The assignment is to take one or more of them, and try to write a situation where the headline would make more sense. One can write it as one thinks the actual article might have been that the headline was written for, or one can write it in a science fiction or fantasy way, to make it fit what the headline actually says.

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Actual Newspaper Headlines

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Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Stud Tires Out

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Include your Children when Baking Cookies

War Dims Hope for Peace

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Eye Drops off Shelf

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in 84

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Air Head Fired

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

quote:

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Rick Stedman raised his hand, catching the eye of Principal Drivner. “Another question?” Drivner said. “I never thought this new curriculum was going to be such a difficult topic for you teachers.”

Rick cleared his throat and stood up, smoothing his crinkled button down shirt over his round belly. “Sir, I understand the necessity of these new human sexuality courses. On my street alone, more than half of the families have left, immigrating to Mars or the moon. I was as happy as the next person to hear that the reproduction laws had been repealed and that my wife and I could stop taking sexual depressants. It’s just that, I don’t know if I feel qualified to teach this course to the children in my class.”

“Nonsense, Mr. Stedman, sit down.” Principal Drivner stood at the front of the room, his arms crossed as he glared out at Downing High School’s faculty. “We are still animals, we are still biological creatures, no matter what we may be accustomed to in our day to day lives. Sex is second nature to us, to all of us.”

“But Sir!” Mrs. Paull the head of the English department, stood up, her hands behind her back. “I, I really wouldn’t know the first place to start. My husband and I haven’t had-had… sex… in at least twenty years.”

Another hand went up like a bolt. “What if we could delay rolling out the new curriculum until we received some instruction on this topic. Maybe brought in a speaker or demonstrator.”

The Assistant Principal Mr. Kykeman cleared his throat. “I’ve seen brochures for a retreat just outside of the city. One on one instruction, morning and afternoon lectures, and some practical hands on time. It might be worth looking into.”

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An interesting exercise.....

Jayson Merryfield

A spokesmna for East High School announced Monday the sex education course "Recreational Sex for Singles" slated to begin
this spring, has been cancelled. "It's a bust," was all academic coordinator Tugio Whang would say.

Apparently instructors for the course consistantly failed the oral and lab portions of the class and could not qualify for teaching the class.

Apologies have been extended to students who signed up for the class and now, apparently, find themselves on the short end of premature matriculation.