posted
So I get up this morning... well, afternoon. I'm 19, that's my excuse, and as far as I'm concerned, it's a valid one. I'm alone in the house, my dad's a work and me ma is at work at the church preschool, as always. I have a dentists appointment at 2:30, so I meander out into the den.
And there I am greeted with the most profound amount of vomit and messy, messy fecal matter I have ever seen.
There. This is where the story gets slightly less delicate and romantic than you would have anticipated.
The culprit? We have two weiner dogs. One is young and very stupid, so he stays in his kennel when we're away. The other is older, more sensible, and, I would think, beyond making any real kind of mess, especially on the carpet. I was wrong, apparently.
It's appalling to think that one weiner dog could possibly do this. I suspect that the volume of the... uh, fluid, almost matches the volume of the dog pound for pound.
So what did I do?
I called mommy, of course. Because I'm big and brave that way.
You should probably understand that most guys, until they have small poop-factory children of their own, are very averse to cleaning up bodily problems that aren't their own. I'm one of them. Also, I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. I've cleaned up solid poop before (and even then I managed to mess up the disposal method, which mommy had to fix, because I'm silly and helpless in the real ways of the world), and solid vomit, but never.... this. And I didn't have time to find out how to go about doing it. I still had to shower and eat.
Mommy, therefore, told me not to touch anything. Because when Robert (that's me name, by the way) is applied as a problem solver to any problematic situation, bystanders usually find the number of problems increasing exponentially. And she knew that.
So the weiners are outside, and have been for a good while, and are loudly bemoaning their cruel fate. I've eaten about ten ritz crackers, and am debating a coke, and now it's about 2:00, so I need to get out of here.
I apologize for any nausea or discomfort I've caused.
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:You should probably understand that most guys, until they have small poop-factory children of their own, are very averse to cleaning up bodily problems that aren't their own.
You think non-guys enjoy cleaning up crap?
----
You're not seriously leaving vomit and crap on the living room floor for your mom to clean up, are you?
Be a decent human being, Book. If you have ever petted or talked nicely to the dog, clean it up.
[ January 14, 2004, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: Javert Hugo ]
Posts: 1753 | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yeah, that's so sexist. It's like, we're women, so we should feel natural diddling in feces? Why would that be, do you think? *raises eyebrows*
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
And guys with kids suddenly become not averse to it? And I was always worried about the idea of changing diapers. I'm glad to know it won't be so bad. Posts: 9945 | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Actually I think it's relatively true... I have no problem cleaning up after my hedgehog, touching her poop, and cleaning up after the mouse droppings that occasionally litter my house. By hand.
My apartment-mate guy-friend Ido, however, absolutely flips out. He can't handle mammals, he says, and especially icky doo-doo.
It seems to be similar with other guy and girl friends. I don't mind seemingly horrendously dirty things, if I can clean myself up relatively soon afterwards.
Posts: 1892 | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
That's right. It is magical. Suddenly you WANT to clean diapers. There ought to be a name for the phenomenon.
Posts: 440 | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Looks like there are THREE weiners in the house.
I sympathize with Book though. Whenever I see a real big mess in the kitchen or when my laundry starts piling up, I still think about how nice it was when I was a kid and that stuff just magically disappears... and then my girlfriend's yelling breaks that reverie and I get cracking!
I hope your dogs are not sick. Maybe a vet visit is in order?
Posts: 4116 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Nope. I do not like indoor pets, and this stems directly from tripping over our pet Yorkshire terrier in the middle of christening the new living room when I was 13. I was so disgusted and grossed out I didn't touch the dog again, and now like animals only outside.
On the other hand, my brothers had no problem cleaning up after the narcissistic, anal-explosive little animal.
Inside, this is where I live. There is no animal outside of larval humans cute enough to make it worth living in their crap.
[ January 14, 2004, 03:46 PM: Message edited by: Javert Hugo ]
Posts: 1753 | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Just be glad you're not a nurse's aid like my mom. She has to clean up this kind of stuff (and worse) daily. And from 70 year old humans!
Posts: 2292 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Actually, I was just reading in New Scientist about a study which indicates that women of child bearing age are actually more disgusted by your average nasty pile of filth than are men or older women.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
<I can’t believe I’m doing this twice in one week>
Book, If I was your mother, I’d be coming home and teaching you how to clean up dog poop. If you’re so incapable that you can’t do it unsupervised, it’s clear you need the practice.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
When I was younger, I had a roommate/friend/ex-girlfriend whose dog did something like this. I'd given the poor guy a bone I'd gotten for him from the grocery store (after said roommate/friend/ex-girlfriend has expressly told me not to do so), and apparently it didn't agree with him. I felt horrible, both for inadvertently making the dog sick, and for having blown off my friend's specific request for how I treat her dog*. What can I say? At least I'm less of a jerk now than I was then; it's progress. In any case, I at least had the decency to clean up after him.
The bone didn't do him any lasting harm, by the way, but it was the last time I gave a dog something like that; before that it had been a periodic treat I gave to all of the dogs I'd ever lived with.
*She didn't want me to give him the bone because of the mess of having a fresh bone oozing on the carpet, not because she'd known that it would make him sick.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
While I agree that Book should be cleaning this up, I have to say I can relate to his uncertainty as to how to go about doing it. I've cleaned stuff like this out of shag carpet before, and it's not that easy.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I have a friend who loves animals. In fact, she refuses to watch movies or read books in which something bad happens to animals (not humans, just other animals). But she doesn't clean up any messes (vomit etc) her family's animals make. She refuses to.
I actually cleaned up for her once, because she wouldn't. I just don't get it. Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Book, I'm very sorry your dogs are sick, but regarding quantity and quality, I'll stack up my 2-year-old-with-the-flu (and the soup that keeps showing up in his diaper) against your pups any day.
2) Household cleaner in spray bottle, even windex will do in a pinch but I like clorox cleaning soln. with bleach. You should do a small test to see if it bleaches your carpet though. Any other spray houshold cleaner (simple green or equivalent citrus product) works fine. Dishwashing liquid shouldn't be used unless a drop or two is diluted into a spray bottle because it is hard to get out. Lysol aerosol disinfectant and deodorant spray can also be used in a pinch or as a final step.
3) Trash Can. Place trash can as close to the affected area as feasible.
Method:
1) Remove any larger dryer solid pieces with paper towels and pitch.
2) Do a triple layer of paper towels. Place over affected area and step on it (wear shoes). Pick it up by a corner which will still be dry and pitch.
3) Repeat two until most of the moisture has been absorbed.
3.5) After you get rid of most of the moisture it might be easier to pick up chunks with another triple layer paper towel.
4) Spray houshold cleaner on spot liberally.
5) Do a triple layer of paper towels and place on spot. This time rub paper towel in circles with your foot to work up a lather.
6) Repeat 5 until most moisture has been absorbed and the towel stops turning yellow from the pet waste. Repeat 4 if neccesary.
7) You won't be able to get spot completely dry. To desmell further, spray Lysol aerosol. As a warning and courtesy to fellow inhabitants, leave your last slightly damp 3 layers of paper towel over the spot. You don't want it sticking to the spot, just sitting on top of it so that air circulation can get through. Once the paper towel is completely dry the spot underneath should also be pretty dry and the towel should be removeable.
posted
I'd written a bunch out here, but I think I'll post it in the Mooselet thread instead, rather than derail this one too much. Thank you for asking, though.
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
