The snopes link has some interesting points. But goodness… that’s really out there. Was it really ever like that?
Posts: 2845 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Uh, yeah. Way before my time, but I watched the tail end of it. Except in my episode, they were all pissed off all the time...
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:So when does he get her a drink and tell her to put her feet up?
Bob's been doing that for me a lot lately.
Although really it's more like,"Have you been drinking enough? How swollen are your feet? Do you need ice packs?"
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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quote:Originally posted by JennaDean: You know, a few of those things were downright scary, but I couldn't help feeling I'd LOVE to be welcomed home like that.
So when does he get her a drink and tell her to put her feet up?
I was going to say that barring some unnecessarily condescending wording, I really like that guide, as long as "husband" and "wife" are interchangable. I hesitate because the idea of a guide (and the implication that there is one right and several wrong ways) to being a spouse is pretty darn offensive.
I definitely wouldn't mind being welcomed at home like that on a semi-regular basis. But I also wouldn't mind being the one doing the welcoming - in fact, I might actually like that more.
Posts: 246 | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote: You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours
So the kid breaking his arm can wait till after the office gossip….
Posts: 2845 | Registered: Oct 2003
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"Honey, thanks for listening. Now that I've unloaded everything that went on in the office and feel much better, can you explain why the living room is missing two walls and the sofa is on fire?"
Posts: 3486 | Registered: Sep 2002
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"I definitely wouldn't mind being welcomed at home like that on a semi-regular basis. But I also wouldn't mind being the one doing the welcoming - in fact, I might actually like that more."
Same. It'd be a really nice place to live. If each would work later than the other on different days, it'd be nice if the earlier spouse would always do that for the other. Pretty unrealistic, though, I think.
Posts: 2054 | Registered: Nov 2005
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I totally imagine a marriage where each one tries to outdo the other in loving service. How cool would that be? Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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# Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before. Know where the arsenic is, where the salt peter or the viagra. Know in what portions it needs to be administered for the best, least prosecutable results.
# Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair, load the rifle and hide that knife.
# Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. Betty, the cute neighbor next door, can bring a world of new fun and excitement to your home--especially when the husband is at work.
# Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, dusting for any increminating finger prints, or anything inappropriate the pool-boy left behind.
# During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Arson covers up many other crimes.
# Minimize all noise. Use a gag, silencer and comfotable footsie socks.
# Be happy to see him. A maniacal laugh and fake smile are perks of the job.
# Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. The idiot will fall for it every time.
# Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Besides, we all know the pig won't listen to you anyway. Besides, when he's busy talking, he won't be noticing what your really up to behind his back.
# Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Great him with a Smith & Wesson instead.
# Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Just shoot him.
Complaining won't solve anything.
# Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. All the easier for the guys in the morgue to pick him up after the arsenic in the martini has had its chance to work.
# Arrange his pillow over his face. See being quiet above. Offer to take off his shoes. Metal toed shoes make excellent clubs. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice as you slowly smother him or bludgeon him.
# Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity and he won't question yours. Remember, he thinks he is the master of the house--the foool.
# A good wife always knows her place and won't let any fool of a man take it away.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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I used to work with and commute with my wife. We still commute together 9 out of 12 months. We love each other dearly, but sometimes too much togetherness can lead to severe bodilly harm.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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My wife's Colombian. Every time she says she's going to give me a "necktie", I run out of the house.
Posts: 3486 | Registered: Sep 2002
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I found this version on Livejournal a couple days ago.
quote: # Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious pizza delivered by the nearest Domino's, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that the oven is broken.
# Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to change out of your pajamas so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Stain-stick the baby puke on your shirt, brush the peanut butter out of your hair, and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people who actually showered and brushed their teeth today.
# Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Relating the tale of The Great Vegetable Aisle Temper Tantrum Of Wednesday Morning should do the trick.
# Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house to make sure there is at least a narrow walkway between the mountains of dirty laundry and preschool toys just before your husband arrives.
# Gather up the unpaid bills and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
# Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction, as will upending his cozy chair and tossing his ungrateful arse into the flames.
# Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to yank the paring knives out of their hands (if they are small), cut the gum out of their hair and, if necessary, change them out of their pajamas. They are little miscreants and he would like to believe otherwise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum, which won't be difficult as you haven't run any of them in weeks. Try to encourage the children to stop shoving popsicle sticks up their noses.
# Be happy to see him. Especially if he's bearing chocolate.
# Greet him with a screaming infant and show sincerity in your desire for him to MAKE IT STOP.
# Listen to him. You may be on the brink of a psychotic break, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation probably don't include poop.
# Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. The divorce petition will speak more eloquently than any words you can come up with.
# Your goal: Try to make sure your bathroom is a place with a deadbolt on the door where you and your husband can hide from your children.
# Don't greet him with complaints and problems. The sight of your preschooler gleefully running naked through the house holding the cat by its hind legs will tell him everything he needs to know.
# Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to the amount he'll have to shell out to replace all the suit jackets your children cut the arms off of and used as painting smocks.
# Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for when he notices the spaghetti stuck to the ceiling.
# Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice so that he will remain calm when you inform him that your son has Krazy-Glued himself to the pet gerbil.
# Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, your children will exercise their wills with alarming regularity. You have no time to fight with your husband while running zone defense.
# A good wife always knows her place. And has Poison Control on speed dial.
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