask dakota and spaceman for theirs too.
[This message has been edited by MaryRobinette (edited June 26, 2005).]
posted
I'd love to read your story as well as dakota's and spaceman's. If I recall correctly salt was used as a prompt several years ago as well. Now that I think about it I'm sure it was used because I remember reading a great story from that group.
Posts: 397 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I don't know how year's past have worked, but this time he had us go out and do research. I found a book about the history of salt and...everything else just went crazy from there.
I took copious notes the first day, but they only make sense to me, I'll try to decode and post them in the Boot Camp thread later.
posted
Mary: You need to ensure that your streetlights are not like the ones we have today on earth. Those use either low or high pressure sodium vapor lamps. I hope you send the final draft off to Analog, Asimovs, and F&SF before you send it anywhere else. ...because that one is not currently SFWA eligible.
I'm going to pass on distributing my bootcamp story, mainly because the story is full of technical holes due to lack of research time, and it is really a novel chapter, not a short story.
posted
Spaceman: I thought I would use mecury vapor lamps, but since I don't mention streetlamps in my story, ever, it probably won't be an issue. Thanks for the thought.
Elan, Ray and Kickle, I'll pass the story over to you in a bit.
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