How do you tell someone that you have discovered a universe? Ken had debated with himself through the night. Did he even want to tell anyone? He damn sure wasn’t going to tell Gloria; his wife would make him tell the whole world. She would ruin everything. But he had to tell someone.
“Lou, man, you’ve got to come over”
“Yah, sure, right after work. Why…”
“No, call in sick. I’ve got something you’ve got to see.
“What?”
“I got’ a show you. I can’t tell you on the phone.”
“Man, the last time someone said that to me I ended up selling soap door to door. Just tell me. I can’t call in sick again.”
“For this you can. Trust me. Gloria just left for work. Get

This is big enough I think it should have its own paragraph.

>Ken had debated with himself through the night. Did he even want to tell anyone? He damn sure wasn’t going to tell Gloria; his wife would make him tell the whole world.

This is funny; keep it. One problem. If he tells Gloria, why would his wife even know, much less make him do something? It's unclear if Gloria and his wife are the same person. Solution: "He damn sure wasn't going to tell his wife Gloria."

I lost interest in the rest of it. There's crucial information missing here: how did he discover a universe? What's it like? Is he a physicist in a lab; a Joe Schmoe who found an inter-universe portal while walking the dog; what? But the author changes the subject, to Lou's reluctance to come over. I wouldn't keep reading, because the thing I'm most curious about, the author isn't telling.

I'd like you to state up front that he's called Lou on the phone or whatever. It could be a natural segue from Gloria.

quote:

---

He damn sure wasn’t going to tell Gloria; he'd married her for [love/money/body/whatever], not for her discretion. She would ruin everything. But he had to tell someone...someone who could keep a secret like this. [Then say he's calling Lou]

---

I kinda switched off by the time I reached the condensed dialogue. You could maybe show us him eagerly ushering his wife out the door to work in the morning so he could safely examine his discovery or whatever...

Really should be its own paragraph.

I'm not sure the "Ken had debated . . . through the night" is helpful because the next lines show me that he's debating what to do about it.

I second WBriggs. A glimmer of how he found it would be better for me as a reader I think. I know you are trying to avoid an infodump but right now you have a huge gap in the narrative. Just a line or two. Did he find it in the bottom of his coffee cup? Did he trip over it? What?

By the time you get Lou to the story for a "Well as you know Bob" discussion, you have lost me.

Another option is to start the story when he "discovers" the Universe so we are with him and not learning about it as he tells others the next day.

I liked the withholding from the wife. It's showing me a little bit of Ken's character.

The thing though that in my mind needs work is your dialogue. It is witty, but it drags a bit, and not all of it is needed. What you could do is cut the lines

“What?”
“I got’ a show you. I can’t tell you on the phone.”