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Slash, If there is a hell and if any religion is right about who is going there, I expect hell will be populated with a bunch of really cool, interesting and outrageous individuals and will probably be far more fun than heven.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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See, then, the Fields of Elysium are for you!
Come see the well manicured greens, the decadent buffets, and, as always, those fun and entertaining Muses!
Posts: 1843 | Registered: Aug 2003
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This reminds me of that one Rowan Atkinson sketch.
quote:Hello, nice to see you all again.
As the more perceptive of you have probably realised by now - this is hell, and I am the Devil. Goodevening. You can call me Toby, if you like - we try and keep things informal down here, as well as infernal...
Right, let's split you up then.
Can you all hear me? CAN YOU HEAR ME AT THE RACK?
Off we go...
Murderers, over here. Looters and pillagers - over there please, thieves if you could join them, and BANKMANAGERS.
Fornicators, if you could step forward - My God there are a lot of you. Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest? Adulterers if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine there.
AMERICANS, are you here? I'm sorry about this, apparently God had some fracas with your founding fathers and damned the entire race into perpetuity. He sends particular condolences to the Mormons who He realises put in a lot of work. The Iranians, I'm afraid, couldn't be with us - someone's been holding them in purgatory for the last nine months...
Atheists, over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of charlies.
Christians, ah yes, I'm afraid the Jews were right.
Moonies, maniacs, marmite eaters, male models, masochists, mass murderers and masseurs, if you could take a pew at the back - with the Methodists that is...
Everyone who saw Monty Pythons' "Life Of Brian", I'm afraid He can't take a joke after all...
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When I was young, I always thought it would be prudent for people to believe in the strictest religion there is. That way, in a worst-case scenario, at least they'd avoid the hottest hell.
If that logic works, I guess I should call up Jack Chick and find out more...
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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When describing his good friend and often collaborator Jerry Pournelle, he said, "When I see him in hell, I expect we will immediately begin planning our escape."
David, do you think they have good tequila in hell? Or does Satan sip at a glass of Del Dueno while forcing you to ingest gallons of five dollar a bottle HRD brand?
Now THAT would be hell.
Posts: 5383 | Registered: Dec 1999
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nfl is right, we don't believe in Hell, it's more similar to Purgatory than anything else.
Oh, and just as the Mormons don't expect non-members to abstain from coffee or alcohol, only Jews are expected to keep kosher. Actually, the only things non-Jews (I would say gentiles, but present company might take exception ) are expected to keep are the Seven Noachide Laws.
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The world needs more Dudley Moore and Peter Cook movies, but I guess we're out of luck there too!
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If Slash gets to spend his time in hell giving Ralphie monkey bumps, I say I should get to spend it sipping tea and reading novels in a comfy chair.
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Ha! This whole conversation is why I believe in reincarnation. Don't you crazy believers-in-hell wish you were me? Posts: 701 | Registered: Jul 1999
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I remember a weird little show I saw once - I think it was on the Outer Limits or something similar. It's where this hippie dies and finds himself in a room full of old people having a dance with good old time wholesome music... the whole premise being that while they're in Heaven, he's in Hell. Hilarious.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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Slashy, I thought we had this all planned out. You are going to the telestial kingdom for being a decent lizardman and all in this life even if rather unwashed and unbaptized and so on. I will be there too or if something changes and I make it up higher then I'm coming down to visit you. You promised to teach me how to play D&D, remember? Don't think you get out of it that easily! I think outer darkness is the only place you could hide from me but I know you would never choose there. The amenities are just not up to snuff out that direction.
Posts: 2843 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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Well If we are all going to Hell, then we can all have one Hell of a party down there. Hardy har har.
Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2003
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"Heaven for climate, hell for company." -- James M. Barrie
"A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell." -- George Bernard Shaw
"Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris." -- Thomas G. Appleton
". . . when bad Americans die, they go to America." -- Oscar Wilde
"There may be some doubt about hell beyond the grave but there is no doubt about there being one on this side of it." -- Ed Howe
"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -- you see, I have friends in both places." -- Mark Twain
Posts: 1295 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
As far as I can tell, Twain's (1835-1910) quote was actually, "Heaven for climate, hell for society," and Barrie (1860-1937), who wrote Peter Pan, said, "Heaven for climate, hell for company."
Now, it's entirely possible one was plagerizing the other or that only one said one of those phrases and an alternate version was ascribed to the other. I don't have any particular interest in sorting it all out though...
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I just think it's convenient that we have these nifty little smilies. Tee-hee. I think I'll figure out the whole heaven/hell thing AFTER I'm gone. Much less unnecessary stress that way.
Posts: 981 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:I remember a weird little show I saw once - I think it was on the Outer Limits or something similar. It's where this hippie dies and finds himself in a room full of old people having a dance with good old time wholesome music... the whole premise being that while they're in Heaven, he's in Hell. Hilarious.
That was Twilight Zone thank-you very much!
And I refuse to live in a universe where Slashy goes to Hell.