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I once made up a character named Incendiary Man who had a special book of matches he could use skillfully as weapons. I don’t know what his thing would have been. Maybe his parents got killed in an arsonist’s fire and now he’s fighting fire with fire.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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I love the song Particle Man by TMBG. In addition to Particle Man, there's Triangle Man, Person Man and Universe Man.
And an accordion.
But let's see if I can make up my own crappy hero:
Movie Man -- can sit through any film and instantly tell you what's wrong with it. Single-handedly destroys the enjoyment of everyone within earshot.
Forms Man -- the quitessential bureaucrat. Buries evildoers in mountains of red tape and forms. "Who was that masked man?" "I don't know, but he left this GSA 19.3-22 (Rev. 1/97)."
Midlife Crisis Man -- you can't really count on him, but he's got a fast car... if you're cute enough.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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The Taliban Man--has few recurring enemies since he alway stones, decapitates, mutilates, or cuts the hands off of evil doers, if not all of the above. His costume, Turban and Tights, no veil--he isn't femine.
Math Man--equipmed with his HP Calculator of Doom and his Light-sliderule, he zips across the world righting wrongs--well, mostly righting wrong answers. He has recently retired to a rest home. Friends say he was hearing imaginary numbers.
The Pill--no not that pill. THe Pill is a mysterious stranger who uses his vast knowledge of legal, but cutting edge pharmacopia to right wrongs, relax the stressed, and medicate the psychotic. In reality he is Joe Doe, the Pharmicist at a wal-greens near you.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Ah, a thread that makes a Tick fan proud! Now that was a show with some great superheroes/villains. American Maid, The Human Bullet (fire me boy!), Bi-Polar Bear (This is a job for Bi-Polar Bear! If only I could get out of bed...), Sewer Urchin, Chairface Chippendale, El Seed, The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight...and TAFT!
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Please, let us not forget the already-made-up Crappy Super Heroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy from Spongebob.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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Lunchlady : Garbed in her hair net and clear plastic gloves,she defends the world armed with spoons full of mashed potatoes and squares of Jello.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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One of my younger brothers 6 foot tall guy friends showed up to our Halloween party as the NINJA Lunch lady...so he was feeling the same vibe Elizabeth! Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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The PUN-isher. This diabolic do-gooder overwhelms his foes with forced low humor and witty repartee. Under his quick onslaught of terrible puns, the villians eventualy kill themselves rather than listen to any more of his prattl, or they laugh themselves to death.
One of the PUN-isher's jokes: Did you hear what happened to Captain Cookware. He got zapped by alien lightening, turning all his pots and pans into toasters and electric mixer. He has done such a good job defeating crime, they even gave him a promotion.
He was Captain Cookware. He is now.....
....
Major Appliance!!!
If he does well--and continues to get a charge out of battle, one day he may yet be....
General Electric!!!!!!
(ps Some claim his secret identity is Bob Scopatz)
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Platitude Man: He fights evildoers with trite sayings like "Crime doesn't pay" and his trusty sidekick, Limerick Boy. I haven't figured out the technicalities of his superpower yet. (He's a work in progress.) But I think it would be really cool if he also had an archnemisis called The Sonneteer.
Pleather Girl: She wears lots of pleather. Also, I think she was like a vegan or something. We had a bunch of other stuff worked out, too, but I can't remember it right now.
Posts: 1046 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Dan's reminds me of some of my favorite tech support calls. You know, "Who is this General Protection, and what did he do to my computer?".
Posts: 5422 | Registered: Dec 2001
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Hehehe. I wrote a really lame story once about Mediocre Man and his sidekick, Bland Boy. Mediocre man wore a slate-gray suit and tie, Bland boy a gray t-shirt and slacks. ^-^
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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How about a superhero team called "The Punctual Patrol?" They wouldn't do much, but they'd always be on time. For whatever.
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I misread Book's Punctual Patrol and read: Punctal Patrol. I guess they'd always be on the lookout for dry eyes.
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Sasquash: Crime fighting cross between Big Foot and a crook-necked squash. Bright yellow, rubberskinned and immensely strong.
The Wheeze: Asthmatic super speedster, breaks the speed of sound for very short distances.
The Peppier`: Mild mannered waiter support staffer by night, pepper mill wielding vigilante by later night (after sweeping up the bistro).
Torte-olini: Italian superhero specializing in tossing small fruit desserts.
Montgolfier Man: Inventor of the most powerfully armed hot air balloon in the world. He'll travel to any fight, if the wind us just right.
These five stalwarts make up The Dia-Tribe: Give them a cause and they will fight for it! At Length and Loudly!
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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He has the inexplicable ability to see into the future, but ALWAYS sees his future sight JUST AFTER the news is public knowledge, unawares to him EVERY TIME of course.
Under the mentorship of Chip, some guy who lives in a shack by the river, NSFS has learned to rely on his occasional brilliant deja vus to help mankind in the only way he knows possible, other than the work he does at the tuna fish cannery Monday through Friday.
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A great and powerful crime fighting duo, who rarely actually fight any crime.
That's right the epic lack of adventures of Procrastination Man , and Apathy Woman .
Both have incredible powers: Procrastination Man has super human strength and speed, and he is immortal/invincible, but because he is an immortal with super speed he is no hurry to do things like fight crime or check the spelling of his name. "Hey I'm really busy I've got a lot of stuff to do, but I'll get to that house on fire eventually."
Apathy Woman has telekinetic powers, she can fly, and is also immortal/invincible, but because nothing can hurt her, and she can move objects at will, she is just not that worried about crime and disasters. "Look a burning house may seem like a emergency to you but is it really that big a deal?"
Yes Procrastination Man and Apathy Woman, coming sooner or later to someplace, near someone, whatever.
Posts: 2332 | Registered: Jul 2003
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If I could be a superhero I would be Awesome Man Flying around the world fighting crime According to my awesome plan And if I saw criminals trying to lie Hurting other people and making them cry I’d haul them off to jail in my awesome van Cause I would be Awesome Man
If I could be a superhero I would be Drug-Free Boy Telling the world of the evils of drugs and all of the lives they’ve destroyed Well I’d take all the junky he’s getting so high With their needles and bongs and their sticks made of Thai As I burned them alive I would squeal with joy Cause I would be Drug-Free Boy
If I could be a superhero I would be Immigration Dude I’d send all the foreigners back to their homes For eating up all of our food And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot Like landscaping dishwashing and picking our fruit I’d pass a lot of laws to get rid of their brood Cause I would be Immigration Dude
posted
Haiku-Ru -- A gang of three badly anime-ted super heroes who access their hidden powers by reciting enigmatic 3-line verses. At which point they turn into:
Tea leaf in your cup Morning dew upon your face The brook's laughing stones
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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The Doubter: Drives evildoers mad with his constant questioning of everthing. Forces himself into dynamic inaction which infects those around him until, finally, the evil doers are paralyzed with indecision. At which point The Doubter laughs and goes on his merry way.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Broadway Show Man : He leaps upon the scene with a flourish and breaks into song, confusing his enemies and making them just a little bit sick to their stomachs.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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quote: The Pill--no not that pill. THe Pill is a mysterious stranger who uses his vast knowledge of legal, but cutting edge pharmacopia to right wrongs, relax the stressed, and medicate the psychotic. In reality he is Joe Doe, the Pharmicist at a wal-greens near you.
Bwah hah hah! The Pill is a weakling compared to me! His powers pale to those which I have perfected UNDER the counter.
posted
Rickety Stairs Boy: He poses as a sturdy set of stairs, collapsing under his enemies, causing them to fall and yell "Ahhhhhhh."
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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quote: Movie Man -- can sit through any film and instantly tell you what's wrong with it. Single-handedly destroys the enjoyment of everyone within earshot.
Created for my CommericaL Art class my seinor year, CUASB sas the power to create "art" out of found materials such as dirt and sticks, and to stubbornly insist that they are masterpieces. He aquired his powers when his elementry school cut it's art department funding in half.
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You know how lizards can lose a tail and then regrow it? Well, this founded my idea for Lizard Limb Boy! He's pretty useless. All he can do is lose his limbs and then regrow them. And when he's startled, they tend to just fall off on his own. So when someone slams a door, or blows a horn, he falls into a heap of limbs.
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Hey everyone, my teenage brothers have recently been obsessed with this site. I went to check it out and it reminded me of this thread. It's actually kind of fun, you can create your own special image of your crappy super hero.
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Ah! My fiancee and I have come up with Follically Challenged Man and his crime-fighting side-kick Phallically Challenged Man! Of course, these would be the sons of Mid-Life-Crisis Man in his um...endeavors with the fast sports car.
Posts: 701 | Registered: Jul 1999
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