*******************************************************

Embraced by stone, steeped in silence,I sat at the high window as the third day of the week surrendered to the fourth. The river of night rolled on, indifferent to the calendar.

I hoped to witness that magical moment when the snow began to fall in earnest. Earlier the sky had shed a few flakes, then nothing more. The pending storm would not be rushed.

The room was illuminated only by a fat candle in an amber glass on the corner desk. Each time a draft found the flame, melting light buttered the limestone walls and waves of fluid shadows oiled the corners.

*************************************************************

Man, that gives me chills!

(Sorry about misspelling the author's last name. I've now corrected it. Kathleen, would you be so kind as to correct it in the title of my post? Please?)

********
Embraced by stone, steeped in silence, I sat at the high window as the third day of the week surrendered to the fourth.
Tone: Here starts a story that shows a very relaxed tone and posture. It is in no hurry. I think we get caught up a lot of times cramming all the things we "need" to put in the first 13 when there are examples all over the place of tone and writing skill and character trumping plot and element. I believe this is one of those times.

Words:
Embraced, Steeped, Silence, Surrendered. Tone tone tone tone. You want mood? Choose these words.

The only thing this 13 suffers from, is the post THE syndrome. I see this a lot in the 13s here, and no doubt in my own as well. "the high window" isn't enough of a description. He's embraced by stone, so maybe it's a castle, but it's not 100% clear.

The river of night rolled on, indifferent to the calendar.
More tone, more mood. This sentence reinforces the first and really drills home the point the author is trying to make.

I hoped to witness that magical moment when the snow began to fall in earnest.
For anyone who lives in the north, this sentence makes sense. I've felt this moment many times, but never seen it in print. The author has made me feel something I've experienced and he did it while rolling along in the story and in the first 13.

Earlier the sky had shed a few flakes, then nothing more.
Now I have an image of the gray sky at night. Also, a hint of disappointment the previous sentence set up. There was hope, now there's nothing. This is foreshadowing.

The pending storm would not be rushed.
More foreshadowing. The author has revealed there is indeed going to be a storm and it's pending. Double entendre.

The room was illuminated only by a fat candle in an amber glass on the corner desk.
This contains another THE. The room. Since I'm still not sure he's in a castle or a jail, "the room" isn't enough for me. The corner desk is OK because the desk is not important, it's not supposed to say anything about the character. If it was, it would be described better.

That's a good point to keep in mind when deciding to describe something in detail or not. Does it A) Set the scene for the reader? B) Add to the character of the story?
Don't tell me the man wore a two piece Armani suit then blow him away, never mentioning the suit again.

Each time a draft found the flame, melting light buttered the limestone walls and waves of fluid shadows oiled the corners.
Not much to say about this sentence other than awesome.

*************

The rhythm of this 13 is incredible. Like beats per measure in music, the same can be said of writing. Try to find this in your own stories. Do you have a lot of short choppy sentences that can be given a rhythm by removing a period, adding a comma, and combining a third part?
(check out the last 11 words of the previous sentence. Wink wink)
Lastly, please note the use of adjectives. For a while I was told they were bad. Probably because I had a tendency to blatantly overuse them in a hideous, unproductive, possibly self-destructive manner.
It seems that one is enough.

Fat candle
Amber glass
Corner desk

This 13 doesn't give a whole lot as far as plot, but it sets a great mood, is easy to read, and hints at things to come. It's also a great launch for the character, who we learn when reading the book, has a slow, casual style in which he goes about life.

I believe a movie is in the works as well. Should be fun.

Axe