posted
This is the intro to a Zombie story I wrote a while back. It's a bit meditative but there is lot of dark humor in it. I'm happy with the bulk the story, but the very end has some character issues I've having trouble smoothing out. -----------------------------------------------------------------
When I young I wanted to die a hero. I’m not sure if it was the dying or the heroism that appealed to me. I suppose I just wanted a goal I was sure to partially accomplish. I told a teacher this once: she said that people who wanted to die couldn’t be heroes. I told her that people who wanted to live couldn’t stay them. I don’t know that either of us properly understood my point at the time; I’ve been dead for two hours and I still don’t entirely grasp it.
I should mention I died at the mall. It was not heroic; it was barely eventful. I just wound down and stopped. It was like my knot came untied and the world went slack.
[This message has been edited by AJ Valliant (edited August 28, 2009).]
posted
I agree with ME about the colon, however I dig the rest so much as is. I think you should keep the I should mention. It adds to the voice of the piece.
I'll read. I love a good zombie story, and this one seems promising. ~Sheena
"It isn't 13 lines--is there a reason you cut it a few lines short?"
I would had to had to cut out at a oddly jarring point in the paragraph otherwise. I almost went with just the fist section, but figured I should provide a little more context.
“This is a great opening. Count me in if you're looking for readers.”
“I'll read. I love a good zombie story, and this one seems promising.”
Excellent, thank you. Uh..I’m not sure how this works: do I just email it to you as a word doc, or is there some more arcane method the workshop prefers?
posted
"It has a retrospective, summary quality, that is similar to your other recent intro."
It's not entirely intentional, but I do like to start with an implied statement of who the character was, before I begin the journey into who they will become. It's not something I force into every story, but both this one and Bristles are more internal character studies, so it felt appropriate.
Good observation.
[This message has been edited by AJ Valliant (edited August 28, 2009).]
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