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Okay, by popular demand, we're going to do wedding & courtship related puns.
You can't trumpet your own stuff -- it has to be voluntary. I'm just gonna waltz on out of here and let you all tie yourselves up in knots. When the bans are posted, you'll all know it couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of people.
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If I’m nervous before the nuptials, I’ll take a couple of stiff bells of whiskey for corsage. My fiancé may make veiled threats to the best man before the bachelor party; if he gets a stripper he’s toast. But she’ll probably be more worried about my breath, so no unions before the ceremony. I’ll have to groom myself, since I can’t see her until she walks down the aisle.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Well, it is about time. I was not happy with that illegitimate thread. Aisle have to repeat some of my puns from there, though. I cannot make them anull and void.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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What happens when the girl refuses to do her hair when getting married in Las Vegas? The groom has to bribe the bride to groom.
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I think we need to altar this thread a bit. We can also make divorce puns here. Truly unbridal'd wit...
I've been grooming myself to prove that I truly am the best man. I've now proven that my intentions are honorable. In fact, I'm MADE of honor.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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I think T_Smith just tossed the whole thread out the window. He's been climbing the ladder of excess. Actually, the real truth is that his Aunt is a farmer, that part's true. But she would never run off and get married. She's a cant elope grower. The happy couple were joined in a civil ceremony performed by another local farmer who also serves as a county magistrate. He's the justice of the peas.
Sadly, on their honeymoon (which was in Las Vegas, as previously reported), the two newlyweds fell asleep in the heart-shaped hot tub and were found a week later. Seems they were victims of some bizarre ritual. It was a double ring ceremony, for sure. And their wedding went down the drain.
Mostly.
I have more to say on this subject. Elvisit it again.
Tulle-y, y'all are really knot that bad at this. Orchid you knot! A rosey future awaits this thread, I can tulle.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Dana, I really like your beau, K? But I am a bit miffed that he hasn't paid his bills. I may have to garter his wages.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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So, Bob, engage meant begin? Unfortunately I'd already begun. If I'd known you were gonna set us free on a new thread I'd have waited. Man! I hate premature emancipation (is this another name for divorce?)
You did see where I apologized if I had wounded debride and promised you (the groom) I'd clean myself up?
BTW, when and or if you take wedding pictures I understand there is company that can show you the most professional stances to assume. I'm guessing they are called Pro Poses.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Bob & Dana, I don't know your situation as regards to your finances and your parents but I would caution you about overspending if the folks are helping foot the bill. You don't want the folks to look at the fiance "We can't afford all this"
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Dagonee, that last post of yours really takes the cake! It might find warmer reception in a less family friendly forum.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Well, I made myself a drink. I used a spoon to stir, and it was too big for the dang glass, so I spilled it everywhere. I will have to use a mini- stir, next time.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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I've been married for a fair amount of time and would like to relate a story from when my wife and I were engaged. We were also in the process of remodeling the house we would move into following our marriage.
The stumbling block was the tile for the master bath. Lots of discussion, some heated debates and finally a resolution. We finally came down to 3 tiles but couldn't agree on the best one. So each of us had a veto we could use on one tile. Yep those were our pre nope tiles.
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We should thank Bob for making sure this contest was arranged. Think of this thread as community property - the reception it's gotten should make us all a little less dower and treat each other with more curtesy.
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Ok, here is a question for those that have gone through a divorce and have children. Have you ever had your children ask why they were with the other parent yesterday and with you today? I just assume you would answer "cus today is my day"
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:Well, it is about time. I was not happy with that illegitimate thread. Aisle have to repeat some of my puns from there, though. I cannot make them anull and void. [QUOTE]
Umm, I'm a little confused here. Elizabeth could you explain what anull meant? Unless you'd rather just cancel the whole thing?
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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I am going to wait until the morning to respond to you, Punwit and Noemon. I need to talk to my lawyer tonight, so he is ready for a morning suit.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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I know that it isn't often that men get monetary maintenance from women, but I have a friend from my beer club that does. He calls it his ale mony.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Well, Punwit, let me describe the bag in more detail. It was black, with a scarlet A embroidered on the front.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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I'm not sure I can beat the Hawthore References, but I have been thinking about these all the way home:
I wanted to ride up to the altar on a horse. Riding in on a big Stallion, no not a stallion, a Mare-ige better.
The problem is what to do with the horse during the ceremony. Its not like you can tux her into your pocket.
The secret is handling the Bridal. You could give it to your soon-to-be wife's father. He brings you the wife, you give him the horse. Fair trade. Of course, that would make him the Father-Of-The-Bridle.
Unfortunately he may not think its a fair trade, and you'll next see her Father-In-Law court to settle the matter.
No, the best thing to do is arrange a place to tie up the horse at the altar. I mean, what better place for a Hitching post.
Just make sure to Tie The Knot well or Di-Vorse will gallop away.
NEWS ITEM:
The Montreal Hockey team is looking for a new forward. They have eyes on that California star scorer, Micheal "Hot Shotz" Gunn. Micheal isn't interested in moving to Canada however.
Then last week Micheal started following the newest holistic health craze. The new thing is Fish Fesces. Eat it and get smart.
Luckilly for Montreal, fish fesces is a byproduct of the great Canadian fish farms.
Or as the coach put it to the press--"Where ever you have a Bass Turd, A Hot-shots Gunn Redwing is sure to follow.
Pun Free Marriage Advice:
Remember there is no I in Marriage.
Well, ok. There is.
There just isn't in the way I usually spell it.
Remember there is no Me in Marriage.
How's that? Better? Oh. Guess not.
What isn't there in Marriage?
ummmmm
Oh, I know.
S-E-X.
Ok. There is an I in marriage, and there is a Me in marriage, but there is no SEX in marriage. If you keep bringing up the I and the Me, your partner will keep bringing up the NO SEX.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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It is my affair - don't make me pun-ish you! I'll honeymoon you!
non-punnish aside: My favorite misused English story ever was an advertisement in a church bulletin to watch two people "conusmate their marriage." Evidently, this is not a church that has problems with problems PDAs.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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These wedding puns are getting more and more obscure. I'd say they're just filled with our Cana, but it'd be a miracle if anyone got that one.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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