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Author Topic: "Sympathy"(working title)-Modern Fantasy-6200 words
Member # 11024

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My latest old manuscript that I've begun typing up, this is another "Emrys and the gang" story (mostly "the gang.") The core of the story involves my two MC's involved in a near mass shooting-and finding common ground with the shooter.
I could start with that, but due to the nature of these characters, I think-think-that establishing one or two things beforehand is the way to go.
Thoughts on the first 13 good, offers to read the story when typed much better.
Edit: Finished typing it up.

Kyle found Cathy in her room—which was sometimes his room too—sitting cross-legged on the bed, with four small spheres of glowing light orbiting her head. She wore a look of determined concentration that made her pretty face truly beautiful.

“Cathy,” he called softly, “I hate to interrupt you, but Emrys is about to leave. You want to come see him off?”

She opened her eyes and the lights winked out. She turned her soft brown gaze on him, smiling. “Of course,” she replied, hopping up from the bed.

“And hey, later you want to go get something to each, maybe catch a movie or walk around the mall or something?”

“That would be great,” she said, tousling his bright red hair and giving him a quick kiss as she went past.

Different possibility:

Kyle and Cathy took a table at the local Chik-fil-A and she immediately began dousing her three large orders of waffle-fries with ketchup. Kyle did the same thing with chicken strips and ranch dipping sauce.

“You know,” he said between bites, “as much as I love our weird little family and the band and learning about magic from Emrys and all of that, sometimes it's nice to just get away for a while and have some regular-world one on one time.”

Cathy nodded. “I do know. Although, when you get this close with a group of people, it’s like they’re always with you.” She smiled. “For instance, right now, I can almost hear the Wondertwink making an X-rated comment about the creamy white stuff you have all around your mouth.”

[ January 09, 2019, 05:26 PM: Message edited by: MerlionEmrys ]

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Member # 11024

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I've added a bit from almost 800 words further on that might be a better opening. What do you guys think?
Posts: 226 | Registered: Oct 2018  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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